Battle of the Network Stars

Written by :
Published on : July 2, 2017

 

Welcome to the new Battle of the Network Stars. For those who don’t know, this is a revival of the vintage series from ABC Sports dating back 1976. The show ran until 1988 and normally had two episodes a year. It was hosted by the great Howard Cosell and featured a three way battle from the stars of ABC, NBC and CBS. This was the original Dancing with the Stars.

 

And because TV won’t let anything die, this sports reality vehicle is back! This time with special guest coach and NFL great, DeMarcus Ware. Plus former UFC champ, Ronda Rousey. With Mike Green and Joe Tessitore doing the commentary. This version of the show has dropped the network teams and instead grouped the contestants by the types of roles they have played. Crews like: TV cops, TV lawyers, TV politicians, TV doctors, primetime soap stars, TV mom and dads, TV kids, and etc. Each airing of the 10 episode run will pit two crews against each other in a gauntlet of events. There are even some folks who are returning for their second round of Battle of the Network Stars. Talk about a throwback.

 

AJ MICHALKA, TRACEY GOLD, DAVE COULIER, BRONSON PINCHOT, DEMARCUS WARE, TOM ARNOLD
                                                                               Team TV Sitcoms

 

The events are just like back in the day. We still get to enjoy track, swimming, kayaking, basketball, soccer, tennis, the famous dunk tank, archery, golf, obstacle course and the the tug of war. It’s like some crazy decathlon for non-athletes. Half the fun is seeing who fails what. But then an endearing thing happens, you see one of the stars overcome in a situation you thought they had no chance in. It’s totally uplifting. And it gives you a little hope that maybe, just maybe, we can all find some inner strength someday.

 

I’m most looking forward to seeing team sci-fi which is Lou Ferrigno, Vinnie Jones, Charisma Carpenter, Kevin Sorbo and Jill Wagner. Team TV lifeguards also looks intriguing. The roster includes David Chokachi, Brande Roderick, Parker Stevenson, Nicole Eggert and Gena Lee Nolin. Rescue me. ABC is all in on this the retro game show thing. Beyond Battle, they also brought back The Gong Show while still enjoying Family FeudJeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. That’s a lot of old shit for one network. I’ve got a new idea for you ABC, how about show where celebs do my laundry. It could be called White Wash.

 

CORBIN BLEU, JOEY LAWRENCE, NOLAN GOULD, LISA WHELCHEL, KIM FIELDS, RONDA ROUSEY

 

Let’s all just be happy that there are finally some sports to watch. The dark days are over. Battle of the Network Stars is on Thursdays this summer on ABC.

 

TV time.

 

 


I think I like Golf

Written by :
Published on : June 26, 2016

 

Growing up I was never much of a fan of golf. There wasn’t anything about it that appealed to me. The game, to me, seemed like a mildly athletic, elitist sort of recreation for people with more money and mistresses than I would ever have. I wanted something a little more hard nosed and athletic. Before Tiger Woods became a household name, I couldn’t tell one pair of funny pants from another. I really like the movie Happy Gilmore but that’s more because Happy was a semi-psychotic hockey goon turned pro-golfer. He was the antithesis of everything I associated with the “sport” of golf. I didn’t consider it a sport.

 

But all of that may have changed. I recently went golfing with my stepdad over Father’s Day weekend, and I have to say that I actually enjoyed it.

 

Golf Pants

 

I used to associate golf with uptight, old, white dudes in funny looking clothes, and I still do to a point, but there’s a chance that it might have grown on me a bit. Maybe it was just that I enjoy driving around in golf carts while drinking cold beer on a hot day, but then again maybe it was the game itself that got me. It’s kind of hard to tell at this point. On one hand the opportunity to drink and drive without the chance to hurt anyone or go to jail appeals to me, but on the other hand I almost hit a hole in one!

 

Sure, I didn’t actually get it, but when that ball was headed towards the hole on that first drive, there was some real excitement. An excitement that I had never experienced on my other golf outings. This was my first time on the links in about 12 years, if my estimations are correct. That’s a long time without swinging a golf club, but much to my surprise, I got a hang of the whole thing quickly.

 

My stepdad is no pro, and hasn’t been out in more than a year, but after the front 9 I was only losing by 3 strokes. Not bad. Neither of us were very good but we were out there having fun in the sun, all while being mildly athletic and competitive. Our respective strengths kept the match close throughout. He was better on the driving the long ball, while I excelled once putting came into play. I was able to keep it close as he struggled to navigate the green.

 

rec-golf-1680x768

 

There was even one hole that I managed to par, a feat that only I accomplished on the day. By the time we were getting near the end of the back 9, I had started to hit a groove. I had really cleaned my game up and was feeling comfortable out there. All the other times I had gone golfing I remember getting incredibly frustrated. I now realize that it isn’t about hitting the ball as hard as you can, but about hitting it cleanly. This realization helped my game more than I can express.

 

When all was said and done I beat my stepdad by 5 strokes. It may have been Father’s Day but that doesn’t mean I was about to lose out there. I’m just too much of a competitor. Aside from winning, which I’m a big fan of, I had a lot of fun just playing the game. I’ll have to try it a few more times before I know if it’s really going to stick, but I might just have found my new hobby. But there’s no way I’m wearing those ugly ass pants. Ever.

 

Fore!

 

 

 


Golf or Putt Putt: which is the better game?

Written by :
Published on : March 24, 2016

 

 

Since the dawn of khakis, an epic debate has raged in the heavens: which version of golf reigns supreme? Well, ScoreBoredSports and I are here to finally set the record straight. Grab your clubs, your funny shoes and let’s tee up some hardcore golf jokes. Four!

 

It’s all about the courses. This is each game’s bread and butter. The fact that golf courses change from place to place rules. I mean Peddle Beach, Augusta, Pirate’s Cove. These are the most beautiful greens on the planet. The uniqueness of each location adds true replay value. But who has it best? Let’s break it down, science style.

 

Arguments for golf:

pebble beach

 

– Giant rollings hills with some of the most pristine grass anywhere. 18 hole courses can cover acres of land and are very private. It must be magical to be able to walk those grounds.

– You get a golf cart. This is huge and not to be discounted.

– You can get beers and other drinks/snacks while you play. This is a game-changer. I bet Sandy Danto agrees.

– Golf is a classic gentlemen’s game going back to Ireland, no Scotland. Somewhere with bagpipes.

– A great way to network with other fat-cats.

 

Arguments against golf:

 

– Golf courses/country clubs are exclusionary institutions that cost tons of money.

– The huge lawns waste tons of water.

– It’s boring.

– Pro golf only uses white golf balls. Racists! Cough, cough.

– You will probably run into your dentist, who will remind you to floss.

 

Arguments for putt putt:

golf balls rainbow

 

– Fake grass needs no water.

– Anyone can play as long as you have $4.

– Super fun themes to the courses. I’ve personally played ones with dinosaurs, space ships, miniature homes, pirate crap (obvs), and the films of Tom Hanks.

– Sink a hole-in-one on 18 and you get a free game! Normally a windmill or a clown is involved.

– You can pick any color ball the rainbow can imagine. Now that’s democracy.

 

Arguments against putt putt:

 

– Lines. It gets busy and some terrible family may not let you play-through.

– No booze allowed. You can always sneak your own but that’s true of anywhere. I guess.

– You never get to hit the ball really hard. Like you totally can but you will super lose it.

– No golf carts. They wouldn’t even be necessary but it still sucks you don’t get one. Golf carts are not to be discounted.

– There is no pro league. You’ll never get Tiger Woods money for bouncing the ball off a metal gorilla and into the cup. So maybe stop practicing.

 

 

And the Winner is…

 

 

 

Putt Putt!

Pirates Cove

 

Or mini golf, as his friends call him. This shouldn’t be much of a surprise. I mean what did you think I was going to choose? The rich, exclusive game or something for the people? Putt putt has it all: the fun of real golf but without all the ridiculous elements. Like the clothes, cost and availability. Plus, putt putt has pirates, martians or dinosaurs! How is boring-pants golf going to compete with that? Really all you need is mini golf and a decent driving range and you can forget about the rest. That may ruffle the pocket squares of some big wig golf fans and to them I say: where are your pirates?

 

Check mate (See what I did there? Pirate pun). Or something more golf like, Birdie. No Eagle. That’s even better.

 

Eagle.

 

 


Diamonds in the Rough: 2016 Breakout Stars of Golf

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Published on : January 22, 2016

 

 

It’s late January in Detroit, Michigan and all I can think about is…golf? January in Detroit is usually reserved for concept cars, the Red Wings, Pistons and subzero temperatures. If you have any interest at all in cars, trucks or anything that moves, please do yourself a favor and go check out Autorama. I promise you won’t regret it. So I’m a diehard Lions fan, which usually means the only thing I’m doing this time of year is looking forward to the draft. I’m also not the biggest fan of cold weather and while I’ve always rooted for my beloved Red Wings, hockey was never my game. For me, winter meant hours putting on the living room carpet trying to figure out how I could become the next Tiger Woods. Fist pumping and wearing red shirts, I emulated every move. Let’s just say that didn’t pan out the way I had hoped.

 

But that makes me think of a good question. Who can be the next Tiger? While there may never be another Tiger Woods, trust me, professional golf is deeper than ever. And if he truly is done, the game is in good hands. By now everyone knows about Jordan Spieth and Rory Mcilroy, as they should. Most people know that Dustin Johnson hits it farther than Happy Gilmore and that Ricky Fowler dons bright orange from head to toe. But who’s next? Who’s year is it in 2016? Who will show us they are ready to win a major championship? Two guys I have a good feeling about this year are Jason Day and Brooks Koepka. Jason Day has big game but you might remember him as the guy with vertigo. Brooks who? Koepka, yea you might not know who he is now but by the end of the year I’m betting you will.

 

 

Jason Day is one of the guys I really like to contend in every major. The 28-year-old Australian professional already has a major championship under his belt. He also had a brief stint at number 1 in the world golf rankings. Wait a minute, how can a former number 1 and major winner be poised for a breakout 2016? Let’s just say Day has been working to get here for a long time now. He first broke onto the major scene in 2011, finishing tied for 2nd in his first ever Masters. His 12 under par set the Masters record for lowest score by a first time participant. He also finished 2nd at the U.S. Open that same season and for the third time at the 2013 U.S. Open at Merion Golf Club.

 

Day has the game to play anywhere and in any condition. His all-around game is what makes him so dangerous. By the time fall of 2015 hit, Day ranked in the top 10 in nearly every major statistical category. His 313.7-yard driving average was good enough for third overall. Not to mention 1st in birdie average at 4.71 per 18 holes and 6th in strokes gained putting. What does all that mean? It means he can hit it farther than Tiger Woods and putt better than Phil Mickelson, that’s what. He used all that to win the final major of 2015 and his first at the PGA championship at Whistling Straights. Jason also set a record that day becoming the first person to finish 20 under par in a major. The top of the game is strong with Spieth and Mcilroy seeming nearly invincible at times, but trust me, Day has the ability to compete with them and win any given tournament.

 

 Brooks Koepka

 

Who the heck is Brooks Koepka? Meet one of the new faces of Nike Golf for 2016. The 25-year-old Florida State product has been playing full time on the PGA tour since 2014. Coming off of a great sophomore season in 2015, Brooks notched his first win at the Waste Management Phoenix Open. And yet he switched equipment without hesitation. “You never end the year with the same clubs you started with. When people make a big deal about the switch, you switch all year even if you’re with the same company” he said. And if you haven’t seen his new golf shoes please do me a favor and check them out. The Nike Flyknit Chukka Golf Shoe. They’re $230 and I’m already saving for them.

 

Brooks put his new equipment into play for the first time last week at the Hyundai Tournament of Champions. He picked up right where he left off, finishing 21 under par and tied for 3rd place. He also shot a 63 on Saturday which is only one stroke off the course record, held by K.J. Choi, who shot a 62 in 2003. Brooks hits the ball a mile, his 308.2-yard driving average is 8th on tour. And he’s consistent, very consistent. He played 23 events in 2015 and made the cut in 20. Including 14 top 25 finishes, and 8 inside the top 10. There is a saying in golf, “you can’t win if you don’t play the weekend.” Koepka plays the weekend, a lot. At the U.S. Open in 2014 he finished 4th, which earned him his PGA Tour card for the 2014-15 season and his first Masters invitation. It was his first major championship. In 2015 he finished tied for 10th at the Open Championship at St. Andrews, and tied 5th at the PGA Championship at Whistling Straights. With three top 10 finishes in his first four majors I like his chances to compete for a few in 2016.

 

It’s cold in Detroit this time of year. Really cold. And while I have dreams of sunny days, ice cold beers and freshly mowed fairways. I must wait. Seemingly forever. In the meantime, I’ll be in my living room wearing my Flyknits and living vicariously through the pros. But remember the names Jason Day and Brooks Koepka, I don’t want to have to say I told you so.

 

 


Playing sports after 30

Written by :
Published on : November 23, 2015

 

 

If you are like me, then you are old now. I love sports but I can’t play them like I could when I was 18. So now I have to pick my battles. Here is a little advice on how to keep rocking in the free world AKA playing sports after 30.

 

1. Stay away from traps

If you can’t ball then don’t go down to the court. Don’t put shorts on and drive all the way down there to pretend like you can keep up. I’m not saying you can never hoop again, I’m just saying not with these people. Maybe pop-shot basketball at the fair or arcade is more your speed. Or balled pieces of paper and your office trash can. Whatever, just don’t set yourself up for failure. If your friend plays racquetball and asks you to come play racquetball, you say no. You suck at racquetball. And your friend is good at racquetball. Fuck that.

 

Gotta love a sport with goggles

 

2. Find your groove

Pick a low impact game where they serve drinks: darts, pool, golden tee, real golf, bowling. Something that you can age into. You don’t need to be too mobile to play any of these and it still makes you look like an athlete (kinda).  Also, you can always leverage your skill in these games into gambling good times. “If I pick up this spare you buy the next round” sounds like it’s paying off already.

If for some weird reason you are not bad at everything then please stop reading. I don’t think that’s fair to anyone. I mean you already have everything. You need my jokes too?

Okay, I think they are gone. Anyway. You don’t need to be good at everything anymore. Just pick one thing. That’s your thing now. No one expects you to be good at more than one. And if you are good at more than one then I think I already told you to leave.

Find the activity you really dig and get into it. But please stop pretending that you rock climb or want to play adult dodge ball. You like cycling or whatever. Just admit it.

 

3. Stretch

Do it. It will help. I get that it is maybe embarrassing to do in public. Hide, get it done. This should be a no-brainer.

 

Reach!

 

4. Shut up about it

No one cares. Shut up. If you find someone who exactly likes your same shit, then perfect. But assume everyone hates it. Don’t be ashamed just shut up about it. If it comes up, try and play it cool, for once. You’re 30 or older. Everyone makes fun of crossfit believers because they are constantly talking about how awesome it is. Like some kind of fitness cult. That’s what you sound like with whatever yoga or surfing garbage you love.

Another reason to play it cool is because if your hidden batting cage prowess is revealed naturally then you will be a legend in that moment. But not if everyone knows you hit the cages three times a week. So shut up about it. Rule of thumb: never say anything until someone good looking brings it up first.

 

 

So that’s it. Remember to stay active and I don’t mean the gym. Toss the football around, hallway hockey, something with a kayak. Have fun. Be safe. And don’t take too many pictures.

 

 


Sporting Lessons from James Bond

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Published on : October 30, 2015

 

James Bond is my role model. I know that he’s a juvenile male fantasy, but so what?  Don’t give yourself a boring role model like some high school teacher or your Dad. I say keep your dreams big and live everyday like 007. (Except the “licensed to kill” part. This I cannot endorse for legal reasons.) Here’s what my hero has taught me about living the sporting life.

 

Always Be a Gentleman

In Goldfinger, 007 plays a round of golf against his nemesis, Auric Goldfinger. (See what they did there?) Despite having clashed before, Bond conducts himself like a true sportsman — competitive but respectful. When he discovers that his opponent is cheating, he doesn’t call them out; that would be impolite. Instead, he cheats the cheaters at their own game then rubs their faces in it after the match. It’s the only gentlemanly thing to do!

 

Don’t be Emotional

james-bond-ski

 

James Bond’s parents died in a mountain climbing accident when he was 11 years old. But that didn’t stop him from becoming a master of the slopes: he’s an expert on skis, a snowboard and even a bobsled. Don’t be like that other guy with dead parents (cough- Batman -cough) and let your past fuck with your future. Mountain cabins are fun, cozy and usually have hot tubs. Never turn down the opportunity to get away.

 

Stay Active

Running is a big part of being a secret agent, but don’t forget about jumping, ducking, grappling, punching, kicking, choking, swimming and even clowning (Octopussy. Don’t ask.). If you don’t want to die out there, you’d better stay active and healthy. And parkour. You never know when you might need to parkour after somebody. Think you’re going to do that with a weak core?

 

Losing is Part of the Game

james-bond-cards

 

007 knows a thing or two about gambling. He’s bet lots of taxpayer’s money on card games over the years, sometimes even raising the stakes with his own life. Mostly successful, there have been a few notable times where things didn’t quite work out. (Writer shifts uncomfortably thinking about testicle-torture scene from Casino Royale.) But no matter how bad the loss, James Bond never backs down from the next hand. As long as you’re still playing, you can still win.

 

Fucking is a sport

The way he does it, it is.

 

 

His new film, Spectre, pops on November 6th in the states. Go see it. Unless you’re going to talk or check your phone during the movie, then stay the fuck home.

 

 


Champ and Chump: Week 2

Written by :
Published on : September 26, 2015

 

 

 

I’m a little late with my winners and losers of the champ and chump awards from this past weekend. But better late than never I suppose, and I used the extra time to nominate someone for an achievement from Tuesday even though it came after the weekend.  It’s my own article after all, so if you take issue with that then I’ll see you in the comments section! Without further adieu, here are my picks for champ and chump from this past weekend.

 

Champ: Jason Day

Won the BMW Championship on Sunday, becoming the #1 ranked player in the world.

Jason Day has been killing it recently.

 

About a month ago, I wrote a piece about how golf was in great hands with a young star like Jordan Spieth. In the article, I gave just a small nod to Jason Day as well by saying he also appeared to be ready for stardom, but apparently that compliment didn’t do him justice because since then, Day has been the one to take over the PGA Tour. By winning this past weekend’s event, Day has now won 4 out of his last 6 tournaments and is within striking distance this weekend to take home another prize. The winner of the Tour Championship this weekend ultimately could also decide the PGA Player of the Year award, an award that is likely up for grabs between Spieth and Day.

 

Honorable Mention:

Chicago Cub Starter Jake Arrieta- First pitcher in MLB to reach 20 wins this season. 2015 stats- 20-6, 1.88 ERA, 0.90 WHIP

LSU Running Back Leonard Fournette- Heisman hopeful ran for 228 yards and 3 touchdowns in a 45-21 thumping of Auburn.

Our very own Treasure Gutierrez- Perhaps less knowledgable than some of us here at ScoreBoredSports when it comes to football, but comes out and wins the week in NFL Staff Picks, going 9-7 here at the site, making the rest of us look like the Chumps.

 

 

Chump: DeMarco Murray

By far the coolest thing DeMarco has done this season.

 

DeMarco Murray was the catalyst behind the Cowboy’s season last year, rushing for over 1,800 yards. As he went, so did the rest of the offense. This past off-season, Murray decided to sign with the division rival Philadelphia Eagles and was expected to put up similar numbers in Chip Kelly’s high-powered offense. Through two games however, that has not been the case at all, as Murray was completely shut down against his former team. Murray finished with 2 just yards rushing and has just 11 yards for the season on 21 carries. How bad is his start to the 2015 season? Well, consider this, while it’s only been a couple games, last year Murray rushed for almost 2,000 yards, at this rate this season, he is projected to finish with just 88 yards.  Philadelphia is off to an 0-2 start and while Murray isn’t their only problem, averaging 0.5 yards per carry is definitely isn’t helping.

 

Dishonorable Mention:

NFL Survivor Pools- For thousands of leagues, (mine included) week 2 busted many survivor pools this past week. Upsets like Tampa over New Orleans, Oakland beating Baltimore and Jacksonville shocking Miami eliminated a lot of us before we even saw it coming. Damn you Drew Brees!

Ndamukong Suh- This is perhaps unfair because it’s somewhat speculation, but the guy makes the headlines for the wrong reasons seemingly every week. The latest being some reports that Suh “freelances” plays on defense, ignoring his assignment for the plays that are called.

Jamaal Charles- He put up good stats against Denver on Thursday night, but had two critical fumbles. The last one returned 21 yards for the game winning touchdown with 27 seconds left.

 

 


WWJP – What (Sport) Would Jesus Play?

Written by :
Published on : September 13, 2015

 

What was Jesus Christ’s favorite sport? There is a lot of talk about the Messiah and his teachings but not tons of info about what Jesus liked to do when he wasn’t washing the feet of the poor or turning water into wine. I’d like to assume he was a sports fan. I mean who isn’t? Most athletes thank Jesus for their success but what sport does Jeezy of Nazareth support?

 

Football – The simple game mechanics are just too inherently violent for the redeemer to endorse the NFL or the college version. Secretly, I think Jesus loves football but his dad doesn’t like it so he can’t really talk about it. But he totally watches and may even be in a few fantasy leagues.

Also, let’s not forget Leviticus 11:7-8 which is pretty clear about playing with the old pigskin:

The pig, for even though it has divided hoofs and is cloven-footed, it does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. Of their flesh you shall not eat, and their carcasses you shall not touch; they are unclean for you

 

baseball_jesus

 

Baseball – Well his name is Jesus, sounds like professional baseball player to me. On that alone, you might think America’s past time would be Christ’s fav. The game is slower paced and less violent but this isn’t a perfect marriage. Baseball is 90% spitting and crotch grabbing. I don’t think Jesus is cool with that.

 

Basketball – Christ for sure hoops it up. He looks like a great shooter, maybe a solid point guard who could push the floor, control the tempo and save your mortal soul. Thou shall not hog the rock. Oh, the Lord rocks sandals and cares not for Jordans. Also the trash talk isn’t going to fly. Christ really likes basketball but he isn’t in love with it.

 

jesus saves

 

 

Hockey –  He can walk on water so why couldn’t he skate? Like a bearded Gretzky. Wait, there is still fighting in hockey right? Okay, I don’t think that will work. Plus it probably never gets cold enough for Jesus and his apostles to play on a frozen pond. He didn’t grow up in Michigan.

 

Paintball – Not his favorite, just a phase we went through in the 90’s.

 

Golf – Meditative but most country clubs don’t let Jews join.

 

 

jesus soccer

 

Soccer – A simple game anyone can play. You need very little equipment or shoes. It’s loved globally. It’s a team sport. This is all sounding good. Wait, here’s the kicker. You are not allowed to use your hands which leaves them available for prayer! DING DING DING. We have a winner.

 

So you heard it here first, Jesus Christ’s favorite sport is soccer. So go kick the ball around and get a little closer to the big guy. After all, soccer is the beautiful game.

 

 


The Future of Golf is in Great Hands with Jordan Spieth

Written by :
Published on : August 22, 2015

 

While many golf fans remain engrossed in watching the train wreck that has become Tiger Woods’ career, most of us have been fortunate to see the rest of the field perform in some very memorable tournaments this season. For the past few years, it has been inevitable that Tiger’s reign was coming to an end, and Jack Nicklaus’ career major titles record appears safe yet again. That is unless Tiger can pull off a throwback Thursday for the ages by putting together four straight days of consistent golf. In the meantime the question has remained, who was going to capitalize on the opportunity to step into the spotlight, and thus have the torch passed down to them?

 

Tiger Woods

 

Golf, like most sports, needs a poster child or poster children, to snatch the attention of American viewers. During Tiger’s run of dominance, fans first fell in love with the young Master’s Champion. He quickly began to break all kinds of records, and appeared destined to become the greatest golfer ever. Over time, fans tuned in simply to watch Tiger, and golf’s ratings reached its pinnacle. Others began to grow tiresome of Woods, and watched simply to root against him but either way, golf’s ratings skyrocketed. Over the last few years, the ratings gradually began to fall, only to rise a bit when the media would lead you to believe Tiger was back with a new and improved swing, great health, a fresh mentality, a new coach, a new caddy, etc. Now seven years removed from his last major win, we aren’t fooled anymore, and golf fans are yearning for a new champion like devout Catholics awaiting the white smoke announcing a new pope.

 

Rory McIlroy has been a top candidate who appeared poised to take over the golf world, and still remains a contender every tournament, however a torn ligament while enjoying some soccer with friends kept him off the links for the past month or so. American Dustin Johnson cruises out of the gate every tournament lately like a September Heisman hopeful. He leaves his opponents in the dust trail of his mammoth 300+ yard drives only to have his Happy Gilmore like short game cause him to fizzle come the third or fourth rounds. So who will step up to the tee box and be the new face of golf? A 22-year old from Texas named Jordan Spieth.

 

Jordan Spieth

 

This past weekend Jordan Spieth became the #1 player in the world, and he didn’t even win. By finishing second in the PGA Championship to Aussie Jason Day, who also appears ready for stardom, Spieth finished the 2015 major season with an incredible run. Spieth won two majors, finished fourth at the British Open, and then finished second on Sunday. By finishing in the top-four at all major tournaments in one year, Spieth joined exclusive company by being just the third player since 1958 to reach such a feat.

 

While many will say it may be a bit early to compare Spieth to Tiger, Spieth is having one hell of a start on the tour. He tied Tiger’s record at Augusta by shooting 18-under for the tournament, and became the second youngest player to win the Master’s. A year prior, he finished second in his Master’s debut. Only Tiger has reached a #1 world ranking at a younger age than Spieth and by winning the US Open last month, Spieth became the youngest US Open champ since Bobby Jones in 1923.

 

Bobby Jones

 

Already, Spieth seems to have the expectations from fans that Tiger had. Heading into a tournament, both Spieth and the fans seem to know he’ll be in contention come Sunday, and are almost shocked if somehow he isn’t. There haven’t been too many times this season where he hasn’t been near the top of the leader board and I would expect in the upcoming PGA Playoffs, he will be up there again.

 

Tiger Woods currently sits ranked 286th in the world, he has missed the cut at three consecutive majors, and his days of competing for big tournaments are likely over; and that’s ok. He took the golf world by storm for over a decade. Simply shake his hand, thank him for all that he did, and wish him well. But in the mean time, turn all of the attention, yes ALL of the attention (talking to you ESPN) to the new bright star, the new future of golf, Jordan Spieth.

 

 


The 9 Funniest Sports Movies. Ever.

Written by :
Published on : June 25, 2015

The Internet loves lists, we love sports, and everybody loves funny movies. So we felt it was only right to have a countdown of the 9 funniest sports movies of all time.

Why 9, and not 10? Because it’s my list and I can choose whichever arbitrary number pleases me.

As for the movies, these films are the greatest of their genre and they have the ability to uplift, entertain, inspire, and most importantly make people laugh. They are about the underdogs, the outcasts, the naturally gifted, the hopelessly talentless, the improbable, the odds and the defiance of those odds. If that isn’t special, I don’t know what is.

But enough talking about it, and let’s get to business. Here are my 9 Funniest Sports Movies. Ever.

The movie "Slap Shot", directed by George Roy Hill. Seen here of the Charlestown Chiefs hockey team, the Hanson Brothers. From left, David Hanson (as Jack Hanson). Steve Carlson (as Steve Hanson), Jeff Carlson (as Jeff Hanson). Initial theatrical release February 25, 1977. Screen capture. Copyright © 1977 Universal Pictures. Credit: © 1977 Universal Pictures / Courtesy: Pyxurz.

#9. Slap Shot (1977)

This hilariously violent and vulgar film stars Paul Newman as Reggie Dunlop, a player/coach with the Charlestown Chiefs, a team that just found out that local mill will be closing and 10,000 workers will be laid off.

In an attempt to save the team from a similar fate, Dunlop resorts to fighting with other teams as his go-to strategy for winning games. And it works..

By far the funniest thing in this film is the above-pictured Hanson Brothers. These spectacle wearing man-children leave more than a little to be desired when it comes to intelligence and actual game-skills, but they more than make up for it with bare-knuckled savagery. Some of the jokes in this film would have a hard time making it to screen in today P.C society but it is undeniable that this movie is still as funny as they come.

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#8. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

As someone who isn’t an actual fan of racing I may be way off base here, but Talladega Nights so hilariously captures the general air of white-trashiness that surrounds the world of stock car racing. Will Ferrell’s portrayal of Ricky Bobby, a lowly pit crew member who is thrust into the drivers seat and onto stardom, is as close to his Old School/Anchorman greatness as he ever got again.

Ricky comes to consider himself untouchable, only to have everything, including his hot racing groupie wife, his under-appreciated teammate and best friend Cal Naughton Jr (John C Reilly), and his badass racing skills taken from him in a flash by his own arrogance and a French Formula 1 driver named Jean Girard (Sasha Baren-Cohen).

In the end Farrell and Reilly, who just do too good a job at caricaturing the hilarious mentality of the NASCAR world, carry this movie all the way to finish line.

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#7. White Men Can’t Jump (1992)

Billy Hoyle (Woody Harrelson) is a street ball hustler who takes advantage of his non-assuming, good ol’ boy Caucasian looks in order to make the ball players of Los Angeles underestimate his game. When fate brings him together with Sidney Dean (Wesley Snipes) a working partnership, and eventually a friendship, is born. Together they set off to run the courts of LA, and make some money in the process.

There are a ton of yo-mama jokes and an almost never ending amount of overly dramatic slow-motion basketball scenes that are hilarious in their own right, if not only for the fact that they look so ridiculous.

The colors and fashion, and Rosie Perez, of this film are so perfectly 90’s. It takes me back to that era while making me laugh, and as someone whose formative years occurred in this time period, I can still remember renting this VHS from the Blockbuster video.

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#6. The Bad News Bears (1976)

This film starring Walter Matthau created an entire genre of sports comedy that would be copied, repackaged and remade many times in the future. The Mighty Ducks, The Little Giants and The Ladybugs would all go on to copy the formula of The Bad News Bears. But none of these other films are as good as this mid-seventies classic. It’s funnier than all those movies if merely for the fact that its much more R-rated than its future, kid-friendly imitators. And sometimes that’s enough.

Matthau’s character, Morris Buttermaker, is coaxed into coaching a team made up from all the worst players of a highly competitive little league, and he inspires his team by showing up drunk to games and practices, and just generally not caring about the whole thing.

After acquiring a couple of ringers (a necessary step in any sports comedy) they make it all the way to the championship game, only to lose to the obviously better team. In the end coach Buttermaker is kind enough to make them feel better about the loss in the only way he knows how, by letting them drink his beer (something that I’m sure the Hollywood of today would never let happen on the screen).

 

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#5. Happy Gilmore (1996)

Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler) is an unlikely hero who has always had the dream of playing hockey. There’s just one problem, he’s not any good. He does, however, have a hell of a slap shot, which he parlays into an unlikely, but successful golf career, with a little guidance from perhaps the greatest on screen mentor ever, Chubbs Peterson (Carl Weathers).

Happy is violent. He curses and drinks. And could care less about the traditions or etiquette.

He is there to win and doesn’t care who he pisses off along the way.

Oh, and its hilarious.

For me the comedic highlight of the movie is a fight in which Bob Barker beats the hell out of Happy. Much of the humor is crude and violent, and is balanced out by golf environment that is supposed to be so refined and proper. Adam Sandler is at his peak in his first film after his debut in Billy Madison, and he would never again make a movie this great.

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#4. Kingpin (1996)

Woody Harrelson stars as Roy Munson, a once promising bowling champ who loses his good hand due to the negative influence of Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray), who takes the title of sleaziest sleazeball the moment he steps on screen.

Fast forward a couple decades and Munson has developed the kind of questionable morals and bleak outlook that can only be acquired through a lifetime of disappointment and shattered dreams. Munson eventually stumbles upon Ishmael (Randy Quaid), a previously undiscovered bowling prodigy who also happens to be from Amish country. Roy’s plan is to have Ishmael bowl in a big tournament and help them both win some money.

Ishmael’s kindhearted ignorance of modern society, along with some questionable influence from Munson, creates an opportunity for both slapstick and shock humor. The journey they undertake together proves to be one of self-discovery for both Roy and Ishmael, as they learn more about themselves and the world around them.

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#3. The Sandlot (1993)

What a great film this is. Not only is it one of the funniest sports movies ever, it also happens to be one of my favorite overall movies ever. It’s just that good.

Its amazing that The Sandlot can make me feel so nostalgic despite the fact that I didn’t grow up in a small town in middle America during the 1960’s and I wasn’t in love with the game of baseball during my youth in the way that I am now (I was a football kid). There’s just something totally relatable about the kids on the sandlot that makes you feel like it have been you or me out there playing for the love of the game and nothing else. The jokes may be juvenile at times but that doesn’t make them any less funny.

This is the second baseball movie on the list, and before I re-watched Major League it was actually the first. Despite being leapfrogged by Major League, this movie makes a very strong case for being higher on the list; the fact of the matter is that Major League is just a funnier movie. With that said, I absolutely love this film and it does a great job of giving the viewer the feeling of being a kid playing sports with your friends in the summer.

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#2. Major League (1989)

This is an amazing film and would probably be at the top of most people’s list. With late 80’s/early 90’s stalwarts like Charlie Sheen, Wesley Snipes, Rene Russo and Tom Berenger it’s pretty easy to see how this movie was such a home run (get it?). This movie provides constant laughs and the uplifting type of story that everyone who has ever been on a bad team dreams about living out, on and off the field.

Battling against their own ineptitude and a money-hungry new owner who wants to move the entire franchise to Miami, this motley crew of players, who includes washed up veterans, ex-cons, and a voodoo practitioner, must turn themselves around and save the team. By going from laughing stock of the league to winning the division in dramatic fashion, raise attendance to levels at which the owner can’t justify moving the team.

The laughs alone are enough to raise this movie up, but the solid sports-related plot puts it in the top 3.

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#1. Caddyshack (1980)

When the idea for this list was in its earliest stages, I knew immediately which movie was at the top. Caddyshack is not only my favorite sports comedy of all time; it is also one of my favorite overall movies of all time.

Caddyshack stars three of the greatest comedians of all time: Chevy Chase, Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield, whose performances help create one the most genuinely funny films ever. I’m not even going to try to list some of the hysterical things in this movie; if you don’t know them off the top of your head, you need to go and watch this film right now!

This movie has all of the necessary components of an all time epic sports story. Rag-tag group of underachieving but loveable characters? High Stakes? Antagonist who you just love to hate? With of these elements there’s no better film I could think of to top this list, and for that reason, Caddyshack takes the title of the funniest sports movie ever.

 

 


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