Boxing great, Evander Holyfield is slated to box a Nigerian politician. I know it sounds like one of those spam emails you get that claims you can make tons of cash if you just help this foreign guy bring his wealth into our country. But no, this is real and it’s happening on May 25th. They are calling it the “Rumble in Lagos.”
Holyfield will face off against Bola Ahmed Tinubu. The former Lagos governor. Lagos being a state in Nigeria. The country has 36 states and Lagos is the smallest but it also has the largest city, of the same name. Learn something new everyday. The event is for charity and plans to generate over $2 million that will go to medical supplies for area. That sounds well and good but I have a few questions about the actual fight. First off, Holyfield is 54-years-old. What kind of shape is he in? Can he still put on a show?
After doing some more digging about the matchup, I was shocked to learn that Tinubu is 65-years-old! How are you going to be 11 years older than a pro boxer and challenge him to fight? Tinubu has no documented athletic career. Or none that could be found after 2 minutes on google. More digging and then suddenly it all made sense. The guest referee for the fight is Wole Soyinka. A Nigerian playwright and poet who is famous for winning the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1986. Tinubu got his boy to be ref, this is straight WWE tactics.
Even with referee help, this retired politician has no chance. Maybe if Evander had his feet tied together and only used one arm then maybe it would be a fair fight. This is all for charity but what kind of match will it even be? One half-strength punch from Holyfield and this guy will be in trouble. Then he’s going to need $2 million in medical supplies and we are right back to where we started.
Following Alex’s lead on celeb matchups, here are some politicians I’d like to see get in the ring. Former Detroit mayor and all-around tough guy, Kwame Kilpatrick. Dude always had the nicest suits, giant diamond earrings all wrapped around a frame that looks like he could rip men apart with his hands. Think the Marvel character, the King Pin. But don’t fret, he can’t bother you now. He’s in jail, for all that stuff he did.
Another solid choice is former Toronto mayor, Rob Ford. Now, he may not have the physique of some of these other guys but he has an advantage all his own. He smokes crack and that can be like a super boost. Then I looked up Ford’s height and weight to list them like you would a pro fighter and I read that he passed in March 2016 from cancer related issues. I did not know that until now. Other writers would delete this section and think of another person. Call me lazy or stubborn but that isn’t me. Moving on.
Steve Bannon. Now, this guy would be great to watch getting hit. I’d give my next three paychecks to see Evander Holyfield box Steve Bannon for any reason. Steve is both alive and not in jail. He also stands 5’10” and weighs in at a cool 263 lbs. Don’t quote me on those facts, they may be fake news. Hard to tell these days in you know who’s america. The only problem here is that Steve won’t do the fight once he finds out it helps poor people.
Which elected official would you like see get into the ring with Evander Holyfield? Or any other boxer? Leave your dream matchup in the comments and maybe we can generate enough hype that it will happen. You never know, no one thought Mayweather vs. McGregor would happen either.
Throw in the towel.