The Best Facial Hair in Sports

Written by :
Published on : May 6, 2016

 

I’ve been into sports my whole life. I’ve also had some sort of facial hair since I could grow it at 13. So this seems like a natural topic for me to cover. Get your old-timey mustache wax and your beard oil and let’s comb through the best the whiskers in pro sports.

 

Mustaches are a must

Many of the great coaches, players and fathers of the 70’s and 80’s rocked some excellent ‘staches. It was the fashion of the day. Think Tom Selleck in Magnum P.I. or Burt Reynolds in every movie ever.

 

Mike Ditka:

Picture perfect. This classic dad look owned the sidelines of Chicago. You can draw cartoon Ditka by simply doing the mustache and sweater. Like a modern day Groucho Marx.

 

Lanny McDonald:

Lanny-McDonald

This guy means business. If this isn’t the soul of old time hockey then I don’t know what is. I bet he had to wash people’s blood off his mustache. That’s so metal.

 

Larry Bird:

larry-bird-mustache1

Thin, wispy and blonde. This is part creepy uncle and part teenage boy. What an awesome mashup. Bird didn’t always rock the lip hair but I will always remember him with it.

 

Joe Greene:

Maybe the nickname “Mean” came from how fierce his grooming was. Razor sharp style paired with that afro makes for a legendary look we are all in awe of.

 

Kirk Gibson:

The vintage porno mustache. Every young man tries to make this work at least once in their life. Gibson makes it look effortless. Plus those throwback Tigers unis are dope.

 

Great Goatees

The subtle stubble is all the rage for movie stars but a really solid goatee makes a bold statement. Baseball has really kept this movement alive. And for that, I’m grateful. The goatee is not for everyone but these fellas totally pull it off.

 

Mark McGwire:

I can’t even imagine his face without that goatee. He’d just be some round-cheeked goon. With the goatee, he is a home-run-hitting god.

 

Dr. J:

DrJ goatee

The doctor is in. Look at this silky smooth prince. The facial hair complements his head hair and ties it all together. Man, I wish I could grow a fro.

 

Jeff Bagwell:

Jeff Bagwell #5

Is that the guitar player from Pantera? Nope, but that dangler says “I like to party” and crush the baseballs. Just stare at it. It’s like two stalactites hanging from his chin. Wicked.

 

Barry Melrose:

Melrose

The Canadian wizard of hockey. Nice suit, very Don Cherry inspired. I always prefer Barry with something on his face to backup that epic mullet. One of the goatee G.O.A.T.

 

Beasts of the Beard

I love how hockey players grow out their beards for the playoffs. It’s one of my favorite traditions because it guarantees that the Stanley Cup Finals will be two squads full of fuzz and fur. It’s a super look and fits hockey like a glove.

 

DeAndre Levy:

Levy Beard

Almost full ZZ Top status. Levy is just as wild as his whiskers. On and off the field. Only makes sense that he sports the full “Sea Captain.” Ahoy!

 

James Harden:

james-harden beard

B-ball’s best beard. The NBA isn’t exactly known for its facial follicles but James uses his like a mohawk. A visual statement of rebellion. An easy choice for this list but totally deserving.

 

Brett Keisel:

Pittsburgh Steelers defensive end Brett Keisel (99) on the sideline during  an NFL football game against the New York Jets in Pittsburgh, Sunday, Sept. 16, 2012. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

Does he even have a mouth? I don’t know a comb on earth that can navigate that forest. Kind of reminds me of the¬†Game of Thrones¬†character, Tormund Giantsbane. P.S. That’s a compliment.

 

Joe Thornton:

Joe Thornton

The crazy old man beard. Complete with the two-tone highlight. Bravo. This growth just screams “get off my lawn.” No joke, he wears it well, even if he does play for the Sharks.

 

Mike Napoli:

mike napoli

The kooky prospector look. “There’s gold in these mountains!” Very nice. Napoli switched teams and shaved. All of which seems like a bad move. I assume losing your beard causes organ failure. #growitback

 

 

Well that’s the short and curly of it. Hope this hairy experience encourages some of you to grow your own show-stopper. And as always, it’s not just about the size of the facial hair but the style and vibe. Be bold, do mutton chops or a civil war joint. But always be you.

 

Five o’clock shadow.

 

 


Which Athletes Would Make the Best Thanksgiving Dinner

Written by :
Published on : November 26, 2015

 

Today is Thanksgiving, which means 3 things; football, food and finding a way to avoid getting stuck hearing your crazy Aunt Beatrice talk about her cats. Just kidding Aunt B, I love hearing about Mr Fluffles, and yes I would love to see more pictures of him. Anyways, I thought that before I fall into a turkey-induced coma, that it might be fun to talk about which athletes, past and present, would comprise the best Thanksgiving dinner.

 

Turkey – Larry Bird

He may be the turkey on our plate but he was no turkey on the court.

 

This seems like a no-brainer. He is one of the greatest basketball players in the history of the game and his name is Bird for Christ’s sake. As one of the best shooters, defenders and fiercest competitors to play the game, you can’t go wrong with making him the centerpiece of your Turkey Day feast.

 

Mashed Potatoes – Jamal Mashburn

Get some of this Mash.

 

A prolific scorer whose 12 year career was sadly marred by chronic knee problems, Jamal Mashburn averaged 19.1 ppg while playing for the Mavericks, Heat and Hornets. He could drain the rock and I can’t figure out if his name has something to do with potatoes or some sort of by-product from a backwoods whiskey still. Either way, he’s our mashed potatoes.

 

Stuffing – “Mean” Joe Greene

You do not want to mess with this man.

 

Joe Greene was a beast in the middle of the defense for those legendary Steelers teams of the 70’s. Sure his name doesn’t sound like food, but he gets to be the stuffing on our plate this year because his work on the inside made sure that opposing running games were stuffed more often than not.

 

Cranberry – Eric Berry

Mr. Berry himself.

 

This dude is one of the best stories in the entire NFL. He had his 2014 season cut short after being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and it looked as though his career might be over. Apparently someone forgot to tell him that because he completed his treatment in remarkably fast time in order to be ready for the start of the 2015 season. He has played in every single game this year and is beginning to shine as the season progresses. His courage and dedications earn him a place on the plate as our cranBerry.

 

Gravy – Gary Payton

“I’m the gravy!”

 

Gary Payton is one of the best defenders at the point guard position of all time. He was nicknamed ‘the Glove’ for his ability to lock down the opposition. The Glove covers everything, just like the gravy on my Thanksgiving plate.

 

Dinner Rolls – Antrel Rolle

“I’m trying to make it to dinner!”

 

Every dinner needs some bread in there. He is our dinner Rolle. A Super Bowl Champion and three-time Pro Bowler at the safety position, he has 26 interceptions and 5 defensive touchdowns in his career.

 

 

So there you have it, the ultimate Thanksgiving dinner as represented by some of the best athletes ever. Now, I’m more of a go back for seconds and thirds, and skip dessert kind of guy, but if I have to pick something I’m going to finish my meal off with a little Walter “Sweetness” Payton with some Paul Coffey on the side. If you’ll excuse me there’s a turkey in dire need of some basting.

 

 

 

 


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