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Battle of the Network Stars

Published on : July 2, 2017

Welcome to the new Battle of the Network Stars. For those who don’t know, this is a revival of the vintage series from ABC Sports dating back 1976. The show ran until 1988 and normally had two episodes a year. It was hosted by the great Howard Cosell and featured a three way battle from the stars of ABC, NBC and CBS. This was the original Dancing with the Stars.

And because TV won’t let anything die, this sports reality vehicle is back! This time with special guest coach and NFL great, DeMarcus Ware. Plus former UFC champ, Ronda Rousey. With Mike Green and Joe Tessitore doing the commentary. This version of the show has dropped the network teams and instead grouped the contestants by the types of roles they have played. Crews like: TV cops, TV lawyers, TV politicians, TV doctors, primetime soap stars, TV mom and dads, TV kids, and etc. Each airing of the 10 episode run will pit two crews against each other in a gauntlet of events. There are even some folks who are returning for their second round of Battle of the Network Stars. Talk about a throwback.

AJ MICHALKA, TRACEY GOLD, DAVE COULIER, BRONSON PINCHOT, DEMARCUS WARE, TOM ARNOLD — *Team TV Sitcoms*

The events are just like back in the day. We still get to enjoy track, swimming, kayaking, basketball, soccer, tennis, the famous dunk tank, archery, golf, obstacle course and the the tug of war. It’s like some crazy decathlon for non-athletes. Half the fun is seeing who fails what. But then an endearing thing happens, you see one of the stars overcome in a situation you thought they had no chance in. It’s totally uplifting. And it gives you a little hope that maybe, just maybe, we can all find some inner strength someday.

I’m most looking forward to seeing team sci-fi which is Lou Ferrigno, Vinnie Jones, Charisma Carpenter, Kevin Sorbo and Jill Wagner. Team TV lifeguards also looks intriguing. The roster includes David Chokachi, Brande Roderick, Parker Stevenson, Nicole Eggert and Gena Lee Nolin. Rescue me. ABC is all in on this the retro game show thing. Beyond Battle, they also brought back The Gong Show while still enjoying Family Feud, Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. That’s a lot of old shit for one network. I’ve got a new idea for you ABC, how about show where celebs do my laundry. It could be called White Wash.

Let’s all just be happy that there are finally some sports to watch. The dark days are over. Battle of the Network Stars is on Thursdays this summer on ABC.

TV time.

The Sports Oscars

Written by : Bruno Tysh

Published on : March 30, 2017

Award season has come and gone. And in honor of the recent 89th Academy Awards, ScoreBoredSports would like to present the 1st annual Sports Oscars. Just what America needs, another award show! Press your tux and fill your flask because it’s time to walk the red carpet and hand out some gold statues to the year’s best sports performances. And to all the winners, don’t forget to thank your agent and your mom. Now, let’s get this show on the road. The first category is:

Best Supporting Actor

Draymond Green of the Golden State Warriors. After Kevin Durant came to town, Dray’s role on the team shifted. He no longer was needed to score the ball but instead had to become the defensive leader and do all the small things that help win games. No better example than back in February, when Green had the most unconventional of Triple Doubles. With only 4 points, he also tallied 12 rebounds, 10 assists and 10 steals (along with 5 blocks).

Makeup

Bryce Harper of the Washington Nationals. This was a tough one but Bryce’s under-eye black takes the cake. It’s kind of looks like Harper is the 5th member of Kiss mixed with a little Hawk and Animal from the Legion of Doom (WWF/WWE). I think more pros should follow the face paint lead. It’s a great way to show off some personality and it just washes off when you’re done.

Best Editing

The New England Patriots. These guys always seem to make the perfect roster moves They add players you think are only okay and then they preform insanely well and they cut talent you think is irreplaceable only to see them underperform with their new team. Perfect example: Lions cut ties with LB Kyle Van Noy after him not working out in Detroit. They trade him to New England. Cut to Van Noy flying around being one of the difference makers for the Pats, in the Super Bowl.

Best Original Screenplay

Jaromir Jagr of the Florida Panthers. The dude is 45-years-old and writing his own story where only he knows the ending. The man has 763 career goals, that’s good for third all-time behind Howe and Gretzky. Jagr has more points over the age of 40 than even Howe. So he is the best older hockey player we have ever seen. He loves to play and has no plans of stopping. I hope this story has a few more chapters.

Costume Design

The University of Michigan Men’s Basketball team. On their way to D.C. for the Big Ten tournament, their plane was forced to abort takeoff and then roughly skid off the runway. The Wolverines barely made it to the game but their luggage with their uniforms were still stuck on the plane. U of M channeled their inner Tim Gunn and had to ‘make it work’ because they rocked their practice jerseys, looked dope and won the game.

Documentary Feature

This is the only award that both SBS and the real Oscars agree on. We both have O.J.: Made in America as the winner for best doc. It’s superbly well-made and very captivating. You should check it out. And it’s not just for sports or murder fans. It fun for the whole family.

Best Score

Lionel Messi of Barcelona. Messi is a wizard with the ball in space but he is just as lethal when it comes to free kicks. This zinger comes from a stretch of 3 games where Messi had a free kick goal in each. That’s just insane. Click HERE to watch the clip and be amazed.

Best Actress

Serena Williams. Her huge win at the Australian Open gives her 39 total titles (singles, doubles, mixed doubles) in tennis. If this category is about incredible individual effort, than I can think of no one more accomplished than Serena. She is a joy to watch and has elevated the entire sport of tennis. Not just the women’s game. Serena Williams is a champion.

Best Director

Joe Maddon, skipper of the Chicago Cubs has to win this one. His arrival seemed liked the real turning point for this franchise. From his first weeks in Wrigley, it seemed liked things were different. Maddon directed the Cubs to their first World Series win in a jabillion years and for that he wins the award.

Best Picture

Maybe my Michigan bias is showing but the image is truly stunning and it was a huge moment/game for two teams hunting the NFL playoffs. I really wanted to be cool and just say “presented without comment” but that’s totally a comment. And I’m way better than that.

That’s going to do it for the first ever sports Oscars. List your favorite player or performance in the comments below. Not bad for our first award show. At least we never called the wrong winner.

Glitz.

An Australian Open for the ages

Written by : Bruno Tysh

Published on : January 31, 2017

I don’t really follow tennis beyond seeing some stray highlights on SportsCenter or hearing about one of the superstars, but the universe was telling me to pay attention. First, our guide when we went horseback riding kept talking about the Australian Open and then it came up again randomly, so I decided to tune in and was lucky enough to catch some world class sports entertainment. It was so good that I may have become a fan overnight. So in case you missed it, here are the highlights of an incredible tournament known as the Australian Open.

Serena Williams rules

Serena just captured her 23rd title after she defeated her sister, Venus, in straight sets in the Women’s Finals. Williams actually never lost a set the entire Open. Which is straight bonkers. This win cements Serena as not only one of the all time tennis greats but one of the best athletes ever, in any era. Her dominance is well documented and Williams has hardware in every tournament there is. The stupid issue here is that people feel compelled to frame her success within the fact she is a woman. That sexist garbage has no place.

I’ll say it again, Serena Williams is one of the all time greats of any sport. And by the looks of it, the 35-year-old isn’t slowing down, so be ready for her to win a few more titles before it’s all said and done. I don’t know enough about the sport to truly say this but her performance at the Australian Open makes it seem like Williams is only peaking now. Which is a scary concept. The only thing that can stop Serena Williams from winning is retirement. And let’s all hope that is years and years away.

Nadal vs Federer

The final matchup of the Australian Open pitted two legends against each other. Both men are very familiar with the other’s style of play so there would be nowhere to hide. This contest did not disappoint. It went to an intense 5th set after some amazing back and forth play. Federer took the first set 6-4, only to have Nadal storm back in dominate fashion to win the second set 6-3. Roger owned the third set 6-1 but couldn’t close it out. Nadal took set four by a score of 6-3. They played like two samurai. Waiting for their enemy’s error so they can strike.

The action was wicked. Aces then super long volleys all topped with some of the craziest shots you ever seen. It felt like a highlight reel. Nadal plays a tough game and demands your best because his effort will roll anyone who is not playing perfect. But Federer proved, over and over again that he is a champion. Roger routinely landed these perfect shots that are impossible to defend against. Even with Nadal’s athleticism. I watched the last set standing in front of the TV cheering, spilling my wine, and seeing Roger Federer win his 18th title.

Tennis is great. I love all the grunting and that little man in his tower by the net is so polite. He asks the crowd to please be quiet and they listen. The whole thing is so classy and the sportsmanship level is off the charts. Overall, this event seems catered to me, why else would the Men’s Finals be on 4am PST? It’s like they know, that’s when I’m up and watching TV. What fun. I guess it’s time to start watching more tennis and it’s all thanks to the Australian Open.

Love.

Your Sporting Summer Checklist

Written by : Bruno Tysh

Published on : July 25, 2016

As July melts into August, we can sense that summer is burning out. Kids and adults alike are dreading the return of the regular routine. Don’t despair, it’s not too late to save your vacation. All you need to do is get out of the house and get moving. Below is a bucket list of sports activities that should be enjoyed while you still can. Get out the sunscreen and your favorite tank-top because here is Your Sporting Summer Checklist.

1. Go see a baseball game

I know the MLB season is most of the calendar year but there is nothing like a summertime trip to the ballpark. One beer and a hotdog, please and thank you. I prefer the later start games that bleed into night. Often there are fireworks and the cooler evening air just makes everything perfect. Bring your glove, because you might just catch a souvenir. Another beer and hotdog, please.

2. Something on the water

Could be boating, tubing, kayaking, swimming, or even living that canoe life but do something on a natural body of water. I’m talking oceans, lakes, rivers, ponds, hot springs, whatever you got. Splashing in the pool is fun but a man-made watering hole is not the same as enjoying the outdoors of this majestic planet.

3. Hike/walk

Plan a fun route and make a day of it. Or at least a few hours. Bring water, your fully charged cell phones and maybe even a little snack. Going on a real-deal hike? Then up the gear. Med kit, map, ways to signal for help when phones won’t do the trick, more water, sun screen, etc. Dress appropriately. Hat and or sunglasses, multiple layers depending on conditions, and good footwear. No brand new hiking boots. These will hurt. You need to break them in first. No shitty old sneakers either. They offer no ankle support and often have little grip left on the bottoms. New to the game? Start small and easy. No one wants to get stuck on the endless hike to nowhere.

4. Bikes

Oil that chain up and go for a ride. It may look dumb but wear the helmet. Your brain will thank you later. Being on a bike transports you back in time to when you were a kid. Even your old ten-speed will zap you into nostalgia. There is just something about the freedom you feel on a bike that cannot be mirrored by anything else.

5. Camping

Within two hours driving from anywhere, there is a camp ground in the United States. Load up the car with essentials and hit the open road. If you plan accordingly, you can do most of the items on this list in one excursion. It will be an epic trip but you deserve an epic trip. Camping is excellent because you can’t help but feel connected to the earth. Don’t forget the bug spray, and a hatchet always seems to come in handy.

6. Try something new

Whatever is new to you. Go surfing, learn tennis, rock climb, paintball, something. Challenge yourself to explore different activities. If you need, rope your friends or family into it. You may not fall in love with the experience but there is no doubt you will be better off having tried it.

7. Be safe

There is a wealth of info on anything you want to pursue. Do a little research, be prepared. Have the stuff you need to safely have your summer fun. Nothing ruins a good time like a trip to the E.R. Be smart, plan ahead and don’t half-ass the the important stuff.

I promise that if you do each item on this list then you will have a great summer. Then when someone asks what you did over vacation, your only problem will be which adventures to share first.

Sunshine.

100 Greatest Joe’s in the History of Sports

Written by : Bruno Tysh

Published on : October 5, 2015

In honor of ScoreBoredSports’ 100th post we bring you a list of the 100 Greatest Joe’s in all of sports, past and present. This list will cover any variation of the name Joe. So names like Jo, Joey, Joseph, Jose are all fair game. Also accepted is any compound name using Joe and a hyphen. These ain’t your average Joe’s, these men and women dominate in their fields and have influence on the game. This isn’t just about who won the most, this is about who had control of the narrative. Don’t view this as a ranking but a guest list to the coolest party in town. Without further ado, here is your top 100 Joe’s.

100. Joey Harrington – NFL Quarterback

99. Joe Buck – NFL Announcer

98. Jose Calderon – NBA Point Guard

97. Big Joe Fauria – NFL Tight End

96. Joakim Noah – NBA Center

The hair, the intensity, what’s not to love? And yes, Joakim counts as a Joe.

95. Joe Johnson – NBA Shooting Guard/Small Forward

94. Joseph Young – NBA Guard

93. Jose Valverde – MLB Pitcher

92. Ronda Jo Miller – WNBA Forward

91. Jose Iglesias – MLB Short Stop

90. Shalrie Joseph – Soccer Defensive Midfielder

89. Jose Mourinho – Soccer Coach

This little Napoleon looks and is terrifying.

88. Joseph Randle – NFL Running Back

87. Joe Lombardi – NFL Offensive Cordinator

86. Joe Hart – Soccer Goalie

85. José María Olazábal – Golfer

84. J. C. Tretter (Joseph Carl) – NFL Center

83. Joe Bruin – UCLA Mascot

Only Mascot to make the list. This bear has real personality.

82. Joe Wieland – MLB Pitcher

81. Joe DeLoach – Sprinter

80. Josephine Chukwunonye – Tennis

79. Joey Votto – MLB First Base

78. Jose Canseco – MLB Outfielder

This hunk of beef. Remember when the ball bounced off his head for a Home Run? I do.

77. Joe Allen – Soccer Midfielder

76. Joseph Carr – Former President of the NFL

75. Joe DeLamielleure – NFL Guard

74. Joe Morgan MLB Manager

73. Joe Guyon – NFL Halfback

72. Joe Perry – NFL Fullback

71. Joe Lynch – Boxer

70. Joe Stydahar – NFL Tackle

69. Joe Haden – NFL Cornerback

One of the best CB’s in the league. He plays in Cleveland and doesn’t suck. That’s not easy.

68. Joe Maur – MLB Catcher/First Base

67. Joseph Fulks – NBA Small Forward

66. Joseph Lapchick – NBA Center

65. Jo Jo White – NBA Point Guard

64. Joe Vitale – NHL Center

63. Johnathan Joseph – NFL Cornerback

62. Joe Thornton – NHL Center

I really don’t like this guy but his beard is epic, almost wizard status.

61. Joe Cronin – MLB Shortstop/Manager

60. Joe Malone – NHL Center

59. Joe Hall – NHL Defensemen

58. Joe Primeau – NHL Center

57. Joe Philbin – NFL Coach

56. Joe Nieuwendyk – NHL Center

55. Joe Garagiola – MLB Catcher

54. Joe Weatherly – NASCAR Driver

53. Joe Lee Johnson – NASCAR Driver

This guy drives faster and better than you. All while wearing white pants.

52. Joe Kelley – MLB Left Fielder/Manager

51. Jose Reyes – MLB Shortstop

50. Joe Tinker – MLB Shortstop

49. Joe Medwick – MLB Left Fielder

48. Joe Mihalic – NASCAR Driver

47. Joe Sewell – MLB Shortstop/Third Base

46. Jose Altuve – MLB Second Base

Of the many Venezuelan studs taking over baseball. Better learn Spanish, cause he is here to stay.

45. Joe Williams – NFL Running Back

44. Jose Mendez – Baseball Pitcher

43. Joe Gordon – MLB Second Base

42. Joseph Brennann – ABL (basketball) Guard

41. Joe Thomas – NFL Offensive Tackle

40. Joe Gibbs – NFL Coach

He has a Super Bowl ring with the Redskins and he don’t Gibb a damn.

39. Joe Gomez – Soccer Defender

38. Joe Choynski – Boxer

37. Barbados Joe Walcott – Boxer

36. Jersey Joe Walcott – Boxer

35. Joe Schmidt – NFL Linebacker

34. Joe Jellybean Bryant – NBA Player/Coach

33. Joe Calzaghe – Boxer

32. Joe Jeanette – Boxer

31. Jose Bautista – MLB Right Fielder

30. Joe Flacco – NFL Quarterback

Tall dude, cannon for an arm. I think he collects stamps. Seems chill.

29. Joe Jackson -MLB Left Fielder

28. Joe Newton – Track Coach

27. Joe Susan – NCAA Men’s Football Coach

26. Mary Joe Fernández – Tennis

25. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga – Tennis

24. Jose Villareal – Soccer Midfielder/Striker

23. Fernando (Jose) Torres – Soccer Striker

Just your average, down to earth, super rich, futbol star.

22. Jose Aldo – UFC Fighter

21. Jose Fernandez – MLB Pitcher

20. Joe Gans – Boxer

19. Jose Abreu – MLB First Base

18. Joe Gibbs – Owner Joe Gibbs racing

17. Bullet Joe Simpson – NHL Defender

16. Joe Theisman – NFL Quarterback

15. Joe McGinnity – MLB Pitcher

14. Joe Rogan – UFC Announcer

That’s right, Joe Rogan. Fear Factor, Bitch!

13. Joe Paterno – NCAA Men’s Football Coach

12. Joe Lopes – Skateboarder

11. Joe Dumars – NBA Guard

10. Joe Fraiser – Boxer

9. Flo-Jo – Sprinter

8. Joe Sakic – NHL Center

7. Joey Crawford – NBA Referee

How long has this guy been enforcing his will on the NBA?

6. Joe Torre – MLB Manager

5. Joe Namath – NFL Quarterback

4. Mean Joe Greene – NFL Defensive Tackle

3. Joe DiMaggio – MLB Center Fielder

2. Joe Louis – Boxer

1. Joe Montana – NFL Quarterback

Swipe right.

Honorable Mention: Trader Joes, Jose Cuervo, Joe Dirt, Bazooka Joe, Mighty Joe Young, GI Joe, Joseph and his fancy dreamcoat and our very own Joe Piel.

Also, I know I missed a bunch of deserving athletes. So in your nicest, indoor voice, please tell me about it in the comments. Thanks again for reading and here’s to another 100 posts! Cheers!

Champ and Chump of the Weekend

Written by : Ryan Jaquith

Published on : September 16, 2015

Fans rejoiced this past weekend as the NFL kicked off its 2015 season. Add in a couple big college football tilts and the U.S. Open in New York, and it made for one jam packed weekend in sports. Week 1 in the NFL had some great story lines and some memorable moments. With that in mind, here’s my Champ and Chump of the weekend.

Champ: Marcus Mariota

13-16, 209 yards, 4 touchdowns, 0 turnovers. 95.7 QBR, 158.3 Passer Rating in a 42-14 victory over Tampa Bay

All he does is win.

In a much anticipated match up featuring the top two quarterbacks taken in the 2015 NFL draft, and the last two Heisman trophy winners, Marcus Mariota looked a lot more NFL ready than Jameis Winston, who threw a pick-six with his first throw. Many doubted Mariota coming into this season, fearing his style wouldn’t translate to the NFL, a trend that has been true with former Oregon quarterbacks in the past. Through one week, Mariota has silenced his critics for now, and the Jameis supporters have to hope that Winston’s career takes off much like the career of a former legend who also started his NFL career with a pick-six—Brett Favre.

Honorable Mention:

Michigan State football- Huge win over #7 Oregon avenging last year’s loss in Eugene

Novak Djokovic- Defeated Roger Federer for the US Open Championship, his 10th career major win

Zack Greinke- Pitched 8 scoreless innings vs Arizona to improve to 17-3 on the season, 1.61 ERA, 0.85 WHIP…truly remarkable season, could go down as one of the best seasons ever.

Chump: New York Giants

Rashad Jennings summing up how the Giants ended the game.

On a play that may be scrutinized as much as the Seattle Seahawks bonehead decision to throw the ball at the 1-yard line in last year’s Super Bowl, Eli Manning left many fans scratching their heads yesterday. The New York Giants were just about to shock the defending division champion Dallas Cowboys Sunday night when Eli Manning and company did the seemingly unthinkable. Up 23-20, the Giants had a 3rd and goal at the Cowboy’s 1-yard line with just over 90 seconds left. Out of timeouts, Dallas had no way of stopping the clock. The Giants had them on their heels, all they had to do was punch it in. Hell, they had two chances if they wanted. Worst case scenario, they come up short on 3rd down and kick the field goal to go up 6 and leave Dallas with under a minute and no timeouts to drive for a touchdown. Another scenario, on a potential fourth down, if the Giants came up short, Dallas would have to go some 99 yards without any timeouts for a touchdown, or some 60 yards for a field goal try with like 45 seconds left. Instead, on 3rd and 1, Eli dropped back to throw, and threw the ball away avoiding the pressure, but ultimately also avoiding the 40 second runoff that may have helped win New York the game. To make matters worse, it has been reported Eli told running back Rashad Jennings to intentionally not score with the hopes of draining the clock. Well, the G-Men may not have won the game but they did win the award for chump of the week.

Dishonorable Mention:

Adam “Pac Man” Jones- Flagged and fined for slamming Oakland Raider Amari Cooper’s head into his helmet

Florida football coach Jim McElwain- Childish tirade on the sidelines while berating a player

Detroit Lions/Offensive Coordinator Joe Lombardi- After leading 21-3 at San Diego, the Lions

gave up 30 unanswered points and lost 33-28. Calvin Johnson targeted just 4 times (2 catches)