Overreaction: NFL Week 2

Written by :
Published on : September 20, 2016

 

 

Week 2 is over. The 2016 season is officially off and running. Some would say it’s still too early to know anything about the identity of teams but those people have obliviously never met me. Listen up while I spout off wild, speculative snap judgements on all 32 NFL teams after only two games completed.

 

– The Bills are 0-2 and their season is already over. It was fun while it lasted Buffalo. Maybe they should have let Rock Star Bon Jovi buy the team a few years back.Well, better luck next time. Living on Prayer.

 

– The Jets offense is great as long as Matt Forte stays healthy and keeps moving them down the field. Without him, this team is doomed to be a sub .500 unit.

 

– The league office still hates the Detroit Lions. The conspiracy continues. In the 15-16 loss to the Titans, the Honolulu Blue and Silver were flagged 17 times for 138 yards. None worse than the two fantom calls that negated TD’s on back-to-back plays. Those calls completely changed the landscape of the game.

 

 

– The Titans are now 1-1 but this crew showed me little to make me believe in them. They exploited a super injury-weakened Lions D and scored some late points but that seems more situational than skill. It was mostly just smart play calling. I’m obviously still salty about this but this team sucks plain and simple.

 

– The Panthers got back on track in week 2 with a solid performance against the 49ers. Cam had 4 TD’s with two going to Kelvin Benjamin. This offense is even better than last year because Benjamin is back. Panthers look bound for another deep playoff run.

 

– San Fransisco blew out the Rams last week and no one knew what to make of them, but hanging with Carolina tells me they are more complete than most think. They leave the bottom of the barrel of last campaign and join the blurry middle of the pack.

 

– The Cincinnati Bengals cannot beat the Steelers. They melted down in the playoffs last year and failed again at Heinz field this Sunday. Marvin Lewis needs to figure a way to slay this dragon or else they might never get Andy Dalton that postseason win.

 

– The Steelers are legit. They score bunches of points and this is all without star running back Le’Veon Bell. If Big Ben stays off IR than the steel city boys are eyeing another division crown and maybe a meeting with the Patriots in the conference finals.

 

 

– Speaking of the AFC North, the 0-2 Cleveland Browns still suck. What’s new? Week 3 may see the Browns start their third QB of the year. Ouch. This team is done. Go hang out with the Bills. Your year is over.

 

– Baltimore is 2-0, sounds great but they barely came back against Cleveland and squeaked by Buffalo week 1. Two close wins against the worst of the NFL does not inspire confidence.

 

– Washington is 0-2 after losses to Dallas and Pittsburgh. Kirk Cousins is playing on the Franchise Tag trying to prove he is worth a big contract. So far, he hasn’t shown that moxie of 2015. Things better turnaround quick or the D.C. area may have to start rebuilding, again.

 

– The Cowboys got their first win with rookies Dak Prescott at QB and Ezikel Elliot at RB. This young team is lead by that great offensive line but I don’t see them going too far with all that inexperience running the show.

 

– Giants are looking good. I talked shit about them before but at 2-0 they are now the favorites to win the NFC East. The defense has played well and they have showed guts in two close contests.

 

 

– The Saints are winless. It feels like the same story every year with these guys. They can score lots of points and Drew Brees keeps it close but they can’t string the W’s together. No chance at the playoffs.

 

– The Miami Dolphins. A squad full of talent and names that never seems to be able to put it all together. Another slow start at 0-2 and Arian Foster is already dealing with health issues. Call the nurse, we have another dead team. Sorry not Sorry.

 

– The New England Patriots are undefeated and playing without Gronk or Brady. Their next two games are at home and untested rookie, Jacoby Brissett, may start at QB for the injured Jimmy Garoppolo. If the Pats are ever going to lose, it may be next week against Houston, but after that, they will probably run the table. As per usual.

 

– The Houston Texans will win the AFC South. They are 2-0 and the most complete team in the division. I’m sure JJ Watt can’t wait to introduce himself to Brissett on Thursday night.

 

– Kansas City Chiefs are a hard team to read. They beat the Chargers week 1 but lost to the Texans. They will hang around the Wild Card spot most of the year only to drop off at the end.

 

 

– The Los Angeles Rams are one of the worst teams in the league. It pains me to type that because they are now my second favorite. It’s a mystery how they beat Seattle but it was a 9-3 ugly affair. They should start planning their draft picks now.

 

– The Seahawks are 1-1 after that bizarre game with L.A. that saw injuries to Thomas Rawls, Tyler Lockett and Russell Wilson. Russ stayed in the game but was clearly ailing. Seattle will weather the storm and make a serious push for the playoffs.

 

– Arizona lost a close one with the Pats in week 1 and took their anger out on the Bucs in week 2. This is a solid team top to bottom. They will be hosting a postseason game. Hopefully Carson Palmer can last that long.

 

– Tampa Bay is 1-1. They have some nice pieces across the roster but don’t get too excited. They are not ready for prime time. Maybe they can finish second in the NFC South. No postseason though.

 

– Jacksonville Jaguars were a breakout pick from many talking heads in the sports world. I’ll admit they have many promising players but they still suck.

 

 

– San Diego Chargers are once again battling the injury bug. Already, key starters Keenan Allen and Danny Woodhead are done for the year. This trend will unfortunately continue because that’s what happens in San Diego.

 

– The Falcons sit at 1-1. Matty Ice leads an even attack that is more than effective but the lack of close out defense will limit Atlanta’s potential. No playoffs for you, one year.

 

– The Raiders have all the tools needed to make the postseason and they will finally punch their ticket this year. Move over Warriors, Oakland’s true love is going to the dance for the first time since 2002.

 

– The Colts can’t stop anybody so they will keep losing. They are 0-2 and have zero chance of winning their division.

 

– Broncos will be playing without DeMarcus Ware for a bit but it’s okay, that defense is still so nasty that they will be in every game. Look for Denver to have another serious playoff run.

 

 

– Green Bay is 1-1 after a win over the Jags and a loss to the rival Vikings. Jordy Nelson doesn’t look 100% and Eddie Lacy is still fat. I hope and pray the wheels fall off but they will probably turn it around all over the my Lions this Sunday.

 

– The Sam Bradford project is working in Minnesota. The Vikings beat the Packers which is all you need to do to win over the locals. The team is 2-0 but may have lost Adrian Peterson for extended time. I still see them in the hunt for a Wild Card birth.

 

– Carson Wentz looks good in two games. The Eagles are 2-0 and those monsters in Philly must be smiling. Just wait for some adversity and those cheers will turn to boos. The Eagles can’t keep this up.

 

– Bears are really bad. Jay Cutler is worse. And the schedule doesn’t get any easier. At least the Cubs are good.

 

Is it week 3 yet?

 

 


The ones I Love to Hate: NFL QB Edition

Written by :
Published on : September 4, 2016

 

 

We all have people we don’t like. We can never really like everyone. It’s just part of the human experience. Sometimes there is a legitimate reason for that dislike, perhaps the person has wronged you in some way or behaved in a way that just didn’t jive with you. Other times, there might not be a reason you dislike that someone, you just do. That’s okay too. Well as with most things in life, this can relate to sports as well.

 

Obviously we all have our hated rivals that we just can’t stand. Maybe it’s because they always beat your team’s ass on the field or maybe it’s because they are a pesky thorn in the side of your favorite squad as they try to win a championship. But there are also those guys that your team barely ever plays that you still can’t stand. It happens to us all, and I’m here to help you embrace that strong dislike, or dare I say hate, by giving you glimpse at the NFL QBs that I love to hate.

 

AARON RODGERS

 Most hated.

 

FUCK THIS GUY! When I was young, I didn’t think I could ever possibly hate a Packers QB more than I hated Brett Favre. Then this smug bastard plummeted in the 2005 draft and landed in Green Bay. He’s been making me hate my football life pretty much ever since. Remember that hail mary TD pass that was the result of a bullshit face mask call? Yeah, me too. I still see it in my nightmares every fucking night of my miserable Lions-loving life. The 49ers can fuck right off too for drafting Alex Smith over him. How did that work out? Whatever, I just have to hope Ziggy Ansah develops into a Rodgers killer and turns the tide in the Lions’ favor because I can’t take much more of this guy murdering the Lions.

 

JAY CUTLER

 A face only a mother could love.

 

I kind of feel bad for this dopey bastard but still, fuck him too. I know this list is starting out with the two biggest rivals of my favorite team, but hear me out. I’m pretty sure most Bears fans can’t stand Jay Cutler by now. He has continually underwhelmed as the guy leading the Bears’ offense. He pretty much squandered an offense that consisted of Matt Forte, Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey. Martellus Bennett, who recently left that offense, expressed frustration at Cutler’s decision making. “He just sucks. And he happens to have perhaps the most punchable face in all of the NFL.” I’m just happy that he hasn’t beaten the Lions in 6 straight meetings. Here’s to hoping we get to see this sad sack of trash lose to the Lions forever.

 

TOM BRADY

 Best Friends Forever.

 

In all reality, I should like this guy because I’m a huge University of Michigan fan but he still bothers the shit out of me. Ever since that first Super Bowl in 2001, I’ve had a simmering hatred for Tom Brady and the Patriots. You can see how highly I think of Tom and coach Belichick here. I fully accept and submit to the fact that they are the greatest coach/QB combination ever, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. There’s something infuriating about how easy he makes winning look. Maybe it’s the jealous rage inside of me fueled my desire to be part of a winner but I’m pretty sure it’s just that he kind of seems like an asshole. Also he’s homies with Donald Trump so he has to be shitty. If we’re lucky he will start to decline soon and we can stop having to hear about him and Roger Goodell fighting all the time.

 

RUSSELL WILSON

 What a tool.

 

It’s pretty well documented here at ScoreBoredSports that I can’t stand Russell Wilson. He’s such a tool. Like everyone else on this list outside of Jay Cutler, I accept that he is a very talented quarterback. His run at the end of last season was downright bananas. He’s going to be a good football player for a very long time. That’s what makes it even worse. I’m seriously going to have to deal with this guy’s bullshit for the next decade. His relationship with Ciara is enough to make you want to vomit. It all looks so staged. If I was a Seattle fan, I’d be stoked to have him but I think I speak for everyone outside of the Pacific Northwest when I say that I can’t wait for the time when he hangs up the cleats and walks off into the sunset. Maybe he can move to Tibet and become a monk. Perhaps even some sort of lifetime vow of silence can be arranged?

 

That’s it for the ones I love to hate. Which quarterbacks rub you the wrong way? Add your most hated in the comment section below, and stay tuned for other players that I love to hate.

 

 


Most Annoying People in the NFL

Written by :
Published on : June 16, 2016

 

I love football. Who doesn’t, right? But just because I love America’s (true) pastime does not mean that I love all of the players or coaches in the NFL. In fact, as a rule, I dislike almost everyone who doesn’t play for my beloved Detroit Lions. Of course there are players on other teams who I enjoy watching and maybe even cheer for, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. It’s the players and coaches that drive me crazy that bring me here today. Not because they constantly beat and embarrass my home town team (well, maybe), but just because they suck at life. Let’s take a look at some of the most annoying people in today’s NFL.

 

Aaron Rodgers

 

Okay, this one might be partially caused by jealousy and resentment but still, fuck this guy. If I have to see him do the stupid discount double check (or beat the Lions) again, I’m going to explode. Plus he is dating Olivia Munn!?! What an asshole. He’s super talented and all that, and maybe it’s just those ugly ass green and yellow uniforms, but I seriously can’t stand him. He’s so smug, especially when sporting one of his various creepy ass mustaches. Here’s to hoping the Lions sack him 25 times next year.

 

AaronRodgers
                              He looks like that uncle in the family that no one wants to leave alone with the children.

 

 

JJ Watt

 

JJ Watt is a totally regular guy, just like you and me. Oh wait, no he’s not. He’s arguably the best player in the league and is also a total clown who I’m tired of seeing. Let’s just all be thankful that Hard Knocks isn’t covering the Texans again so we don’t have to see anymore of his fake ass country, good ol’ boy routine that he desperately uses to get his legions of fans to relate to him. I honestly enjoy watching him play. He’s a beast out there. But I honestly can’t stand him anymore. Like Jennifer Lawrence, if you have to constantly remind the world that you’re just a regular person, then you’re probably not. Also he just released a logo for his personal brand that I think sucks. What is that, a ‘W’?

 

jj-watt-logo

 

 

Russell Wilson

 

Russell Wilson may be the lamest person ever to put on a helmet and step on to a NFL field. From claiming that God speaks directly to him, to claiming that something called Recovery Water helped cure his concussion, this dude is completely full of shit. His whole relationship with Ciara makes me want to barf. Saving yourself for marriage, Russell?  Why don’t you save the bullshit. This dude is a robot who will do whatever it takes to get people to like him. And you know what? No one outside of Seattle does. I realize the dude is really talented, but he is also super corny. Just watch his University of Wisconsin commencement speech from a few weeks ago and see. Notice the pity laughter he gets from his not so funny, totally not relatable Super Bowl interception joke at the 1:43 mark.

 

 

 

Rex Ryan

 

I don’t understand why this guy keeps getting head coaching jobs in the NFL. He is a (supposed) defensive mastermind, but the dude can’t develop a decent quarterback to save his life. On top of that, he constantly puts his foot in his mouth by saying some of the most boneheaded things to the media. I guess he can be mildly entertaining from an outsiders standpoint but if I was the owner of a NFL franchise and really wanted my team to succeed, why would I choose someone who has proven time and time again that they can’t provide the type of offensive football necessary to succeed in the game of pro football? Seriously, Buffalo, what were you thinking? This guy is just some good defense and a bunch ridiculous soundbites. As a defensive coordinator, sure, but as my head coach and face of the franchise, no thanks.

 

alg-ryan-jpg

 

 

Jerry Jones

 

People used to talk a lot of trash about Al Davis when he was still around, but at least you could never question his knowledge of the game of football. He was a bit of a loose cannon as far as NFL owners go, but the dude knew the game. If you ask me, the same does not go for Jerry Jones. To be fair, he’s living out a lifelong dream of mine by having purchased an NFL franchise and played GM for the past few decades, but you can’t ignore some of the major blunders he has committed while running the team, the biggest of which has to be the firing of Jimmy Johnson after two consecutive Super Bowl victories. That’s insane. Jerry Jones is nothing but a rich attention whore who was lucky enough to be able to buy a pro football team. And it’s time for him to go away.

 

Oct 21, 2012; Charlotte, NC, USA; Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones point to the fans prior to the game against the Carolina Panthers at Bank of America Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jeremy Brevard-US PRESSWIRE

 

 

Did we miss anyone who you bothers the hell out of you? Call them out in the comment section below, and tell the world why that person is the worst.

 

 


ScoreBoredSports NFL Staff Picks: Week 17

Written by :
Published on : January 2, 2016

 

 

Well folks, it’s been an incredible year making picks for the all the SBS staff. We’re a bunch of smart motherfuckers. Though there was a heated competition and I am currently a distant second, I will make my boldest prediction yet: I will become the ScoreBoredSports NFL Staff Picks Champion. In fact, here is an excerpt of my acceptance speech:

 

 

But the real point here is more exposé than anything. What the hell got into SBS Editor and possible PED user Bruno? Here we are in a two-man race between myself and Ryan, comfortable on our laurels, when all of a sudden this dude Bruno gets the Shining and mounts a ridiculous comeback. In the last five weeks he’s been among the top two in picks, including blowing us all (out of the water) this past week. Sick of it. Someone needs to dig up the dirt.

 

Moving on, the trickiest game on the slate this week for me to pick was the Cardinals – Seahawks matchup, mainly because they’re both damn good.  The game is in Arizona, but there’s very little at stake for the Cards, already having won the NFC west, while Seattle and Russell Wilson were straight up Megachurching everyone in their path before that unfortunate Rams loss (yes, when it applies to Russell Wilson on the football field, I believe “Megachurch” can be used as a verb). That loss makes this game critical for the Seabirds, not so much for the Sandbirds, so I went with Seattle.

 

That about does it for the ScoreBoredSports NFL Staff Picks for this year.  Thanks so much to the readers, we sincerely hope that you made money gambling illegally, using our tried-and-true methods of nonsense.  Here’s to a great end of the NFL season, playoffs, Super Bowl, and hopefully a Roger Goodell Satan-worshipping scandal in the off-season.

 

My New Year’s resolution for 2016:

 

 

Week 17

 

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 6

Week 7

Week 8

Week 9

Week 10

Week 11

Week 12

Week 13

Week 14

Week 15

Week 16

 

 


Champ and Chump: Week 14

Written by :
Published on : December 16, 2015

 

 

A little more variety this week as we give some love to the frozen pond and hit the hardwood in our Champ and Chump sections. As always, the gridiron takes center stage with quarterbacks in the leading role. And there were a couple very memorable performances, while another gets awful reviews for his play. So here we go, see which players took a bow as the fans begged for an encore performance and who saw the curtains crash down on them. To the picks!

 

Champ: Russell Wilson

 Can Russell lead the Seahawks back to the Super Bowl?

 

Hard to find a hotter quarterback on the planet right now than Seattle’s Russell Wilson. A few weeks ago the Seahawks looked like a team that might miss out on the playoffs after consecutive Super Bowl appearances, especially when running back Marshawn Lynch went down with an injury. Since then, Wilson has led the Seahawks to four straight wins and has Seattle looking at a Wild Card spot. On Sunday, the Seahawks manhandled the Ravens 35-6 with Wilson finishing 23-32 and 292 yards with 5 touchdowns. During the four game win streak, Wilson has 17 touchdowns (1 rushing) and 0 interceptions. With Lynch expected back for the playoffs, Seattle may be hitting their stride, and for everyone else in the NFC that could be very bad news.

 

Honorable Mention:

Khalil Mack- The Oakland Raider finished with 5 sacks, as he constantly pressured and hit Denver’s Brock Osweiler, leading the Raiders to a 15-12 victory.

Eli Manning- Finished 27-31 and 337 yards with 4 touchdowns in a win on Monday Night in Miami. A nearly perfect evening for Eli keeping the Giants in the playoff hunt.

Patrick Kane- With an assist on Sunday night, Kane extended his points streak to 26 games as the Blackhawks blanked the Canucks 4-0. Kane leads the league with 46 points.

Golden State Warriors- Speaking of streaks, an incredible run was put to an end this past weekend as the Warriors took their first loss of the season after starting the year 24-0. Give the Bucks credit for being the first to take down the defending champs, but my guess is Golden State will get another streak going here real soon, and I predict they will win 70+ games.

 

 

Chump: Rajon Rondo

 Rondo wins the award for biggest chump.

 

Rajon Rondo is not known as one of the “good guys” by any stretch in the NBA, and he may have made matters even worse this past weekend. Disgusted with a call, Rondo lashed out on an official before being ejected, going as far as to call him a slur that rhymes with “maggot.” Days later, that official has come out as a gay man. Whether Rondo knew he was gay or not isn’t necessarily the issue, though I suppose Rondo looks even worse if he did. Just last year on a Dallas squad that made the playoffs, we saw Rondo absolutely give up on his team and wound up being benched by coach Rick Carlisle, who Rondo constantly argued with on and off the court. Once thought to be potentially the best point guard in the NBA, Rondo has continued to put up good numbers for the Kings all the while looking like an absolute joker.

 

Dishonorable Mention:

Robbie Gould- For the second consecutive week, Gould lined up with a chance to give Chicago the win or in this case a tie as time expired, and in both cases he missed it. The Bears easily could have won both these games making them 7-6 and just a game out of the playoffs with three winnable games left. However, instead they’re 5-8 with the chips stacked high against them.

Andy Dalton- The “Red Rocket” may have just cost the Bengals their season on Sunday. While blaming a guy for breaking his thumb while trying to make a tackle may seem a bit unfair, you have to consider the circumstance. In the redzone, Dalton threw an interception on an atrocious shovel pass attempt. I had to watch this replay a few times to even see what happened because it honestly looked like he just threw it to the defensive lineman and then dove into his knees. Dalton may be ready for the postseason where his resume absolutely needs a playoff win, perhaps more than any other quarterback.

Miami Dolphins- This one is personal. I just have to vent real quick. In the first round of my fantasy football playoffs I am sitting pretty at halftime with Lamar Miler and Josh Brown (NY Giants’ kicker) going against Odell Beckham Jr, who for the most part was held in check. Miller went off in the first half and Miami is leading so I think I’ll be ok. Fast forward to the second half and OBJ goes off for two scores (one being an 85-yarder) and Miller gets just 4 second half touches. Just 4! Thanks Miami, I hope you lose the rest of your games.

 

 


Who will win this year’s NFL MVP Award?

Written by :
Published on : December 15, 2015

 

 

With the 2015-16 NFL Regular Season wrapping up, we finally have a good idea of who all these teams and players actually are. It’s been a crazy year that has been full of surprises, jaw-dropping plays and sadly, some even more jaw-dropping mistakes from players and refs alike. As the playoff picture begins to come into focus, let’s take a look at which players have been absolutely indispensable to their teams and have a leg up on everyone else in the race for this year’s NFL MVP Award.

 

Tom Brady

 Brady is used to being in this conversation.

 

Nothing new here. The quarterback from New England has been consistently present in this conversation for the last decade or so, and this year seems to be no different. While his rival of old, Peyton Manning, has fallen apart before our eyes, Tom Brady has put together one of his more impressive seasons yet. Through 13 games he has amassed 4,138 passing yards, 33 touchdowns and only 6 interceptions, while completing 64.2% of his passes. The dude is unstoppable and seems to be showing no signs of slowing down. Sure, he has the best tight end in the game catching balls for him and keeping defenses occupied, but without Tom Brady, the Patriots go nowhere. There is no player more valuable to that team.

 

Cam Newton

 “What’s that you say? Playoffs? Yes please!”

 

Here’s a new face in the NFL MVP race. It’s not really all that surprising that the quarterback of a 13-0 team is on this list, but I feel like most people give the defense and running game the most credit for the Panthers’ success. While those two things are very big reasons for the Panthers continued greatness this year, Cam Newton has really stepped his game up over the last month or so, and catapulted himself into the MVP debate. He is coming off of a 38-0 dismantling of the division-rival, Atlanta Falcons in which he completed 71.4% of his passes, and he also has two games over the last month where he threw for 5 touchdowns. The Panthers would still be good without him, but there’s no way they would still be undefeated.

 

Russell Wilson

 16 touchdowns and 0 interceptions over the last 4 games. That’s nothing to sneeze at.

 

Like Newton, Russell Wilson, and the Seahawks as a whole, have really turned things up in the last month. With the exception of a 39-30 win over the Steelers three weeks ago, the team has been dominating the opposition and that’s very much the result of Wilson’s excellent play. He has completed a ridiculous 75.6% of his passes over the last 4 games for 1,171 yards, 16 touchdowns and 0 interceptions. Along with some help from the defense, Wilson has put the Seahawks firmly on the path to the playoffs and they now sit in the 1st wildcard spot. If he can keep playing like this, there’s no reason that the Seahawks can’t go to their 3rd Super Bowl in a row.

 

Who wins?

This is a really tough question. It’s hard to look past Wilson’s ridiculous numbers recently, and Tom Brady is the best qb in the game, but I think I have to give it to Cam Newton. This could change over the final three weeks of the season, but if the Panthers end up going 16-0, which is looking very likely right now, then I think Cam is a lock. Even if they drop 1 or 2 games before the playoffs, I still think it’s Cam’s award to lose.

 

 


16 Burritos

Written by :
Published on : August 26, 2015

 

 

“Michael, the fantasy league is going to be $100 this year. Is that cool?”

 

 

Shit. How did we get here? How did I — someone who can’t throw a football, whose first live sporting event was a charity basketball game between the Harlem Globetrotters and the Chicago Bears — get myself into a fantasy football league for serious money?

 

Now:  $100 may not be a lot of money to you, but that’s enough to purchase about 16 burritos. And I don’t care who you are, that’s a lot of fucking burritos.

 

taco zone 2

 

So what happened? It went down like this: three years ago, my friends asked me to join their league. That sounds pretty simple, but it wasn’t at the time.

 

Besides Super Bowl parties or small talk with my Uncles, football rarely popped up in my life back then. I didn’t watch games. I couldn’t name any players beyond Gisele Bundchen’s husband or that sad marshmellow always hanging around Kristin Cavallari. If I joined the league, I would be flying blind — no base knowledge, no compass. But I said what the hell, let’s do it. (It was only fifty then.)

 

Jay Cutler and Kristen Cavallari

 

First year, I turned on Autodraft and let the fates decide. They treated me well: I was handed Jamal Charles, AJ Green and Russell Wilson the year the Seahawks won the Super Bowl. My roster was so solid that I barely used the waiver wire. I was eliminated first round of the playoffs, but that was okay. I was just happy that I didn’t suck.

 

Jamal Charles

 

Year two, another Autodraft. My top pick was Adrian Peterson, only weeks before some legal trouble got him suspended for the season. My team was toast. I had lost my centerpiece; it was Thanksgiving dinner without a turkey. I needed the wavier wire, but didn’t use it enough. My team limped into second-to-last place. I didn’t like that year as much. I felt like I was one bad fedora away from being my league’s Andre.

 

paul-scheer-the-league

 

This year. The draft is less than two weeks away. Like every athlete with something to prove, I’m ready to make this season my bitch. But it won’t happen without some serious work. I’m talking about a full-on training montage that includes Sportscenter binges, charts, graphs, mock drafts, late-night Adderall and probably some crazy nightmares where I have to fill my flex position only seconds before kickoff while I’m naked at school.

 

Or not. During my first year in the league, my friend Joe and I were discussing our prospects of winning that season. He told me, “I never win. It’s just money I spend so I have something to talk about with my friends.” Of course, he’s right. Fantasy football is basically one big game of Capture The Flag with your friends, but none of you need to get home for dinner this time. Even when you lose, you win.

 

So yeah, $100 is cool with me. But you won’t get it without a fight. Because I love burritos.

 

 


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