SBS Guide to: Fidget Spinners

Written by :
Published on : July 14, 2017

 

If you don’t know what a fidget spinner is by now, you’ve been living under a rock or just woke up out of a coma. Marketed as an item for the ADHD afflicted, the fidget spinner is the fad of 2017. If you don’t have one, you’re missing out. These things are fun as hell.

 

There are many different types of spinners out there. Plastic, metal, light-up, mini, doubles, ones with superhero logos, even ones with Bluetooth speakers (Don’t buy those, I hear they can explode). All you need to get in on the craze is a plain ol’ plastic spinner with metal weights. They come in a variety of colors.

 

Fidget Spinners

 

Where did they come from? Short answer: China. Long answer: I’m not really sure. In the mid-90s, an inventor named Catherine Hettinger submitted a patent for a Spinning Toy, a small UFO-shaped plastic disc that is “designed to be spun on the finger” for enjoyment. Wikipedia incorrectly credited her as having created the ’17 Spinner, a claim to fame that she’s using on her own Kickstarter page even though she’s confirmed it isn’t true. In the mid-10s, an IT guy named Scott McCoskery invented the Torqbar. It’s basically the same concept, but it’s only got two arms instead of three. Having not used either of these antecedent objects, I cannot say how fun they are. I can only repeat that the fidget spinner, sold wherever money is accepted, is very fun.

 

How does it work? Simply balance or grip the toy and spin, spin, spin. I get a hypnotic satisfaction from watching it spin. Momentum carries it for a satisfyingly long time. But be warned, you’re buying a $4 dollar toy, and they can wear down quickly. That’s why you get two. Not only for that, but so you can learn how to do tricks.

 

 

Tricks are the reason that fidget spinners have been banned in schools all over America. It’s an addictive pursuit, but also distracting and potentially very destructive. YouTube is full of fidget spinner trick videos with kids pulling off some amazing shit. All tricks start with learning to catch. Toss the spinner with one hand and grasp it mid-air. It seems easy, but from experience, it’s difficult as hell. But I’m also over 30.

 

 

Better than the trick videos are the fail videos. These things can break a lot of stuff. One kid even chips his tooth while trying to spin it on his tongue. Idiot.

 

Should you get yourself a fidget spinner? Absolutely, 100% yes. It’s not just a toy, it’s a fad. Fads are time capsules of a specific era. Specifically, the (usually very short) era when everyone thought this one thing was really cool. Fidget spinners are 2017’s entry into the Fad Hall of Fame, ready to stand with fads like Beanie Babies, Hoverboards, The Macaerna, Pogs, Snuggies, Chia Pets, The Clapper, the Ice Bucket Challenge, Magic Eye books, Pokemon Go and Weird Al Yankovic.

 

Seriously. Buy one, play with it for a week, then put it in a drawer. Your future kid is going to love it.

 

 

 


5 Things To Do Now that Football is Over

Written by :
Published on : February 11, 2016

 

 

The Super Bowl has come and gone. All we have left is half a bag of Doritos and a hangover that won’t go away. So now what? It’s months ’till the draft and you got to spend your time doing something. Here is a little help for those of us who need to fill a void in our lives. These are the top 5 things to do now that football is over for the season.

 

1. Catch up on your social calendar

brunch

 

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t worked a shift or had a non-football related meal or hangout for the last 20 Sundays. Now that the weekends are open, I can finally meet up since there is suddenly free time. First order of business is take the girlfriend out for some brunch. Maybe see that new movie or actually visit that buddy you always ditch. If you are feeling extra charitable, go see that pal’s improv show or band. The main point here is you need to stockpile brownie points now before football starts up again. This is an important part of the offseason. You need to put in some work on these relationships or risk losing them all together. I suggest going to the events that serve drinks. Makes it a lot easier.

 

2. Get into the NBA

GSW
The Golden State Crew

 

The league is in a pretty good spot right now. You have big stars like Kobe on their farewell tour before retirement, LeBron’s quest to win Cleveland a championship as well as the Golden State Warriors, who are chasing down history for the best single season record ever. Pair that with tons of young talent all over the place and it is easy to see why most games have something fun to offer, even if it isn’t a marquee matchup. This is a great chance to jump into the game, as we are past the half way point of the NBA year and the action is really starting to ramp up.

 

3. Do your taxes

Taxes

 

Your employer should have sent your W-2 out. If not, please contact management. Collect all the necessary papers and get ready to file your return.  I used to do my own taxes using one of those sites, that was fine for super simple situations but I recently switched and started going to a legit CPA. Way worth it. What you pay the accountant is nothing compared to how much they can help you get back. There are tons of little tips and tricks that only the pros are privy to. Be smart, go to someone who knows what’s up. And I don’t mean one of those pop-up strip mall locations either.

 

4. Get into the NHL

 

Not a hockey fan? Why not? It’s fast and violent just like football but with harder names to pronounce. And like basketball, this is an excellent time to get involved. The playoff race is pretty tight coming out of the All-Star break. Currently, 24 of 30 teams are over .500, so almost anyone can get in. Find a squad and start cheering. Oh yeah, they still allow fighting.

 

5. Get back into Pogs

 

They are back. Stop trying to resist the invasion. If you are still in the dark then go back and follow the link to my old article. If you know and are still on the fence then I say stop being such a coward and let’s do this thing. Get your Slammer and meet me at the park. I’ll bring the Mountain Dew.

 

I hope this helps your NFL withdrawal. You want to come down easy and not crash. If you crash, that is when people get really hurt.

 

Pogs.

 

 


Pogs are back!

Written by :
Published on : February 8, 2016

 

 

Pogs, the original compact disc, are cool again. The strange collectable game is making a Christlike return that isn’t totally unsurprising since this is the era of remakes and reboots. Everything comes back in fashion eventually, and I guess Pogs are once again ready for their close up. I know most of you are saying “WTF is he talking about” or “I kinda remember that bullshit” but don’t fret, SBS will catch you up on all the rules and trends so you can be ready for the Pog invasion 2.0.

 

The Rules

Pogs are round paper/cardboard tokens with art on one side, normally featuring something wicked awesome like a spider, 8-ball or yinyang. Games need at least 2 players but could accommodate a whole group, all with the same rules. Each player picks an equal number of Pogs to play with. Let’s just say two players and ten Pogs each. They next make a mixed tower out of their combined Pogs. Making sure that they are all face down.

 

Gameplay is simple. Players take turns throwing. Using a extra thick Pog called a Slammer. These can be huge and made from materials like rubber, plastic or mean metal. So players use the Slammer to hit the tower of Pogs. Any Pog that flips face up goes to the thrower. Turns continue until all the Pogs have been claimed. The player with the highest number of Pogs, wins.

 

slammers

 

Some, crazy kids play for keeps. Meaning the Pogs you add to the tower can be lost permanently if they flip up when your opponent is shooting. Scary stuff, I know. I never play for keeps with any of my favorites. I mean you could lose an important member of your collection.

 

New Sets

Alf, Game of Thrones, Hunger Games all have new sets coming out (not fact-checked). These are the must-haves this Spring gaming season. If you do miss out on one of those hard to get pieces then you can always turn to eBay where for just a few hundred dollars, you could be the proud owner of a choice collection.

 

alf pogs

 

Get into it NOW!

This is going to hit us like a wave and you want to be surfing this one, my friend. You do yourself the favor and invest now. It’s a great game. It has original art and is basically gambling for kids. The Pogs get stored in this cool plastic tube that looks like weed from the medical dispensary. I think Gut Fieri is really into it (also not fact-checked). So if you ever meet him you can bring up Pogs and not food stuff. Then you guys would totally be friends and he would probably buy you some of those cool backwards sunglasses.

 

If you do one thing right in 2016, it should be get into (or back into) Pogs. It’s like Yoga, but for your mind. Think about that.

 

Just like time, fun is also a flat circle.

 

 


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