Fantasy Dodgeball

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Published on : June 13, 2017

 

A question: if you had to make a fantasy dodgeball team made up of athletes from across every discipline, who would you pick? Which sports would you select from? Welcome to the brand new, hyper competitive world of fantasy dodgeball. Now line up against the gym wall and let’s pick squads.

 

Let’s say it’s a five person crew you are building. Who is your top draft pick? The player to anchor your unit. My first guess is to say LeBron James. Safe choice. Big, strong, natural leader, a history of handling balls. Seems like a good fit. But that begs the question: what are we looking for in a dodgeball player? You want athletes with good lateral movement, great hand-eye coordination and some affinity for balls or projectiles.

 

Mar 21, 2016; Cleveland, OH, USA; Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) look to pass during the fourth quarter against the Denver Nuggets at Quicken Loans Arena. The Cavs won 124-91. Mandatory Credit: Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports

 

The NFL is an interesting place to pull a talent from for the new pro dodgeball league. But what position to choose? Classic logic would say quarterback. Someone with a strong arm and good feet. Maybe Cam Newton type. But what about thinking defensively and taking an NFL safety or corner. Someone to cover the back end and catch thrown or deflected shots. Someone like Richard Sherman. Great instincts, reaction time and hair. Perfect fit.

 

So we have our leader and our back end covered, Now, we need some shooters. Serena Williams comes to mind. Super powerful, great footwork and that work ethic would make her killer on the wing. And for those of you concerned, no racket-no problem. Williams is a mega athlete who can probably do anything. Above all, it’s her court presence that will be the biggest asset moving forward.

 

 

From the ice, I’d like to call up Dylan Larkin from the Detroit Red Wings. Larky is the star of tomorrow and maybe one of the fastest kids on skates today. Every championship team needs that scrappy little guy who just won’t quit. Well that’s Dylan. Don’t let his size fool you. His heart and skill are as big as a mountain. Plus, in a game where getting hit gets you eliminated, being small isn’t the worst thing.

 

On to the world of baseball. Once again, classic logic may lean you towards a flamethrower pitcher but remember, dodgeball is a fluid game. All players must be moving and dodging or it’s game over. This critical emphasis on mobility takes me from pitcher to infield. We want someone with a cannon of an arm but the athleticism to keep up. Say hello to Manny Machado. His arm and glove are some of the best in the bigs. Plus he’s got the strength and speed to deliver some haymakers of his own.

 

 

That’s my team: LeBron James, Richard Sherman, Serena Williams, Dylan Larkin and Manny Machado. Not bad for a first time General Manager of a made up league. Leave your fantasy dodgeball roster ideas in the comments below. And to keep it fun, only one player from each sport. Please and thank you. Now, let the rubber fly!

 

Dodger.

 

 


The Sports Oscars

Written by :
Published on : March 30, 2017

 

 

Award season has come and gone. And in honor of the recent 89th Academy Awards, ScoreBoredSports would like to present the 1st annual Sports Oscars. Just what America needs, another award show! Press your tux and fill your flask because it’s time to walk the red carpet and hand out some gold statues to the year’s best sports performances. And to all the winners, don’t forget to thank your agent and your mom. Now, let’s get this show on the road. The first category is:

 

Best Supporting Actor

Draymond Green of the Golden State Warriors. After Kevin Durant came to town, Dray’s role on the team shifted. He no longer was needed to score the ball but instead had to become the defensive leader and do all the small things that help win games. No better example than back in February, when Green had the most unconventional of Triple Doubles. With only 4 points, he also tallied 12 rebounds, 10 assists and 10 steals (along with 5 blocks).

 

Makeup

Bryce Harper of the Washington Nationals. This was a tough one but Bryce’s under-eye black takes the cake. It’s kind of looks like Harper is the 5th member of Kiss mixed with a little Hawk and Animal from the Legion of Doom (WWF/WWE). I think more pros should follow the face paint lead. It’s a great way to show off some personality and it just washes off when you’re done.

 

Washington Nationals v St Louis Cardinals - Game Two

 

Best Editing

The New England Patriots. These guys always seem to make the perfect roster moves They add players you think are only okay and then they preform insanely well and they cut talent you think is irreplaceable only to see them underperform with their new team. Perfect example: Lions cut ties with LB Kyle Van Noy after him not working out in Detroit. They trade him to New England. Cut to Van Noy flying around being one of the difference makers for the Pats, in the Super Bowl.

 

Best Original Screenplay

Jaromir Jagr of the Florida Panthers. The dude is 45-years-old and writing his own story where only he knows the ending. The man has 763 career goals, that’s good for third all-time behind Howe and Gretzky. Jagr has more points over the age of 40 than even Howe. So he is the best older hockey player we have ever seen. He loves to play and has no plans of stopping. I hope this story has a few more chapters.

 

Costume Design

The University of Michigan Men’s Basketball team. On their way to D.C. for the Big Ten tournament, their plane was forced to abort takeoff and then roughly skid off the runway. The Wolverines barely made it to the game but their luggage with their uniforms were still stuck on the plane. U of M channeled their inner Tim Gunn and had to ‘make it work’ because they rocked their practice jerseys, looked dope and won the game.

 

 

Documentary Feature

This is the only award that both SBS and the real Oscars agree on. We both have O.J.: Made in America as the winner for best doc. It’s superbly well-made and very captivating. You should check it out. And it’s not just for sports or murder fans. It fun for the whole family.

 

Best Score

Lionel Messi of Barcelona. Messi is a wizard with the ball in space but he is just as lethal when it comes to free kicks. This zinger comes from a stretch of 3 games where Messi had a free kick goal in each. That’s just insane. Click HERE to watch the clip and be amazed.

 

Best Actress

Serena Williams. Her huge win at the Australian Open gives her 39 total titles (singles, doubles, mixed doubles) in tennis. If this category is about incredible individual effort, than I can think of no one more accomplished than Serena. She is a joy to watch and has elevated the entire sport of tennis. Not just the women’s game. Serena Williams is a champion.

 

 

Best Director

Joe Maddon, skipper of the Chicago Cubs has to win this one. His arrival seemed liked the real turning point for this franchise. From his first weeks in Wrigley, it seemed liked things were different. Maddon directed the Cubs to their first World Series win in a jabillion years and for that he wins the award.

 

Best Picture

Maybe my Michigan bias is showing but the image is truly stunning and it was a huge moment/game for two teams hunting the NFL playoffs. I really wanted to be cool and just say “presented without comment” but that’s totally a comment. And I’m way better than that.

 

 

That’s going to do it for the first ever sports Oscars. List your favorite player or performance in the comments below. Not bad for our first award show. At least we never called the wrong winner.

 

Glitz.

 

 


An Australian Open for the ages

Written by :
Published on : January 31, 2017

 

 

I don’t really follow tennis beyond seeing some stray highlights on SportsCenter or hearing about one of the superstars, but the universe was telling me to pay attention. First, our guide when we went horseback riding kept talking about the Australian Open and then it came up again randomly, so I decided to tune in and was lucky enough to catch some world class sports entertainment. It was so good that I may have become a fan overnight. So in case you missed it, here are the highlights of an incredible tournament known as the Australian Open.

 

Serena Williams rules

 

Serena just captured her 23rd title after she defeated her sister, Venus, in straight sets in the Women’s Finals. Williams actually never lost a set the entire Open. Which is straight bonkers. This win cements Serena as not only one of the all time tennis greats but one of the best athletes ever, in any era. Her dominance is well documented and Williams has hardware in every tournament there is. The stupid issue here is that people feel compelled to frame her success within the fact she is a woman. That sexist garbage has no place.

 

I’ll say it again, Serena Williams is one of the all time greats of any sport. And by the looks of it, the 35-year-old isn’t slowing down, so be ready for her to win a few more titles before it’s all said and done. I don’t know enough about the sport to truly say this but her performance at the Australian Open makes it seem like Williams is only peaking now. Which is a scary concept. The only thing that can stop Serena Williams from winning is retirement. And let’s all hope that is years and years away.

 

Nadal vs Federer

The final matchup of the Australian Open pitted two legends against each other. Both men are very familiar with the other’s style of play so there would be nowhere to hide. This contest did not disappoint. It went to an intense 5th set after some amazing back and forth play. Federer took the first set 6-4, only to have Nadal storm back in dominate fashion to win the second set 6-3. Roger owned the third set 6-1 but couldn’t close it out. Nadal took set four by a score of 6-3. They played like two samurai. Waiting for their enemy’s error so they can strike.

 

 

The action was wicked. Aces then super long volleys all topped with some of the craziest shots you ever seen. It felt like a highlight reel. Nadal plays a tough game and demands your best because his effort will roll anyone who is not playing perfect. But Federer proved, over and over again that he is a champion. Roger routinely landed these perfect shots that are impossible to defend against. Even with Nadal’s athleticism. I watched the last set standing in front of the TV cheering, spilling my wine, and seeing Roger Federer win his 18th title.

 

Tennis is great. I love all the grunting and that little man in his tower by the net is so polite. He asks the crowd to please be quiet and they listen. The whole thing is so classy and the sportsmanship level is off the charts. Overall, this event seems catered to me, why else would the Men’s Finals be on 4am PST? It’s like they know, that’s when I’m up and watching TV. What fun. I guess it’s time to start watching more tennis and it’s all thanks to the Australian Open.

 

Love.

 

 


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