SBS Guide to: Camping

Written by :
Published on : July 30, 2016

 

 

 

Recently, we published a checklist of fun summer activities and on that list was camping. This really got me thinking about how much I love getting out of town and spending a night under the stars. Michigan was great for outdoor adventures and I spent many days as kid just Huck Fin-ing it up in the woods. Every person deserves the chance to enjoy that. So I present to you, the noble reader, the SBS guide to camping.

 

Before you hit the dusty trail you need to make sure you have everything so you don’t get stuck up shit’s creek without a cell signal. These are the basics.

 

Gear

Husqvarna-Hatchet

 

You don’t need much but there are some critical pieces not to leave out. A sleeping bag, knife, flashlight/headlamp, medkit, rope, duct tape, axe/hatchet, fire-starter, something to cook in/on, appropriate clothes and shoes/boots, plus a bag to carry it all in. Here are few helpful questions to ask yourself:

 

– Where are you sleeping?

– What’s the weather/climate of where you are staying?

– How are you starting your fires/cooking your food?

– Where are you going to the bathroom?

– How many bears will you have to fight?

– How long is your trip?

– What’s the distance from your ride to your campsite?

 

If your tent is a stones throw from your car or truck then you can bring all sorts of crazy things. Leave the popcorn machine at home. Instead, bring your pop-up canopy with heavy duty stakes to anchor it. It will suck if your shade blows away. Camp chairs rock or you can always sit on the cooler or a tree stump. I suggest, if the weather and bugs allow, sleep outdoors. It’s awesome. Grass will get dewy so a tarp is a smart thing to pack and can be used in tons of ways.

 

Food

campfirecook

 

Whatever fresh items you bring need to be in a cooler with ice. You can never have too much ice. If you are cooking over a fire, then you need a frying pan or maybe even a grill grate (take it from your charcoal grill) to place over the campfire. Stick to the classics. Hotdogs/brats, s’mores, bacon and eggs. Maybe make some dope chili and reheat it. Bring tons of snacks, water, and booze. I like canned american beer, high-end boxed wine and whiskey. Oh and don’t forget coffee. Pre-grind some quality beans and bring your french press. Also consider a couple trash bags, a roll of paper towels and some dish soap to wash your food surfaces. You want to clean that mess up quick as to not attract unwanted critters, monsters or newly escaped criminals.

 

Camping Life Hacks

Freeze a gallon of water and put it in your cooler, it will keep food cold and you can drink it when it melts. Secure a leather belt around a tree and then use that as an anchor point to hang things without harming the trunk. Bring protection if you want to have sex with someone and not get an STD. Put a head lamp on a gallon of water to create a make-shift lantern. Pre crack your eggs into an empty water bottle, now you don’t have to worry about packing such a fragile item. Doritos or hand sanitizer can work as fire kindling. Deodorant can double as a topical itch relief from bug bites. Oh, and never keep any food in your tent. Ever. Unless you want to wake up next to something furry and hungry that made it’s way into your bed.

 

My biggest takeaway is that camping should be fun and simple. It’s a way to connect/reconnect to nature. Experts at fancy outdoor supply stores will recommend all manner of expensive gadgets but that completely misses the point. Camping is a chance for us to get offline and be present in the moment. Swim naked in the river, stare up at the night’s sky, enjoy the silence. Just be. Now, get packing and get out of town.

 

Rough it.

 

 


Atlanta Falcons slash concession prices

Written by :
Published on : May 21, 2016

 

 

We all know that a trip to the ball parks costs more than just peanuts and cracker jacks. Tickets, parking, souvenirs, and concessions can add up quick. It’s getting harder and harder to fill up these new mega arenas as the price of everything keeps trending upward. In strong markets it doesn’t seem to matter how expensive things are because there are enough people willing to fork over the loot. But what about franchises that are more or less on the bubble? Do you want to drop $200 watching your team get beat? On a weekday? I don’t think so. Something has got to give. And it did.

 

In an unprecedented move, Falcons owner and professional Walt Disney impersonator, Arthur Blank, has slashed prices drastically on all concession items at their new home, Mercedes-Benz Stadium. I had to go and fact check this ten times. I couldn’t believe it. How insanely un-capitalist of them. Blank is like an appliance store owner, starring in his own commercial, talking about how crazy he is for having such low prices. I love it. It also makes sense. The team has trouble filling their current venue, the Georgia Dome and many of the lower income seats remain empty. They hope this change in menu draws them in.

 

falcons menu 2

 

Blank and the management went back to basics of the fan experience. They recognized that yes we want choices and fancier options but that we still want value and convenience. All food and drink items are purposely rounded to the dollar (tax included) to eliminate those extra steps from the transaction. It makes the process as fast and simple as possible.

 

All sodas will come with free refills and there will be self-serve soda fountains outside the concession areas so fans can top off their own drinks without having to get in another line. Gourmet snacks will be available and their prices will coincide with this general “real world pricing” idea. The language out of the Falcons camp is that they don’t want their items to feel aggressively marked up. You buy a ticket to see a game not just to have the chance to be gouged at the concession stand.

 

falcons menu 3

 

These new, lower prices are sure to entice the locals of Atlanta. They will have their swanky new field and their cheap food. All they need now is a defense and maybe they can get back to the playoffs. Football aside, it was a good move. Democratic, even if the end goal is purely about money. It makes the Falcons organization look like they care, while giving their stadium economy a much needed spark. My hope is that this program is wildly successful and gets replicated around pro sports. Because I can just imagine how high the concession prices will be at the new Los Angeles Rams Stadium once it is completed. Can anyone say $18 beers?

 

Pass the mustard.

 

 


The Best Foods To Eat While Watching Sports (and how to make them even better)

Written by :
Published on : October 12, 2015

 

 

Have you been to a stadium lately? They’ve really stepped their game up… foodwise. Not only with the quality of the food, but variety. You can get Shake Shack at Mets games! But you’re not watching most games at the arena (unless you have season tickets, you prick). Suppose you’re like me and can’t find a balance of finding a business establishment combining optimal viewing situations with audio AND above average food. I have this problem where the places I like to eat while I watch games has a bad TV setup or they play bad music over the games or there’s uncomfortable seating. The alternative is going to a shit sports bar where fans are too unruly or the food sucks or both. My situation is this: don’t want to sacrifice quality of traditional “Game Day Cuisine” while sitting comfortably as I use a powerful wifi connection to check stats & be able to use a clean bathroom. I doubt I’m alone. Therefore, here’s my vision for best possible foods to eat while enjoying sports.

 

1. Hot dogs

Footlong

 

Fuck peanuts & cracker jacks. Don’t literally have sex with peanuts & cracker jacks, they can even be mildly enjoyable in the right context, but this isn’t the 1950s. You go to a ballgame, chances are that you’ll eat a hot dog. Hot dogs at ballparks are usually dirty water dogs. Since hot dogs come already cooked, they just need to be heated so at ballparks the cheapest/fastest way to do that is to have the hot dogs hang out in a hot tub until you order them, then they are tonged out of the tub juice. Fucking. Gross. Frankly, you’d have to be some kind of monster to prefer this over a grilled, crunchy charred outside/juicy hot inside frank. So many garnishments & condiments to add like carmelized onions, sauerkraut, potato chips, sriracha, srirancha (sriracha & ranch dressing) or just get your self a nice mustard & artisan buns (eat hot dog with pinky flailing). Extra points for fancy sauces with even fancier sausages; be the best for eating the würst.

 

2. Nachos

Cheesy

 

Nachos are great already, depending on who’s making them & how they’re made. I’m not including those corn chips with plastic yellow sauce you’d get at a stadium. I’m talking about melted cheese shreds, sliced jalapeños, salsa, guacamole (that doesn’t cost extra to add), sour cream & some (hopefully slow cooked) meat. The problem with this orgy of the hot models equivalent of foods is it makes the chips soggy (much like an actual orgy…). Also, not everyone loves heartburn.

Solution: cast a wide oven pan or cookie sheet, layering chips with cheese. Add vegetables toward end of melting cheese. Sauces/dips on the side.

Alternative: American Nachos aka Machos.
Ingredients:
Potato chips (ruffles for texture. Kettle chips for good measure)
Ground beef or pulled pork
Bacon bits (homemade, if you’re not lazy)
Velveeta AND shredded cheddar
Chopped onions
Chopped dill pickles
Chopped tomatoes
Ketchup
Mustard
Ranch or Srirancha

 

Just imagine if nachos got your favorite cheeseburger & fries pregnant. This is the baby it’d have, baby! Take nachos back for America!

 

Honorable mention: Poutine

 

3. Wings

Wing or go home

 

If you don’t love wings, move to fucking Antarctica. Wings are great, but you have to eat so many to be satisfied, not to mention makes Tinder a lot messier than it is already.

Alternative: Buffalo/BBQ Turkey Legs.
Turkey legs are delicious, longer lasting & the food version of Beast Mode. Which ever presidential candidate jumps on board with replacing chicken wings with Turkey legs will have my vote. Toss those legs in any sauce and it’s like your chicken wings took HGH without all the side effects.

 

4. Pizza

Always good

 

This one maybe can’t be improved upon, but much like any sports team, pizza is all about the quality ingredients that go into it. Innovation and creativity definitely play an important role. Chicken wings have been fused with pizza in different incarnations & it’s the Stockton and Malone of foods.

That being said, as enjoyable as they were to watch, they don’t have rings. (Mmmmmmm, pizza with onion rings on it….) Just like pizza, maybe the Stockton/Malone tandem could’ve used a little more help around them. For example, maybe if those Jazz teams had flavored crust, fresh burrata, heirloom tomato sauce or a melty real cheese or yogurt based dipping sauce they could’ve beaten Jordan? Jordan was the pizza you get at a fancy Italian restaurant with all those high end ingredients. Lebron is Detroit square deep dish from Buddy’s. Shaq’s that decadent Chicago deep dish. Mailman was delivery. JR Smith is DiGiorno.

 

What foods we don’t need to see near our sporting events

-Fruit bowls: come on, we are watching sports, not training to play. Take your mandolin & cut that shit out. You want grapes, drink wine from a box like the poor man that you are!

-Anything using chopsticks
Unless you’re watching sumo wrestling in Japan, this is unacceptable. It should be a rule of thumb that no food is allowed to be eaten during sport events that require any utensil that could be used as a weapon.

-Salad: See above. This includes anything chopped up & mixed with mayonnaise or leafy greens.

 

The goal should be to eat food with your hands that make your fingers too filthy, too slimy, too sticky to refresh your fantasy app every 30 seconds & enjoy the game the way the cavemen did.

 

 


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