A new chapter for the Red Wings

Written by :
Published on : February 28, 2017

 

 

It’s been a very different kind of year for fans of the Detroit Red Wings. Right now, the team is among the worst in the NHL and the chances of them making it to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are dwindling with each passing day and each loss. It’s a sinking feeling that people in Detroit aren’t used to and missing the playoffs is something that hasn’t happened in decades. To many of us, it’s a tragedy for a franchise that is so accustomed to excellence to be in such a poor state. But it also seems like a fitting cap to what has been a trying year for the Red Wings. A year when the Wings have lost some very important people and will be leaving their home of the last 38 years.

 

The hits started coming last summer, less than two months after the Red Wings first round playoff exit at the hands of the Tampa Bay Lightening. On June 10th, one of the most legendary players in the history of the game of hockey, Gordie Howe, passed away at the age of 88 and the entire sports world mourned. He was an old man who had lived a full life and for that, all of us who loved him can be grateful. But that doesn’t lessen the impact of his passing.

 

 You are missed, Gordie.

 

Then a couple of weeks ago, on February 10th, 2017, longtime team owner, Mike Illitch, passed away. He too lived to a ripe, old age and at 87-years-old the man who made his fortune off the Little Caesars pizza chain and bought the Red Wings in 1982 for $8 million had lived to see his team win 4 Stanley Cups during his time as owner. He truly loved the Red Wings and his other team the Tigers, as well as the city of Detroit. As a fan, you couldn’t ask for a more passionate and caring owner. All he ever wanted was to win and though his Tigers were never able to bring him a championship he was overjoyed every time the Wings were able to hoist the Cup.

 

 Mike Iliitch loved his team and his city.

 

So with two of the biggest icons in the history of Detroit hockey gone, isn’t it fitting that the team would miss out on the postseason for the first time in 25 years? The passing of Howe and Illitch, along with this year’s abysmal performance by the team and their departure from Joe Louis Arena, point to a shift in the world of Detroit Hockey. That might not be a bad thing and it seems like it could be a jumping off point for the next generation of Detroit Red Wings.

 

New arena. New owner. New Red Wings. The team has been coasting on “just making the playoffs” for years now and the decade anniversary of the last Stanley Cup championship is rapidly approaching. Fans are getting tired of simply making it to the dance and getting tossed in the first or second round. It’s time for a rebuild and a year away from the playoffs might be what the franchise needs to turn the corner and get back to the mountain top. It’s been tough losing Gordie and Mr I, and it will be tough leaving Joe Louis Arena behind but the only constant in this world is change. These changes might be hard but they are necessary. Likely, it will be a bumpy road but with some luck there will be a new, improved Red Wings team rising from the ashes of the 2016-17 season.

 

 


The Best Foods To Eat While Watching Sports (and how to make them even better)

Written by :
Published on : October 12, 2015

 

 

Have you been to a stadium lately? They’ve really stepped their game up… foodwise. Not only with the quality of the food, but variety. You can get Shake Shack at Mets games! But you’re not watching most games at the arena (unless you have season tickets, you prick). Suppose you’re like me and can’t find a balance of finding a business establishment combining optimal viewing situations with audio AND above average food. I have this problem where the places I like to eat while I watch games has a bad TV setup or they play bad music over the games or there’s uncomfortable seating. The alternative is going to a shit sports bar where fans are too unruly or the food sucks or both. My situation is this: don’t want to sacrifice quality of traditional “Game Day Cuisine” while sitting comfortably as I use a powerful wifi connection to check stats & be able to use a clean bathroom. I doubt I’m alone. Therefore, here’s my vision for best possible foods to eat while enjoying sports.

 

1. Hot dogs

Footlong

 

Fuck peanuts & cracker jacks. Don’t literally have sex with peanuts & cracker jacks, they can even be mildly enjoyable in the right context, but this isn’t the 1950s. You go to a ballgame, chances are that you’ll eat a hot dog. Hot dogs at ballparks are usually dirty water dogs. Since hot dogs come already cooked, they just need to be heated so at ballparks the cheapest/fastest way to do that is to have the hot dogs hang out in a hot tub until you order them, then they are tonged out of the tub juice. Fucking. Gross. Frankly, you’d have to be some kind of monster to prefer this over a grilled, crunchy charred outside/juicy hot inside frank. So many garnishments & condiments to add like carmelized onions, sauerkraut, potato chips, sriracha, srirancha (sriracha & ranch dressing) or just get your self a nice mustard & artisan buns (eat hot dog with pinky flailing). Extra points for fancy sauces with even fancier sausages; be the best for eating the würst.

 

2. Nachos

Cheesy

 

Nachos are great already, depending on who’s making them & how they’re made. I’m not including those corn chips with plastic yellow sauce you’d get at a stadium. I’m talking about melted cheese shreds, sliced jalapeños, salsa, guacamole (that doesn’t cost extra to add), sour cream & some (hopefully slow cooked) meat. The problem with this orgy of the hot models equivalent of foods is it makes the chips soggy (much like an actual orgy…). Also, not everyone loves heartburn.

Solution: cast a wide oven pan or cookie sheet, layering chips with cheese. Add vegetables toward end of melting cheese. Sauces/dips on the side.

Alternative: American Nachos aka Machos.
Ingredients:
Potato chips (ruffles for texture. Kettle chips for good measure)
Ground beef or pulled pork
Bacon bits (homemade, if you’re not lazy)
Velveeta AND shredded cheddar
Chopped onions
Chopped dill pickles
Chopped tomatoes
Ketchup
Mustard
Ranch or Srirancha

 

Just imagine if nachos got your favorite cheeseburger & fries pregnant. This is the baby it’d have, baby! Take nachos back for America!

 

Honorable mention: Poutine

 

3. Wings

Wing or go home

 

If you don’t love wings, move to fucking Antarctica. Wings are great, but you have to eat so many to be satisfied, not to mention makes Tinder a lot messier than it is already.

Alternative: Buffalo/BBQ Turkey Legs.
Turkey legs are delicious, longer lasting & the food version of Beast Mode. Which ever presidential candidate jumps on board with replacing chicken wings with Turkey legs will have my vote. Toss those legs in any sauce and it’s like your chicken wings took HGH without all the side effects.

 

4. Pizza

Always good

 

This one maybe can’t be improved upon, but much like any sports team, pizza is all about the quality ingredients that go into it. Innovation and creativity definitely play an important role. Chicken wings have been fused with pizza in different incarnations & it’s the Stockton and Malone of foods.

That being said, as enjoyable as they were to watch, they don’t have rings. (Mmmmmmm, pizza with onion rings on it….) Just like pizza, maybe the Stockton/Malone tandem could’ve used a little more help around them. For example, maybe if those Jazz teams had flavored crust, fresh burrata, heirloom tomato sauce or a melty real cheese or yogurt based dipping sauce they could’ve beaten Jordan? Jordan was the pizza you get at a fancy Italian restaurant with all those high end ingredients. Lebron is Detroit square deep dish from Buddy’s. Shaq’s that decadent Chicago deep dish. Mailman was delivery. JR Smith is DiGiorno.

 

What foods we don’t need to see near our sporting events

-Fruit bowls: come on, we are watching sports, not training to play. Take your mandolin & cut that shit out. You want grapes, drink wine from a box like the poor man that you are!

-Anything using chopsticks
Unless you’re watching sumo wrestling in Japan, this is unacceptable. It should be a rule of thumb that no food is allowed to be eaten during sport events that require any utensil that could be used as a weapon.

-Salad: See above. This includes anything chopped up & mixed with mayonnaise or leafy greens.

 

The goal should be to eat food with your hands that make your fingers too filthy, too slimy, too sticky to refresh your fantasy app every 30 seconds & enjoy the game the way the cavemen did.

 

 


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