Roger Pretzel’s Haunted Dungeon Week 7: Landon Collins Insane Pick Six and “The Creature Walks Among Us”

Written by :
Published on : October 26, 2016

 

Welcome back to Roger Pretzel’s Haunted Dungeon. In this spooky sanctum I’ve poured over all the replay tape to come up with my favorite NFL play of the week. Then it’s straight back to the projector to unspool a film you may have not been aware of…

 

The lights have dimmed, the ghosts are screaming, and the chains rattle ominously.

 

Week 7: Landon Collins Insane Pick Six

 

We here at the Haunted Dungeon love a good pick six and this is the wackiest one we’ve come across this season. Straight from Twickenham Stadium in jolly old England, Case Keenum pitches one to Tavon Austin who gives up a monster tip that lands in the arms of Landon Collins. And that’s when the fun begins.

 

Intercepting the ball at the 45-yard-line, it takes Collins nearly fifteen whole seconds to cut and amble his way into the end zone. He does a good job breaking that first tackle that comes from behind with speed, and picks up an even better block immediately right after from safety Andrew Adams.

 

My favorite part of the play is the convoy of blockers at the end just rumbling through those last few yards before an exhausted Collins collapses into the end zone. It speaks to this wild and wooly six points being a team effort as opposed to just the singular heroics of one dude. Big Blue Wrecking Crew indeed.

 

Week 7: The Creature Walks Among Us

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Director: John Sherwood
Released: 1956

 

Universal Studios will always be best known for its cycle of classic monster movies from the 1930’s all the way into the 1950’s. You know the crew: Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolf Man, The Invisible Man, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon, not to mention a whole host of one-off chillers with the kooky The Old Dark House (1932) being my personal favorite. It’s also pretty amazing to think that our primary pop-culture visual conceptions of these monsters, particularly Dracula and Frankenstein, come directly from these movies.

 

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All these beasties appeared in multiple films and sequels, but in the entire cycle there is no single film more bizarre or improbable than The Creature Walks Among Us. Dig the plot: A deranged scientist and his cheesecake pinup wife are hunting the escaped the Gill-man down in the Florida Everglades. Upon capture, the monstrous innocent is horribly burned in a fire, and a surgery to save his life shows that he has human-like lungs in addition to his aquatic gills. The logical conclusion is to put the Creature in a bizarre ill-fitting suit and try to integrate him into society!

 

The ludicrous premise along with the Creature’s noticeably shabby make up design is a hoot, and when the picture tries to elicit sympathy for the Creature’s plight, with the bulkily clothed brute staring out longingly towards the ocean, you’ll enjoy picking your jaw up off the floor.

 

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Along with the inevitable and obligatory destructive rampage, there’s some hilarious scientific pontification about how the Creature’s genetic makeup could provide that boost to send man into space. There’s a truly memorable moment in which the Creature manhandles a savage mountain lion in a style that would make Andre The Giant proud.

 

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For proof that I’m not lying, behold the trailer here:

 

 

I couldn’t find any streaming options out there but there are plenty of cheap DVD copies available on Amazon.

 

 


Roger Pretzel’s Haunted Dungeon Week 3 (Special Edition Mamma Pretzel Picks): Derrick Johnson Pick Six and Awakening of the Beast

Written by :
Published on : September 29, 2016

 

Welcome back to Roger Pretzel’s Haunted Dungeon. In this spooky sanctum I’ve poured over all the replay tape to come up with my favorite NFL play of the week. Then it’s straight back to the projector to unspool a film you may have not been aware of…

 

The lights have dimmed, the prisoners manacled, and the graves have been robbed.

 

Week 3 Special – Mamma Pretzel’s Choice: Derrick Johnson Picks Off Fitzpatrick, Rumbles His Way 50-plus Yards For The TD

 

 

Mamma Pretzel is a football fan, and I’m lucky enough that each year her and I head off to Ford Field to see a Lions game in October. As I was chatting about the NFL with her while going over the highlights Monday so I thought I’d hand over the reigns and give her a shot at picking this week’s highlight.

 

I was personally pretty giddy over LeGarrette Blount’s long run for TD on Thursday night, aided by a great Julian Edelman block and capped off with a goofy photo-op celebration with the “minutemen,” but that was rejected out of hand by Moms: “I’m not going to pick anything involving the damn Patriots.” I submit without comment. “Well, I guess it’s gotta be that one…,” she admitted after reviewing Derrick Johnson’s pick of Ryan Fitzpatrick, who then went on to follow his blocks cleverly, end the thing with a nice stiff-arm, and stumble/spin into the end zone. It turned out to be a compromise seeing as how Mamma Pretzel is a bit of a Jets fan and a real-deal believer in Fitzpatrick. Again, I submit without comment.

 

Kansas City had their way defensively with the Jets at Arrowhead on Sunday. Fitz threw a whopping six interceptions, with this one being the final straw late in the fourth. While it was a lost cause for sure at that point, I love the focus by Johnson, as well as the dedication of Jets WR Quincy Enunwa rushing back only to take the rough stiff–arm to the mask that sealed the play. The Chiefs continue to have one of those maddening hot/cold defenses. At their best they are easily in the league’s top three, but that’s not always the team we see on Sunday. Thanks Mom! See you in October.

 

Week 3: Awakening of the Beast

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Director: Jose Mojica Marins
Released: 1970

 

Brazilian director and horror personality Jose Mojica Marins, better known by his top-hatted and long-taloned persona “Coffin Joe” is still working today, but he’s best known in the States for a duo of shockers made in the 1960’s that are lurid, stylish, and sport some great titles: At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul (1964), and This Night I’ll Possess Your Corpse (1967). The flicks are good fright fare with a combination of dreadful tone in the menacing character of Joe himself, and the general theme of the madman subjecting beautiful scantily clad women to torture by all manner of creepy-crawlies. Spider on midriff? Check. Snake around thigh? Check. Marins also has a legitimately threatening presence as an actor, imbuing these two films with a sense that violence can happen to anyone at any minute.

 

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Awakening of the Beast is sometimes considered the third installment in a trilogy along with the aforementioned films, but given Marins’ scattered and varied output, most of which involves Coffin Joe, I don’t find the assessment to be appropriate. More Roger Corman exploitation cheapie than spook show, Marins uses the hoary old MacGuffin of psychedelic drug use as an excuse to stage skits involving all manner of deviant sexual behavior (S & M, bestiality, and incest all get at least passing attention), and like many other good examples of the “freak out” genre this one switches over from black and white to candy color for a phantasmagoric orgy of sex and violence once the LSD properly kicks in.

 

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Laughably sensationalist treatment of drug culture and cheap thrills and chills aside, Marins using his own Coffin Joe character as a kind of mock-documentary host/educator instead of boogeyman bad-guy is the most fun to watch, and the picture’s crowning achievement.

 

This extremely NSFW opening scene gives you a taste of what Joe/Jose is serving up in Awakening of the Beast:

 

 

This one is pretty hard to get a hold of today, with no easy streaming options I could find, but it looks like Amazon sells DVD copies for pretty cheap. Both At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul, and This Night I’ll Possess Your Corpse are available for free in their entirety on Youtube.

 

 


Roger Pretzel’s Review ‘n Brew: Week 7

Written by :
Published on : November 1, 2015

 

 

In this little corner Roger Pretzel will review his favorite play of the week along with a thoughtful review of what beverage he was imbibing at the time.
 
 
 

Week 7: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie Pick-Six

Rodgers-Cromartie turns upfield after his second interception of the game.

VIDEO: HERE

 

Week 7’s divisional matchup was chock full of excellent highlights, mostly by the Giants, but there were certainly some memorable plays by the ‘Boys too. Unfortunately for Matt Cassel, the week’s highlight comes from a brilliant read and pick by DRC.

Cromartie gets three strong steps into the underthrown ball as Terrance Williams is forced to dive backwards, but once the cornerback gets the ball he’s just plain gone. Even with the showboating and high-high stepping Cromartie takes it back to the house lightning quick with a big ‘ole convoy of blockers to protect him. I’m definitely a bit sad that we’ve already run out of Cowboys/Giants matchups this season.

 

Week 7: Honorable Mention – Greg Hardy and Dez Bryant Are Gross. Odell Beckham Whines a Bunch.

VIDEO: HERE

There’s nothing like watching the league’s premier diva and one of its biggest scumbags jaw at each other like babies as “emotions run high.” We’ve seen Dez in this position before and I’m sure we’ll see him there again before long. As for Hardy, the Cowboys organization better thank their lucky stars that the special teams clipboard wasn’t a woman…

VIDEO: HERE

Speaking of divas, it looks like the Giants have got one in training with ODB. It became pretty apparent in the pre-season that his predilection for whining for flags on perfectly legal coverage was increasing. What is he trying to convey on this play, that it was a facemask? Just shut up and catch the ball, and if you miss it, return to the huddle or sidelines. Everyone’s always talking about how football is a “man’s game.” Is it really manly to complain directly to the officials? Odell, that’s what the postgame press conference and Twitter are for.

 

 

Week 7: Sum Poosie Energy Drink Mixed With Crystal Palace Vodka

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Feel that bass, dogg. Feel your heart palpitate as you pump your fist in time to the music. You’re jacked up and amped up and kinda pissed off all at the same time. You’re gonna get laid tonight, dude. Dude, you better. Look at all your homies taking over the floor.

Look at all the fine tail in here, bro. Dogg, your shirt cost so much money and it looks so good on you. Throw back another “Poosie and Palace.” Don’t bother to tip the bartender. Just dance so all these fly ladies see you. Try and freak on this girl. Back up, she doesn’t seem into it. Dude, you might be having a heart attack. No, it’s cool.

Your shirt’s all sweaty now though. Party foul. Did that bitch just give you stink eye? Fuck that, bro. Better get cleaned up in the bathroom. Grab another P & P on the way to the john. Gulp half of it in one go. That wasn’t a good idea. You’re not having a heart attack; you’re having a wicked panic attack.

Hide in the stall. Gasp and sob until your homies find you there at 3:00 AM and drive you home. Wake up in the morning. Have the worst hangover of your entire life.

 


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