The Best NFL Touchdown Celebrations

Written by :
Published on : September 12, 2016

 

 

Your favorite NFL player has just punched their way past the pylons and into the end zone. Touchdown. Now comes one of the most entertaining moments of the game: what will the player do? Are they going to dance? Maybe mime some funny looking activity like giving birth? Or look for help from the fans or maybe a teammate? Who knows. But we all care. Certain athletes have signature moves like Cam Newton dabbin, Victor Cruz doing the Salsa or Newton impersonating Superman with his trademark shirt-rip. Wow, Cam has two signature moves. That’s great. Well, let’s really get into it. Here is my college thesis on NFL touchdown celebrations.

 

Cam_Newton_dab

 

The No Fun League has really cracked down on in-game celebrations of all kinds. Which is a mistake, but whatever. I won’t let that bum me out. Look, I’m doing my happy dance. But for background, the league will currently penalize a player for “excessive celebration” which the NFL rulebook defines as:

 

(d) Individual players involved in prolonged or excessive celebrations. Players are prohibited from engaging in any celebrations while on the ground. A celebration shall be deemed excessive or prolonged if a player continues to celebrate after a warning from an official.

(e) Two-or-more players engage in prolonged, excessive, premeditated, or choreographed celebrations.

(f) Possession or use of foreign or extraneous object(s) that are not part of the uniform during the game on the field or the sideline, or using the ball as a prop.

 

Why so serious? Anyway, let’s enjoy some of football’s best movers and shakers before they ban dancing and turn football into the town from Footloose.

 

The Ickey Shuffle

 

Ickey Woods’ little jig isn’t too complicated, but it’s fun to do and is super infectious. Just like a catchy pop song.

 

Big Joe Fauria’s Bye Bye Bye

 

This guy didn’t last too long in the league but his moves will last in my memory. Easily the best game of Fauria’s career, he recorded 3 receptions for 34 yards and 3 touchdowns. Plus he did a different celebrations each time. That’s not easy because maybe he had one move ready to go but there is no way he planned on three. His ode to NSYNC is still the best.

 

Jamal Anderson’s Dirty Bird

 

This is an all-time classic. If you don’t like this then I don’t know what to say to you. You probably hate pizza too.

 

Joe Horn’s cell phone stunt

 

What is this guy? A prop-comic? Believe it or not, this was groundbreaking in terms of end zone creativity. He is the Carrot Top of touchdown celebrations. Let’s get Joe on the horn and thank him for his contribution to the world of wacky stunts.

 

Terrell Owens

TO popcorn

 

Now we are getting to the real showboat champs. Get your popcorn ready because TO knew exactly what to do with his post-touchdown time, and he made for some of the most enjoyable moments to date. The best was back when Owens was a San Fransisco 49er and he ran to the center star on the 50 yard line (twice) after scores at Cowboy Stadium. There is a great recap of the event HERE. Terrell was bold and inventive with it and I love that.

 

Chad Johnson

All hail the king. My personal favorite. At one point while in college, I started writing down celebration ideas with the thought of contacting Mr. Ochocinco so I could pitch him my stuff. I got as far as reaching out to his agent. Needless to say we never worked together. He did fine without me. Remember his Riverdance? Or when he operated one of the broadcast cameras? That’s just one of many classics. Enjoy this weird video someone made highlighting his best.

 

 

The above guys can really cut a rug. No wonder NFL players do so well on Dancing with the Stars. Also, I didn’t mention things like spikes or dunks of the ball. Those are too simple so I excluded them from this piece. Sorry Gronk, practice your steps and maybe you can make it next time. And don’t even say Lambeau Leap to me. Lastly, there are some great touchdown dances in Any Given Sunday and BASEketball, if you haven’t seen them then do it. Did I miss your favorite? Leave it on my answering machine below.

 

Bust a move.

 

 


Roger Pretzel’s Cloudy Crystal Ball: NFC East

Written by :
Published on : August 27, 2015

 

There is no other division in the NFL in which the specter of injury looms so heavily over every team. Dallas has its brilliant but weary O-line protecting a fragile veteran QB, Philadelphia has built a winning crew that can sustain injury up to a point, the Giants are looking to rebound after two seasons of a seriously depleted squad, and Washington has brought a curse upon itself for not changing its unfortunate and offensive image.

 

Sweet crystal ball: murky and jumbled though your whispers may be, illuminate our way!

 

Dallas Cowboys:

 photo dallascowboys_zpsl1ytzif4.jpg

 

There was a brief period of time where I didn’t totally hate the Cowboys. I moved away from general knee-jerk disdain and grew to recognize their brilliant offensive line. I also realized that Tony Romo is a solid, likable, and hardworking quarterback, and even thought that Jerry Jones’s desperate ramblings became amusing, endearing even. Then along came Dez Bryant. The dude is by far my least favorite NFL superstar. He’s the epitome of a diva and I hate his whininess towards referees, as well as his frequent fights with coaches and teammates. I will never deny that he is a fantastic talent, but as a human personality, I’m just kind of grossed out by his ego and sense of entitlement. He is Calvin Johnson’s evil twin, no doubt about it.

So here we are in 2015 and I think that Jerry Jones knows in his wizened coal-black heart that last year was the ‘boys best chance at making a run for the title in a long time, and the best chance they’ll get for quite a while. Romo is good for another couple of seasons as long as he stays healthy, but that surgically repaired back is one hell of a sword of Damocles hanging over the entire organization. That previously mentioned O-line is the key to keeping things regular, but even they’re starting to show signs of wear and tear. Should they falter, this will prove very problematic for Darren McFadden.

 

The crystal ball says:

 

The crystal ball likes Dez much more than I do, predicting a stellar season for a big time receiver in his prime. Romo will hold down the fort, thanks to that crucial offensive line that will suffer only minor injuries, and remain more or less intact through the season. Darren McFadden will show promise at first and then eventually disappoint. Dallas has a shot at the wildcard spot but she’s still a leaky boat holding herself above the surface in a division that is returning to its highly competitive ways.

 

New York Giants:

 photo newyorkgiants_zpsohv8rzx3.jpg

 

I think it’s pretty easy to get hyperbolic over New York’s potential this season, but I’m afraid that’s more from what’s expected of them than actual evidence. Sure, Eli’s too good to keep playing so poorly, and it’s easy to write off the last two seasons because of the mass of injuries sustained by Big Blue, but that’s also the lazy approach. Like many, when it comes to analyzing the Giants, I want to have my cake and eat it too. Yes, I think a healthier team will win more games, but I’m still dubious that this is a club that’s going to sweep back into the division.

I’m not particularly concerned about the stories surrounding Eli Manning’s contract, but regardless of what he purportedly wants, the fans and coaching staff need to see his ratio of INT’s to TD’s drop precipitously. He’s certainly proved it can go either way. I also didn’t like how Jason Pierre-Paul dealt with his team following that unfortunate sparkler accident. It looks like he’ll be returning to the Giants, and will play before the first half of the season is out, but his cagey statements from the hospital and seeming lack of interest to meet with the team’s officials had me seriously doubting his return to New York, or anywhere. At least JPP can rest assured that he won’t go down in history as the NY Giant guilty of the stupidest unnecessary injury of all time…

 

The crystal ball says:

 

Eli will bring his pick numbers down to below Andy Dalton levels, which will be considered a victory. There will be lots and lots of speculation as to whether or not Tom Coughlin keeps his job. He will, while chomping angrily on his gum the whole time. Jason Pierre-Paul will come back. He’ll do fine. Odell Beckham Jr. and Victor Cruz will be frustrated with the heavy coverage they receive from defenses that aren’t particularly scared of the run game. The Giants improve, making them a viable threat, but not as much as expected. THEN things will get crazy with Eli’s contract!

 

Washington Redskins:

 photo washingtonredskins_zpsvrcgzusi.jpg

 

It’s pretty obvious to me that the central cause of the Washington’s woes over the last few years have been due to a longstanding Native American curse brought on by owner Dan Snyder’s absolute refusal to change the franchise’s name and image in the face of good taste or common decency. RGIII is constantly nursing a bum knee or sitting concussed on the bench; relegated to selling sandwiches alongside a once obese pedophile. Now, Niles Paul and Junior Galette are out for the whole damn season. It doesn’t seem fair, and it shouldn’t be… Unless you remember that this team is named after a derogatory term coined during the genocide of an entire population. Feel free to write Dan Snyder a letter telling him how you feel.

Thanks to the curse, we’re left with an extremely weak offensive line supporting a glass-jawed QB. However, the defensive line is really interesting, and I think it’s the best thing the ‘skins have got going for them. There’s a good pass rush to be had there, and a good defense overall if the secondary can hold up. I don’t care if it’s Kirk Cousins or Colt McCoy, but either of these dudes will fare better than Griffin.

 

The crystal ball says:

 

More deserved suffering for a team with a shamefully behind-the-times character. RGIII will continue to fail and the Redskins will focus more on a mediocre ground game because of it. Fans can expect some joy through the defense, and some excitement when either of the backup QBs start airing it out to DeSean Jackson, the most electric offensive weapon this team has.

 

Philadelphia Eagles:

 photo philadelphiaeagles_zpsckjzuez0.jpg

 

Chip Kelly is the closest thing the NFL has to a mad scientist. He’s a singular coach in that his megalomaniacal vision for his club’s success is less predicated upon individual player performance and more so on the crazy scheme in his head. I mean that as a compliment. The Foles/Bradford trade wasn’t about Foles’ merits or deficiencies on the field; it was about Sam Bradford working better in Kelly’s vision.

So Bradford and Murray are going to be the experiment and the gamble. Both are players that fit with Chip Kelly’s Eagles (trademark registered), but both are also injury prone. Unlike other teams in the NFC East, Philadelphia has a deeper bench. Mark Sanchez works well in this offense and Ryan Matthews and Darren Sproles can certainly help take some of the pressure off of Murray. All the meticulously planned and thought out offense in the world can’t cover a weak defense that ranked near the bottom of the league last season. If things looked as exciting for the Eagles on the other side of the ball then they would be a true Super Bowl contender.

 

The crystal ball says:

 

The ball likes the Eagles this year, and thinks they’re the frontrunner to win the division, thanks in part to a cushy schedule. The mad scientist has the offense that he wants and I think it’ll come through for him. The defense will improve incrementally but there’s going to be plenty of shootouts to keep Bradford’s throwing arm in shape. Finally, I’m proud of myself for having made it this far without making a single Tim Tebow joke.

 


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