Roger Pretzel’s Haunted Dungeon Week 14: Matt Stafford Rushes For Game Winning TD and “Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell”

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Published on : December 14, 2016

 

Welcome back to Roger Pretzel’s Haunted Dungeon. In this spooky sanctum I’ve poured over all the replay tape to come up with my favorite NFL play of the week. Then it’s straight back to the projector to unspool a film you may have not been aware of…

 

The lights have dimmed, the blood ritual completed, and the demons have been summoned.

 

Week 14: Matt Stafford Shows Toughness on Rumbling Rushing TD

 

There’s nothing quite like December football with the winning teams battling for playoff spots, and the hopeless ones happy to play spoiler. Week 14 gave us a billion amazing special teams plays, and Vic Beasley Jr. became Jared Goff’s own personal hell, but this week’s highlight comes from none other than the comeback king himself: Matt Stafford.

 

It’s starting to get a little nutty for us Detroit fans as we watch the boys in blue repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. The amount of different opinions and analyses of Stafford over the years have been all over the map, and I would argue that he’s actually one of the more divisive QBs in the game in terms of opinion.

 

One thing I don’t think he gets enough credit for though, is his ability to move within the pocket. He avoids a sack attempt before opting to run, and even breaks a few tackles along the way into the end zone. In the replay it looks like John Timu has a great opportunity to stop the play, but Stafford makes a bit of a cut and ends up home free. It’s a pretty ugly run for sure, and it’s definitely hilarious to see number 9 bowl over teammate Eric Ebron in the end zone, but with each successive season I’m starting to appreciate Stafford’s goofy looking QB scrambles more and more. He’s getting results.

 

Week 14: Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell

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Director: Hajime Sato
Released: 1968

 

I’ve read before that this is apparently a favorite of Quentin Tarantino’s, and it’s so damn good I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.

 

The setup: An airplane is downed on a garishly colored desert island thanks to the passing of a UFO. The alien craft’s occupant is a blob that acts as a parasite, splitting apart the head of one of the surviving passengers and turning him, and successive victims, into vampires.

 

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The sci-fi/horror mash up works wonders here and director Hajime Sato takes the brilliant Goerge Romero rout of centering much of the drama on how different human personalities react in a crisis situation. The characters are a hoot too, including a corrupt politician, a morally bankrupt businessman and his trophy wife, a would-be terrorist youth, and a grieving American widow.

 

Nothing is quaint or quiet in this picture as the survivors’ predicament is highly politicized, mirroring the turbulent political climate of the late 60’s, with references to the Vietnam War, political assassinations, and the growing rift between socioeconomic classes. All of this is of course made more hysterical with a complete lack of drinking water, leading to a dehydrated fever-pitch of desperation.

 

goke-body-snatcher-from-hell-japanese-movie-review-nyaff-2012-cult-midnight-2-noscale

 

The film’s simplistic antiwar statement dressed up in cautionary-tale-clothing makes a great backdrop for all manner of bizarre and terrifying happenings. There’s a wide range of special effects shots on hand from miniatures and models, to the more horrific face molds, oozing slime creatures, and bodies drained of blood.

 

And unlike our glorious Independence Days and Wars Between Worlds, the baddie Gokemidoro alien at the heart of this film knows it’s a little too late for humanity this time around.

 

Screen Shot 2016-12-12 at 8.33.02 PM

 

This trailer gives you an excellent idea of the wackiness on hand:

 

You can catch the whole movie here, but Criterion Eclipse has a beautiful DVD copy that’s definitely worth tracking down:

 

 


NFL’s Clutch Killers

Written by :
Published on : November 18, 2016

 

This one goes out to the true ballers. The teams and players that never say die. The stats and odds may be stacked against them but they laugh in the face of fear and pull off the impossible. But if you routinely pull off the impossible can we really call it impossible? Woah, intellectual brain freeze. Let’s get to know the NFL crews that are pure clutch.

 

The New York Giants

Coming off a 1 point win over the Cincinnati Bengals on Monday Night Football, the G-men are now 6-3. Not bad, still chasing Dallas, even though they did beat them in week 1, but that seems ages ago. All 6 wins have been within 7 points. So the games they are winning are all being won in the fourth quarter. That takes guts. Giants are last in the league in rushing. So Eli Manning has t0 get some of the credit here. We all jump on him when he throws the pick but he is leading them to wins. And looking ahead they have Chicago and Cleveland. Both seem like very winnable games. The schedule after that gets brutal: at Pittsburgh, Dallas, Detroit, at Philly, at Washington. We are going to learn a lot about New York in those last weeks.

 

 

The Detroit Lions

Matt Stafford is the new comeback kid in the mold of Favre or Elway. In all 5 wins, the Cardiac Cats were trailing in the 4th quarter and Stafford led them back. The arm of quarterback and the leg of kicker Matt Parter have been clutch all season. All these two need is 40 seconds (with or without time outs) to get down the field and boot the game winner. The world is finally taking notice of what fans in Detroit have seen Matt do this his whole career. Stafford currently has 25 game-winning drives in just 102 games played. That’s all fancy stat talk meaning don’t give him a last chance with the ball unless you are ready to lose.

 

Detroit can add some wins in their next four games where they play Jacksonville, Minnesota, at New Orleans and Chicago. After that it gets wild with all road games starting at New York, at Dallas and at Green Bay. Wow, who at the scheduling office hates the Lions? If Detroit is going to make the playoffs, it is because of Stafford and his killer instinct.

 

The Kansas City Chiefs

 

KC is 7-2 and winners of 5 straight. Unlike the teams mentioned above, the Chiefs have been winning late but not necessarily because of QB Alex Smith. Don’t get me wrong, he has been vital in the victories but they have found different ways to win each week. In week 10, Kansas City was down 17 to Carolina before they finally woke up. A few field goals, a pick six, a touchdown and a forced fumble led to a game winning kick that stole Christmas from the Panthers.

 

The AFC West is tight and KC plays 2 divisional games in the next 4 weeks. First it’s Tampa Bay, at Denver, at Atlanta, Oakland. The regular season ends for them with matchups with Tennessee, Denver and at San Diego. This crew will make the playoffs either as the division winner or a wild card.

 

No one wants to play these types of teams. They keep hanging around all game and it almost seems over until something crazy happens. It’s a powerful x-factor that swing the fates of the postseason.

 

Heart attack.

 

 


Roger Pretzel’s Review ‘N Brew: Weeks 11 and 12

Written by :
Published on : December 4, 2015

 

All right gang, this week you get a two’fer seeing as how I take off the entire week of Thanksgiving every year come hell or high water. After the belt is loosened, the naps slept, and the leftovers properly sandwiched, I’ve got fat reserves a-go-go to bring you the greatest plays from the NFL’s weeks 11 and 12, respectively.

 

 

Week 11: Matt Hasselbeck Flips to Ahmad Bradshaw for 7 Yard TD

Bradshaw for the TD!

 

VIDEO: HERE

 

If you’re gonna pull a comeback it needs to start somewhere. This time, the Colts three point victory over the Falcons got off the ground thanks to an old familiar face. Ahmad Bradshaw turns to Hasselbeck, as the replacement QB is about to get run-over under pressure, and catches the quick shovel pass. It ain’t too difficult for Bradshaw to take it seven yards to the house with two big blockers and a lot of green in front of him.

 

It certainly doesn’t look like a planned screen to me, and regardless whether or not it was, it took some quick reflexes and smarts on the part of both Hasselbeck and Bradshaw to pull it off. If Bradshaw can remain a viable back, it certainly takes some pressure off fellow old-timer Frank Gore, and would give the Colts a more successful running game down the stretch.

 

 

Week 12: Chris Ivory Refuses to Be Tackled

He won’t be stopped!

 

VIDEO: HERE

 

Chris Ivory has always been a beastly downhill runner, and he really lives up to his rep with this diehard effort. The play doesn’t look great to start as Dolphins linebacker Neville Hewitt bolts through a hole in the line, but Ivory manages to elude Hewitt, making him whiff on the tackle. Ivory gains a few, and by all rights should be stopped as the Jets back runs afoul of three linemen attacking from three different directions. Inexplicably Ivory twists out of this and gets free. Throw in one more missed tackle by linebacker Kelvin Sheppard and you’ve got a Review ‘N Brew worthy highlight on your hands.

 

Of course Ivory deserves all the credit and respect on the play, but there’s something troubling in the listlessness shown by a defense that some thought would be an elite squad at the beginning of the season…

 

 

Weeks 11 and 12: A Ceramic Mug of Congealed Turkey Gravy Melted in the Microwave

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Another sweet sweet Lions win in the books, and a blowout on Thanksgiving to boot! Every bite of turkey tasted like an eagle, and every mouthful of fluffy mashed potatoes like Chip Kelly’s fragile dreams. That night I gave thanks to Calvin Johnson, Golden Tate, Matthew Stafford, and especially Ziggy Ansah. There was even room in my heart for Joique Bell and Stephen Tulloch. Commensurate to the room in my belly for pumpkin pie (whipped cream, please.)

 

On Thanksgiving, that most pigskin friendly of holidays, I ate and drank my fill. Fine wines and side dishes, brewskies and desserts: all traveled merrily down my gullet as I celebrated with friends and family. I didn’t want it to end. I never want Thanksgiving to end.

 

One of Calvin’s three touchdowns on Thanksgiving

 

That night I couldn’t sleep, as I was unsurprisingly afflicted with indigestion. I crept downstairs and watched highlights from the day’s games. Poor Tony Romo. Bears win at Lambeau! I opened the fridge, but I wasn’t hungry. I was now possessed by either the spirit of the holiday, or by the ghost of a vengeful Native American exiled from his homeland after lending a helping hand to the pale-faced new arrivals.

 

I pulled a tupperware of gravy from the fridge and a spoon from the drawer. The cold gravy, once so warm and velvety, had now become the texture of jelly as the turkey grease congealed around the flour and mushroom chunks. This wouldn’t do. Not one bit. I looked for an appropriate receptacle and came upon a ceramic coffee mug. Inspired, I started spooning gobbet after gobbet of the meat slurry into the cup. 30 microwavable seconds later the gravy had returned to its former glory, with the mushrooms proudly floating atop my beautiful brown elixir. The aroma of rendered fowl fat was intoxicating.

 

I drank and I drank. I sucked up that damned gravy in one go. Sated, I hit replay on the day’s Lions highlights, smiling with joy between grimaces brought on by chest pains. Tomorrow would be a rough one, but right now everything was just as it should be.

 

 


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