6 teams that should sign Colin Kaepernick right now

Written by :
Published on : September 8, 2017

 

 

The NFL season is finally here and it’s a total fucking joke that QB Colin Kaepernick still doesn’t have a job. There are many teams that lack a real answer under center, so it makes you wonder what’s really at play here? Save the talk of the bad press. Losing is bad press. Losing gets you fired. Kap is under 30, competed in a Super Bowl, has the arm and the legs to play at a pro level. Plus, he’s healthy. That resume could help at least half a dozen squads win some games. Here are a few organizations that would instantly improve by adding Kaepernick.

 

New York Jets

Who is their starter? Josh McCown? And if that doesn’t work then who? Christian Hackenberg? Bryce Petty? Those sound like NASCAR drivers, not quarterbacks. Kap would be a major upgrade. Or maybe the plan is just to keep tanking and draft someone next year.

 

Jacksonville Jaguars

Both Blake Bortles and Chad Henne have failed to inspire. People keep saying that the Jags are loaded with talent on both sides of the ball. That may be true but it means nothing without someone solid driving the car. Be bold, Jacksonville, decide this is the year you are going to move out of the NFL’s basement.

 

Indianapolis Colts

Embed from Getty Images

 

Who knows when Andrew Luck will actually be back? And what if he gets hurt again? The current backup is Scott Tolzien. He was named the week 1 starter. But he looked so bad in preseason that the Colts traded WR Phillip Dorsett to the Patriots for their 3rd string QB, Jacoby Brissett. They should have just called Colin and saved themselves a wide receiver.

 

Houston Texans

Deshaun Watson may be the future but the current reigns are in the hands of Tom Savage. It feels like the Texans always have some mediocre signal caller. Their defense is legit but they need a true leader on offense. Plus Kaepernick could be a great mentor to Watson, as both play a more athletic version of the position.

 

Cleveland Browns

Much like the Texans’ situation, the Browns have their QB of the future in DeShone Kizer (or at least they hope). But Cleveland is starting the rookie day one. We shall see how fast the kid learns but maybe it would have been nice to groom the young talent while a real starter shows him the ropes. Or just throw the kid in the deep end and pray he doesn’t drown.

 

Embed from Getty Images

 

San Francisco 49ers

Colin Kaepernick’s old team. They moved on from Kap but never got anyone better. Their current starter is Brian Hoyer. The guy who couldn’t hack it in Cleveland or Chicago. Plus if Colin came back then all the bay area fans could bust out their old jerseys.

 

Those are just the first six I could think of. One could argue that Denver and Chicago need quarterback help as well. Either way, there will be a big QB injury sometime this year, it’s just bound to happen. And when it does, I hope management gives Kap a chance. More likely, that GM in question will just say “fuck it” and see what Tony Romo is doing.

 

Call the guy.

 

 


2017 NFL Draft reactions

Written by :
Published on : April 29, 2017

 

2017 NFL Draft started on Thursday, live from Philadelphia. Part of this new format where the NFL Draft will move from city to city each year. Round 1 opened and from the gate there were huge trades, surprises and plenty of drama. Let’s look back at the first few rounds and cover all the big storylines.

 

Head scratchers

The Chicago Bears move up from #3 to #2 overall to select North Carolina quarterback, Mitchell Trubisky. Now, the pick isn’t necessarily bad but the Chicago organization gave up so much to make the move. They lost their 3rd and 4th round picks this year, plus a 3rd rounder next year. To make matters worse, Trubisky only ever started 13 games in college. Oh yeah, the Bears already gave QB Mike Glennon 3 years/$45 million and said he is the starter. So all those assets for someone fans wont even get to see play. They sure are putting a lot of pressure on this kid.

 

 

Titans add weapons

Tennessee can run the ball and they have a decent defense but they didn’t have much talent for QB Marcus Mariota to throw to. Until now. The team spent 3 of their first 4 picks on pass-catching standouts Corey Davis WR from Western Michigan, Taywan Taylor WR from Western Kentucky and Jonnu Smith TE from Florida International. This young core should have the Titans in playoff form sooner than most think.

 

Red flags

The Cincinnati Bengals drafted Oklahoma RB Joe Mixon in round 2. Mixon is no doubt a talented runner but he also famously punched a woman and broke several bones in her face. This issue is being resolved in the legal sense but his character is clearly in question. In a similar instance, we have the Oakland Raiders first round choice Gareon Conley. This CB out of Ohio State is in the middle of rape allegations and could still be charged which would ruin his NFL career. I can’t understand how either franchise could pick these guys. It’s not only risky but it communicates that this type of behavior is acceptable. WHICH IT IS NOT.

 

 

College buddies

Five different teams drafted multiple athletes from the same school. The Dallas Cowboys picked DE Taco Charlton and CB Jordan Lewis from Michigan. The Detroit Lions took LB Jarrad Davis and CB Teez Tabor out of Florida. The Baltimore Ravens went all defense with their first 4 picks and two players from Alabama; CB Marlon Humphrey and LB Tim Williams. Washington got in on the Bama train by taking both DT Jonathan Allen and LB Ryan Anderson. And lastly, the Seattle Seahawks took two Michigan players, S Delano Hill and WR Amara Darboh. Rookie year will be way easier with your college buddy around.

 

Browns do great! Mostly.

Cleveland had 3 first round picks including #1 overall. That’s crazy. They also passed on all 3 QB’s that went in the round (Trubisky to Chicago, Mahomes to Kansas City, Watson to Houston). They did land some serious ballers in DE Myles Garrett from Texas A&M, S Jabrill Peppers from Michigan and TE David Njoku from Miami. In round 2, the Browns found their QB in DeShone Kizer out of Notre Dame. This is strange because Kizer is raw and needs time and feels like a real project. Maybe this was an overreaction from day 1 to day 2. After everyone asked why the team hadn’t solved their long standing issue. In round 3, Cleveland added DT Larry Ogunjobi out of Charlotte. They still have 5 picks left and the defense is looking more and more fierce. The only question is, who is going to lead this unit on offense?

 

Only time will tell how any of these moves will pan out. So let’s all agree to meet back here in 4 years and we can have a really cool and retro 2017 NFL Draft conversation.

 

Pick me!

 

 


NFL free agents bound to be overpaid and underwhelming

Written by :
Published on : March 3, 2017

 

 

The NFL’s free agency period begins Thursday March 9th at 4 p.m. ET. Two days before that, is what is known as the legal tampering period, a time when teams and free agents are free to begin negotiating. It is around this time that players and teams can agree, in principle, to contracts and when the offseason news cycle really begins to go wild. On March 7th we will all begin to hear about the ridiculous money being handed out to NFL free agents and naturally, we will hear about guys who are being overpaid. The great players will break the bank and even the good to mediocre players will fetch a huge ransom. There will be older players who bank off of storied careers and there will be guys who had good seasons last year that will prove to be one-hit wonders. Let’s take a look at some guys who will be giving their new teams buyer’s remorse before long.

 

Adrian Peterson

For years, Adrian Peterson has been among the best running backs in the league. He has frustrated opposing defenses and he topped 2,000 yards rushing in 2012. Peterson has also had at least 10 touchdowns in 8 of his 10 seasons in the NFL, and those two other seasons were drastically shortened due to an injury and a domestic violence suspension. Due to his impressive production throughout his career, there will almost certainly be a large market for his services but the smartest teams will stay away.

 

AP will turn 32 this month and for a running back, especially one with as many miles on the tires as him, that is ancient. He has carried the 2,418 times in his career and it seems unlikely that he will be able to return to league-leading form after suffering knee and groin injuries last season. Someone is going to pay him big money (Cleveland Browns?) but they will be kicking themselves in the butt sooner rather than later.

 

 

AJ Bouye

Prior to week 3 of the 2016 NFL season, AJ Bouye was the number-four cornerback on the Houston Texans’ roster. Then the Texans secondary was hit with a rash of injuries that propelled Bouye into the starting lineup. Luckily for the Texans, and Bouye’s bank account, he thrived once he started to see more playing time. The four year veteran went on to start 11 games for the Texans after starting only 8 games in his first 3 years in the league. While he certainly proved that he has the ability to be a starter in the NFL, the lack of sustained high level play over the course of his career should be concerning.

 

Bouye is widely considered the best cornerback in the free agent market and a year ago, no one had heard of him. Ideally, you would like to give top cornerback money to someone who has proved themselves over the course of more than one single NFL season. He wouldn’t be the first NFL player who played out of their mind in a contract year and then disappeared back into the shadows from whence they came once they signed a mega deal.

 

 

Alshon Jeffrey

Alshon Jeffrey has all the talent in the world and the tools to be a top wide receiver in the NFL. He also has a ton of baggage, including a PED suspension and some injury concerns. Despite that baggage, there is a good chance that Jeffrey could soon be the highest paid receiver in the league, eclipsing Antonio Brown’s four-year, $68 million deal that he signed with the Steelers earlier this week. When you’re handing that kind of contract to a guy like Jeffrey, who has had a rocky career, there’s a good chance that you could come to regret that decision.

 

Jeffrey has only gained 1,000 or more yards receiving in 2 out of his 4 seasons and has only caught 10 touchdowns once. For a guy who has shown such great flashes of talent, he can be very frustrating. Regardless, some poor sucker of a team is going to make this guy very, very rich. And there’s a good chance that contract will make whatever team very, very sad. If you don’t believe me just ask the Bears why they didn’t apply the franchise tag to their best pass catcher.

 

 

Russell Okung

This guy is something else. He was a free agent last offseason after a pretty solid first 6 years to his career in Seattle. He was successful in his time with the Seahawks and was primed to sign a big-money contract. Then he proved that he is far from the sharpest tool in the shed by deciding to forgo the normal process of having a professional agent and negotiated his own contract. He saved himself a few dollars of commission and signed himself to one of the dumbest contracts ever. On the surface it was a five-year deal worth $10.6 million a year with the Broncos but upon realizing that the team had the option to void the contract after the first year and release themselves from the remaining $20.5 million in guaranteed money, you have to wonder what is wrong with this guy?

 

Okung’s performance last year was far from his best showing but luckily for him, the offensive tackle class in free agency and the draft is rather thin. That means that the 29-year-old will likely find pay that he should be happy with. The problem is that he has proven to be a real idiot who is bound to continue to show his lack of awareness. The only saving grace for potential suitors would be if he is stupid enough to try to act as his own agent once again. He can’t be that dense, but if he is, would you really want to risk signing someone like that?

 

 

There are always some players who get signed in free agency and fizzle out and are the guys that I think will come to look like bad signings a year or two down the line. They may have done enough up to this point to get themselves giant contracts but this will probably be the last big money deal they see. Head on down to the comments section and tell us which players you think your favorite team should avoid.

 

 


Blackout Bruno’s NFL picks for week 17

Written by :
Published on : January 3, 2017

 

This article was penned the weekend leading up to week 17 but I got really drunk and forgot to post it. No picks were harmed or changed in the making of this. The correct picks are marked after each guess, along with my record so far.

 

Saturday, January 31st, 2016 –

Woah, just woke up from a 16 hour nap to discover I went 13-3 in week 15. Not bad for a guy with a severally damaged liver and brain. That brings my selective season total for picks to 40-18-1. That record could be even better if I didn’t pick my Lions to win against the Giants. Still mad about that game. Don’t even get me started on that awful Dallas fiasco on Monday night. I mean, Dez Bryant has a handful of facemask but the refs– I said DON’T get me started. Let’s all calm down with a cold one and the picks for week 17.

 

Quick note: many of these games are meaningless as the playoffs are all but set. So some younger players may see some snaps which may throw off the traditional wisdom.

 

Baltimore Ravens at Cincinnati Bengals

 

Ravens were 9 seconds away from beating the Steelers last week and having a shot at the postseason but Antonio Brown had other plans. Because of that, they come out mad and take it out all over a depleted Bengals crew.

Winner: Baltimore Bengals (0-1 so far)

 

Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans

This should have been the showdown for the AFC South crown but the Titans lost to Jags in week 16 and lost their star QB Marcus Mariota. This is a perfect time for the playoff bound Texans to learn how to win on the road.

Winner: Houston Tennessee (0-2)

 

Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Bucs need a win and some help to get to the dance, plus they are playing at home and have motivation on their side. For the Panthers, this is the last game of their Super Bowl hangover. I’m sure they just want the season to be over.

Winner: Tampa Bay (1-2)

 

Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianpolis Colts

 

Despite all their preseason hype, the Jags are one of the league’s worst. While Andrew Luck and the Colts can flash moments of awesome. That is more than enough for Indy to take care of business in front of their home crowd.

Winner: Indianpolis (2-2)

 

New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins

Miami is currently the 6th seed in the AFC going into the playoffs. That projects them to travel to Pittsburgh (outdoors) for the Wild Card. That’s not great for the Dolphins chances, a win against the Pats could get them the 5th seed which pits them against Houston (indoors). Pair all this with the idea that New England may sit some starters and you have upset written all over.

Winner: Miami New England (2-3)

 

Chicago Bears at Minnesota Vikings

Bears are garbage. Vikings defense is good. Case closed.

Winner: Minnesota (3-3)

 

Buffalo Bills at New York Jets

 

Speaking of garbage, the New York Jets everyone. They can’t stop anyone and they have no answer at QB. The Bills are better than their record and can run the ball effectively.

Winner: Buffalo New York (3-4)

 

Cowboys Dallas at Philadelphia Eagles

Dallas has it all locked up and is waiting for the divisional round of the playoffs. They will be mentally checked out. While the Eagles and their young QB are trying to grow and learn with each snap.

Winner: Philadelphia (4-4)

 

Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers

Browns just got their first win last week. I was as shocked as you. But that mostly just proves you can never count on the Chargers for anything. None of that matters, Steelers run all over Cleveland.

Winner: Pittsburgh (5-4)

 

New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons

 

Falcons are playing for a potential first round bye and they rock at home. Don’t count the Saints out as Drew Brees flashes some vintage magic to make this interesting but it’s not enough.

Winner: Atlanta (6-4)

 

New York Giants at Washington R-words

The G-men’s D is solid and but for Washington, this is their whole season. Should be a tough divisional matchup. I can see it either way but I’ll give New York the edge. True they have less to play for but they know it’s important to hit the postseason with some momentum.

Winner: New York (7-4)

 

Arizona Cardinals at Los Angeles Rams

Both these organizations had high hopes for 2016. Those hopes were dashed weeks ago but the Cardinals are still miles ahead of the lowly Rams.

Winner: Arizona (8-4)

 

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos

 

What happened to Denver? Suddenly they can’t run the ball and that promising start isn’t enough to get them back to the playoffs. The Raiders will hand the offense over to Matt McGloin in place of injured QB Derek Carr. An ugly game but McGloin gets the win.

Winner: Oakland Denver (8-5)

 

Kansas City Chiefs at San Diego Chargers

Chargers lost to the winless Browns last week and will keep the crappy play going against the red-hot Chiefs. Look for super weapon Tyreek Hill to make fools out of the San Diego coverage units.

Winner: Kansas City (9-5)

 

Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers

HAHAHAH! Niners just fired everyone for the train wreck of season they are having. I kind of thought they were going to give Chip Kelley another year. Whatever. Seattle rolls in this tuneup game.

Winner: Seattle (10-5)

 

Green Bay Packers at Detroit Lions

This game will determine who is King of the North! So conflicted here. If I pick the Lions they will lose. But I can’t bring myself to pick the Packers out of principle so I guess it will be a tie. Go Lions.

No Winner: Tie Green Bay (10-6) 

 

That’s it for the regular season picks. If I’m not in jail, I’ll try and get some Wild Card predictions in for you to enjoy. Until then, make your favorite cocktail and hold your loved ones close. Who knows what the future holds.

 

Playoffs?

 

 


Blackout Bruno’s NFL picks for week 15

Written by :
Published on : December 15, 2016

 

Sorry for the long absence. I’m still sweating out this hangover after my recent trip to New Orleans. My record last time out was 10-4 (week 10) which gives me an overall record of 27-15-1. Not bad. I’ve done better and better each week, let’s keep this streak going. Let’s streak through the quad and into the gymnasium. These are your booze inspired picks for week 15.

 

Los Angeles Rams at Seattle Seahawks

Seattle bounces back after a dismal showing against the Packers and stomps a Rams team that just fired its head coach. These crews are headed in opposite directions. Seahawks rack it up.

Winner: Seattle

 

Miami Dolphins at New York Jets

 

No Tannehill? No problem. Dolphins focus on the run and push over a terrible Jets team. New York is at home but just barely, the game is on Saturday so the Giants can have all day with the stadium on Sunday. It’s clear which New York squad is liked best.

Winner: Miami

 

Detroit Lions at New York Giants

Two offenses that can’t really run the ball. Both have played in lots of close contests. both have better records than most want to give them credit for. Lions are the hotter team having won their last 5 but the Giants just slayed the mighty Cowboys. It’ll be a nail-bitter but the Lions pull it out, again.

Winner: Detroit

 

Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears

It may be closer than most expect but Green Bay will win. I know this because I need them to lose, so they won’t. It’s nearly guaranteed. Rodgers and company keep moving the ball down field and link up on several deep bombs.

Winner: Green Bay

 

Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans

 

Jags are bad and already thinking about draft picks while Houston needs this game to stay atop the division as the Titans and Colts nip at their heels. Texans also play way better at home and pull away in the second half.

Winner: Houston

 

Cleveland Browns at Buffalo Bills

Cleveland will not win a game this year. Buffalo is better than their 6-7 record and they are going to prove it all over the Browns. Shady McCoy runs for over a 100 yards and adds a few touchdowns. Cleveland adds some points late but it’s never close.

Winner: Buffalo

 

Philadelphia Eagles at Baltimore Ravens

Bird battle. Ravens are mad salty after the loss to the Pats. They bring their A-game plus that wicked defense. Wentz turns it over late and that seals it. Baltimore keeps their playoff hopes alive.

Winner: Baltimore

 

Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs

 

I’m taking a real risk here. KC is very good in all phases of play. Also, they are nearly bulletproof playing at Arrowhead but they just lost LB Derrick Johnson. The Titans run the ball very well and have been rocking lately. They steal a win on the road.

Winner: Tennessee

 

Indianapolis Colts at Minnesota Vikings

Both crews need a W to stay in the postseason conversation. Andrew Luck turns on the magic and hits Hilton for a big score. Colts play spoiler and the Vikings will kick themselves for losing this one. Especially since they play Green Bay next.

Winner: Indianapolis

 

Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals

The simple truth is that the Steelers score too many points for the Bengals to hang. Wether it’s through the air to Antonio Brown or on the ground with Le’Veon Bell, it’s too much for Cincinnati. Big Ben gets his boys one step closer to the postseason.

Winner: Pittsburgh

 

New Orleans Saints at Arizona Cardinals

 

Two teams with vet QBs and sub .500 records. Everyone was expecting more. Who will step up? I give the edge to the Cards because of their strong run game. For viewers sake, let’s hope this is a barn-burner because entertainment is all they are playing for.

Winner: Arizona

 

San Francisco 49ers at Atlanta Falcons

Oh boy, this may be the most lopsided contest in week 15. Falcons need the victory to hold off the surging Bucs in the NFC South. The game is also in Atlanta and the 49ers stink. Matty Ice torches them for 350 yards and 4 TD’s.

Winner: Atlanta

 

New England Patriots at Denver Broncos

This isn’t the Peyton Manning Broncos and Tom Brady is rolling. How can you pick against the Pats after their big win on Monday night? They lit up that solid unit from Baltimore and are looking to do the same in Mile High.

Winner: New England

 

Oakland Raiders at San Diego Chargers

 

The Raiders get back on track in this game but it won’t be easy. Nothing ever is with the Chargers. Their whole team is injured but Philip Rivers keeps slinging. This will come down to the last two possessions but the Oakland defense comes up big.

Winner: Oakland

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Dallas Cowboys

You can normally just pencil in a Cowboys win each week but they looked like mere mortals in their loss to the Giants. Tampa Bay is a solid squad that has won their last 5 and could prove to be a handful. Still have to think Dallas pulls it out.

Winner: Dallas

 

Carolina Panthers at Washington R-words

This game probably sounded like a fun matchup on paper last year but the 5-8 Panthers aren’t much of a draw for Monday Night Football. Washington is still in the wild card hunt so they will be jacked up and ready to ball.

Winner: Washington

 

Alright, get me a bloody mary and a nap. The playoffs are around the corner, oh and I guess Christmas too. So scratch that bloody and get me a bourbon eggnog, unless you started making it already. In which case, I’ll have both and a beer.

 

Let’s order delivery.

 

 


Could Alabama beat the Cleveland Browns?

Written by :
Published on : December 12, 2016

 

 

Seems like every year, sports pundits and talking heads compare college football’s best against the NFL’s worst in some hypothetical showdown. First off, it could never happen, ever. Not like when people say McGregor vs. Mayweather won’t happen. I mean legally, it can’t happen. We are talking pros playing students. But for the sake of arguments, let’s say the Cleveland Browns met the Alabama Crimson Tide on a neutral field, under the cover of darkness to settle the score. What would happen? Let’s look at this matchup from all angles and predict the winner.

 

Currently, the Browns are 0-13 and facing a potential zero win season while Alabama sits at 12-0 and is getting ready for the college football playoffs with hopes of yet another national championship. It’s Bama’s dominance that keeps bringing this question up, year after year. Sports writers see the Tide roll everyone they face and the natural conclusion is that they are ready to take that next step in competition. But this isn’t English soccer, we don’t relegate the lowest pro teams and promote the top college squads. And for good reason. Any NFL team would kill a college squad. Period.

 

 

Don’t get me wrong, Alabama is amazing. The best program in the country. They have skill at every position and have a top tier coaching staff that gets them ready to play every weekend. Their 2016 roster will send many to the NFL and some of those players may turn out to be superstars but this is the rub. Not all of the 2016 roster will make the pros while every member of the Browns is a pro. That’s the difference. Every Brown was a scouted, recruited talent that did all the right things to get to that highest level. Cleveland, even with a bad NFL record, is a squad of men who were the best players on their respective college teams.

 

“But Alabama is younger and faster.” Okay, let’s concede that point. Maybe they could score some points with that speed but football is four quarters and lineman on both sides of the ball for Cleveland will dictate the ultimate pace of the game. Those huge adult bodies will wear down any teenagers, no matter how freakishly good they are. The Browns’ pass rush would be too much for Alabama to handle. Crimson Tide quarterback Jalen Hurts is a freshman. How often have we seen some great QBs come out of college, after racking up video game level stats, fall back to earth in the pros in their first few years? There is a steep learning curve. The pro game is much quicker, the margins much slimmer. It’s just too much to ask from an 18-year-old.

 

 

The last factor here is pride. Bama loses none with a loss, they are supposed to lose. But for Cleveland? This game would be everything. Those players would go berserk defending their honor against these college kids. This issue alone is enough to tip the scales and as we all know sports is about who wants it more. Hats off to Alabama, the fact that we always talk about this is compliment enough. But enough. Let’s put this theoretical battle to bed, once and for all.

 

Pros.

 

 


Are the Cleveland Browns Headed for 0-16?

Written by :
Published on : November 17, 2016

 

 

Oh no, Cleveland! Is another team going to end the season 0-16? I sure hope not. Not only is it bad for the NFL but it’s a terrible a fate for any franchise to suffer. The 2008 Detroit Lions went 0-16 and it was brutal. At home games, most of the fans wore brown paper bags on their heads to hide their identity from the tv cameras. Dark days indeed. Currently, the Cleveland Browns are 0-10 and are staring down the barrel of making history in all the wrong ways. Let’s breakdown the reasons for and against the Browns going winless.

 

The Browns will win a game

The saying is “any given Sunday” and as corny as it sounds, it’s true. Any pro team can get caught off guard and lose to a crew that’s worse than them. All it takes is a little mojo. A blocked kick, a gadget play, a big stop and suddenly, the little guy has all the energy. Losing every game is hard. You need to find new ways to lose. Those 2008 Lions were creative, they created failure out of thin air. It is an art, truly.

 

 

6 games is plenty of opportunity to pull an upset. There is talent on the roster. 1st round pick, Corey Coleman is finally healthy and looking to break a few big plays. Terrelle Pryor has been their best weapon all year and currently has 627 receiving yards, has taken some hand offs and even played a little QB. Running back Isaiah Crowell is averaging 4.6 yards a carry and can help move the chains. Just one player needs to get hot, in just one lucky game to avoid going 0-fer.

 

The Browns will go winless

Their QB situation is a joke. They have had 6 different signal callers so far and have rookie Cody Kessler running the show, for now. Remember when they thought RGIII was the answer? Woof.

 

None of these personnel issues really matter because it all comes down to the schedule. Even though Cleveland is playing at home 4 of the next 6 games, it doesn’t look great moving forward. Let’s breakdown each of their remaining matchups.

 

Week 11 – Pittsburgh Steelers

Steelers have lost 4 in a row but are still in the division race. They need this game and will play like it.

Week 12 – New York Giants

Giants have a winning record and are playing their best football recently. Browns have no answer for OBJ.

Week 13 – Cincinnati Bengals

Bengals won the first meeting 31-17 last month and nothing has changed since then.

Week 14 – at Buffalo Bills

Playing in Buffalo, outdoors, mid-December, against that defense? Nope, nope, nope.

Week 15 – San Diego Chargers

The Chargers have scored the second most points. Cleveland can’t keep up.

Week 16 – at Pittsburgh Steelers

Only way the Browns stand a chance is if Roethlisberger and the starters sit out because they’ve already won the division.

 

I don’t see any wins in that stretch.

 

Verdict

 

The Browns will join the Lions as the only teams to go 0-16. Beyond the tough road ahead, the Browns have an identity crisis. Their defense is supposed to be their strong suit but the unit has given up a league leading 301 points through 10 games. Plus they have only scored 175 points. The worst differential in the NFL. I hate to say, those stats don’t bode well for securing a win anytime soon. At least Cleveland won’t be alone in the loser’s circle.

 

Who knows, maybe the Dawg Pound will turn it around and rip off two or three W’s or maybe they completely fall apart and earn that #1 overall draft pick the sad way. Or maybe more and more teams will go winless as the middle class drops out of the NFL. I never root for Ohio but everyone deserves at least one victory.

 

Defeated.

 

 


2016 NFL Stock Report for Week 11

Written by :
Published on : November 15, 2016

 

Trump is president. The peso is at historic lows, foreign markets are in crisis. Financial confidence is in the gutter. But this is about football which is a nice break from reading insane facebook posts or cringing at the news. So bust out the ticker and let’s check the stock report for week 11 of the 2016 NFL season.

 

Trending up

– Dak Prescott, QB Dallas Cowboys

They should call him NASDAQ Prescott cause this dude is money. He’s only thrown 2 picks compared to 14 TD’s in 9 games and has shown some real skills. While Tony Romo slipped a disc just watching from the sidelines.

 

– Miami Dolphins

They have won 4 in a row, found a running game behind Jay Ajayi and things are starting to click. It’s amazing how quick things can turnaround when you can run the ball. Now if they could just do something about those uniforms.

 

– Kansas City Chiefs

 

Since starting 2-2, the Chiefs have ripped off 5 wins and are in the hunt for a postseason birth. This is a balanced football team that everyone should stop sleeping on. You hear me beauty?

 

– Tennessee Titans

Titans are only 5-5 but their last win was a decisive one over Green Bay where they rumbled to a 47-25 victory. They broke big play after big play. This team has the tools to play challenger to Houston. That was a space joke.

 

Trending down

– Cleveland Browns

0-10. Maybe looking at 0-16. I don’t want to keep throwing acid on the baby (as they say) and continue to make fun of Cleveland but this franchise needs help and it will take years before anything changes. It’s plain sad.

 

– Minnesota Vikings

What a mess. Started 5-0, then went 0-4. Injuries piling up and three tough games looming. Fans are trying to cope. It’s so bad that even Hillary feels for them.

 

– Green Bay Packers

 

4-5, lost last 3. Can’t run the ball, leaky secondary and an unfriendly schedule the rest of the way out. Cheese futures are dropping like mad. You can get a wedge of aged cheddar for kraft single prices.

 

– San Francisco 49ers

This squad is really bad but I’m not even sure coach Chip Kelly is on the hot seat despite being 1-8. There is no talent on the offensive roster and the only reason people talk about them is to see who is taking a knee.

 

– Pittsburgh Steelers

Losers of 4 straight, the Black and Yellow need to figure it out, fast. They are still very much alive in the AFC North but the players at Heinz Field need to ketchup.

 

 

That’s your full stock report. Buy gold, watch The Wolf of Wall Street and make the money. If all else fails, invest in an independent film. It’s bulletproof.

 

Greed.

 

 


Blackout Bruno’s NFL picks for week 10

Written by :
Published on : November 8, 2016

 

Just woke up after a long Sunday night of celebrating that insane Lions win. Is this even real life? My brain is moving a little slow but all I need is a little hair of the dog that bit me and I’m ready to talk football. After a few sessions of guesses, my alcohol infused record is 17-11-1 (8-6 in week 5 and 9-5-1 in week 7). Let’s get to the week 10 picks.

 

Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens

Sorry Browns but this isn’t your time. Maybe week 11 will see you get your first win of the year. Ravens defense is too good and they win a low scoring affair thanks to some Justin Tucker field goals.

Winner: Baltimore

 

Kansas City Chiefs at Carolina Panthers

 

If this was in KC then it would be a no-brainer but Carolina is playing for their season and is looking to string some wins together. I still think the Chiefs are a much more solid team overall. A close one.

Winner: Kansas City

 

Denver Broncos at New Orleans Saints

Broncos rebound after their divisional loss to the Raiders by coming into the Super Dome and shutting down Drew Brees and his offense. Broncos run the ball for over 150 yards and grind out a big victory.

Winner: Denver

 

Los Angeles Rams at New York Jets

The Jets are in trouble. Time to sit QB Fitzpatrick and see what they have in the youngster Petty. The Rams will be all over the new signal caller and sack him multiple times.

Winner: Los Angeles

 

Green Bay Packers at Tennessee Titans

 

I’d love to see the Pack lose, and it’s totally possible because they aren’t playing very inspired football right now but Aaron Rodgers will rally his troops and should be able to shred the Titans secondary.

Winner: Green Bay

 

Atlanta Falcons at Philadelphia Eagles

The battle of the birds. This high flying matchup will have over 55 combined points and will make for some great tv. The balanced attack of the Falcons gives them the edge and Philly drops another close game.

Winner: Atlanta

 

Minnesota Vikings at Washington R-words

The Vikings have lost 3 in a row coming into this week. Washington is good squad with skill in every unit. If Minnesota can’t find a way to get some rushing first downs then they are in trouble because QB Sam Bradford isn’t really made to throw it 40-50 times a game.

Winner: Washington

 

Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars

 

The AFC South stinks but Houston is the clear leader. They run all over the Jags to set up play-action throws to WR Hopkins. Jacksonville QB Bortles tries to make a late comeback but gives the ball away.

Winner: Houston

 

Chicago Bears at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Thank god the Cubs won so the city of Chicago doesn’t have to think about how bad the Bears are. I have no clue what the identity of the team is. They go on the road this Sunday against a Bucs crew that can score. Don’t expect it to be close.

Winner: Tampa Bay

 

Miami Dolphins at San Diego Chargers

Two of the harder teams to understand. Miami sits at .500 after winning 3 in a row on the back of rusher Jay Ajayi. Chargers are 4-5 and are competitive in every game. Another nail bitter but Melvin Gordon and Phillip Rivers find a way.

Winner: San Diego 

 

San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals

 

Cardinals are a lock. Palmer will find Fitzgerald, Nelson, Brown early and often. David Johnson will continue to run with authority and the 49ers will have almost no answer. This one will be a one-sided outing.

Winner: Arizona

 

Dallas Cowboys at Pittsburgh Steelers

Steelers better show up or else it will be ugly. The Cowboy ground game is too good behind that O-line. Elliot has another big day and Pittsburgh continues to slide.

Winner: Dallas

 

Seattle Seahawks at New England Patriots

Seahawks are finally overcoming their slump and playing well. Jimmy Graham has found his spot in the offense and Russell Wilson is slinging it once again. Even with all that, I still give the Pats the edge. They are at home and Brady is fire.

Winner: New England

 

Cincinnati Bengals at New York Giants

 

Bengals need the W and will come out fast but it looks like the G-men are finally starting to put it together. Eli limits the turnovers and OBJ finds pay dirt at home in week 10.

Winner: Giants

 

Another tough slate of matchups but it’s a no-stress week for me as my Lions are on Bye. And with that, we say goodbye. Also, would it kill you to buy a round every once in a while?

 

Drink it up.

 

 


Halloween Costume Ideas

Written by :
Published on : October 30, 2016

 

 

Halloween is right around the corner and I bet most of you lazy bones still don’t have a costume yet. No worries, let SBS scare up some ideas for you. All Hallows’ Eve is a wonderful holiday where you get to shock and delight your friends and neighbors with a spooky getup while stuffing your face with candy. What’s not to love? Here are a few sports related Halloween costume concepts that are easy to pull off and are sure to be a hit where ever you go.

 

Zom Brady

zom brady

 

All you need for this one is a New England Patriots jersey or shirt. Preferably something with number 12 on it. Doesn’t need to be official merch, head to the thrift store and find something that fits. You can borrow from a friend but there is a chance it may get stained so be careful. Next, get some corpse makeup and do your best to look undead. Maybe splatter fake blood across the jersey. This can also be modified as a couple’s costume. The Gisele or Gizombie costume is the same: Pat’s gear, corpse paint, hair down. When it doubt, add names to the back of the shirts. Also, group costume idea, get a third person to rock the Belichick hoodie.

 

Steph Curry

stepth MOUTHGUARDS

 

You don’t need insane handles and an unstoppable three to dress up as Steph Curry. It’s actually quite easy to imitate the Golden State Warriors star. All you need is a clear mouthguard which is available at any sporting goods store. Then, wait for someone to ask you what your costume is then put the mouthguard in then starting chewing on one end and see how quick your buds guess the answer.

 

Gordie Howl-at-the-moon

First step is simple. Some Red Wings attire (jersey or t-shirt). Unlike clam chowder, we prefer the red over the white. But if it’s available, by all means. Next, you need either a wolf mask (full rubber or plastic face with elastic band) or some decent fur and makeup. A hockey stick is a nice accessory but lugging it around can be a pain. Remember, you are going as a play-on-words. And no ones plays harder than Gordie Howe. So really sell it. Practice your howl and do it like Gordie would have.

 

Steve Bartman

bartman

 

The Cubs finally made it to a World Series, so we can all finally laugh about the Bartman incident. To pull this one off you need some eyeglasses, a solid blue Cubs hat, a black crew neck sweatshirt, a green turtle neck (for underneath the sweatshirt) and walkman with shitty 90’s style headphones. Any Chicago fan or serious sports nut will dig this look. But be carful, dress this way and Mike Bridenstine may take a swing at you.

 

All jokes aside, what could be scarier than being the quarterback for the Cleveland Browns? They are on their 6th QB in 7 games. Injury has taken them all out. Enough tricks already, these guys could use some treats. If you have a great costume idea then please leave it in the comments for everyone to enjoy. Send us all your sports Halloween costume photos and we will post them to our instagram.

 

Boo!

 

 


Blackout Bruno’s NFL picks for week 7

Written by :
Published on : October 18, 2016

 

 

My week 5 record was 8-6. Not great. But it’s a start and it’s something to build off. Now get your favorite uncle Bruno a drink and I’ll tell you the winners of NFL week 7.

 

Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers

The Bears aren’t very good, plus they have a short week of practice because they are playing on Thursday and it’s in Lambeau. All signs point to a double digit win for Green Bay. Rodgers throws 4 TDs and this one stops being competitive early.

Winner: Packers

 

New York Giants at Los Angeles Rams

 

Rams lost a close one to the Lions, while OBJ woke up for the G Men and racked up 222 yards and 2 TDs. I see both these trends continuing. New York wins after Odell Beckham Jr posts another monster performance. Los Angeles has one last shot at the end of the game but they come up short.

Winner: Giants

 

New Orleans Saints at Kansas City Chiefs

This is a tough one to call. The Saints are better than their 2-3 record suggests but it’s hard to earn a W in Arrowhead Stadium. It should be close but the KC defense holds Drew Brees in check and Jamaal Charles gets up to speed in a big way.

Winner: Chiefs

 

Minnesota Vikings at Philadelphia Eagles

This should be a low scoring affair because these are top defensive units. Vikings have the best D in the league but the Philly crew has also been excellent. Can’t pick against Minnesota the way they are playing. Don’t care where the game is.

Winner: Vikings

 

Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans

 

I keep thinking Tennessee is weak and picking against them, and they keep proving me wrong. Well, I’m turning the corner on the Titans. They run all over the porous Indy defense and win a close one despite Andrew Luck’s late-game heroics.

Winner: Titans

 

Buffalo Bills at Miami Dolphins

Miami is hot garbage. They somehow beat the Steelers but I still don’t believe in them. The Bills have a legit D and enough weapons to score the points they need against a Dolphins crew that can’t get out of it’s own way. I still don’t understand how a roster that loaded plays so poorly.

Winner: Bills

 

Washington at Detroit Lions

I’m super hesitant to pick Detroit to win but Stafford is playing at an elite level right now. He has 7 TDs and 0 INTs in the last two games. Washington comes to Detroit on a four game winning streak but Stafford out duels Cousins who throws 2 picks in the loss.

Winner: Lions

 

Cleveland Browns at Cincinnati Bengals

 

The Browns are a dumpster fire. They are the last bad team in Cleveland. Maybe the Browns didn’t get the message that the city’s teams were going to stop sucking. The Bengals win the battle of Ohio with a balanced attack that Cleveland can’t stop.

Winner: Bengals

 

Oakland Raiders at Jacksonville Jaguars

Oakland is coming off a loss and should get back on track against a Jags team that isn’t scoring many points. Jacksonville has won their last two games but a weak running game makes them too one dimensional for a balanced Raider crew.

Winner: Raiders

 

Baltimore Ravens at New York Jets

The Jets do not look good. Their QB throws the ball away, they have trouble running the ball and their secondary gets burned deep regularly. Baltimore loves the deep ball. Joe Flacco has a field day and torches the jets who fall to 1-6.

Winner: Ravens

 

San Diego Chargers at Atlanta Falcons

 

San Diego always seems to be in this rough spot of having tons of injuries and losing close games in the 4th quarter. The Falcons on the other hand are flying high and finding success in all levels of the game. Atlanta should smash the Chargers at home.

Winner: Falcons

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at San Francisco 49ers

Tampa is better than I think most give them credit for. They have talent on both sides of the ball and they are facing a 49ers team that doesn’t do much effectively. No matter who the QB is, San Fransisco will turn over the ball and the Bucs will turn that into easy points.

Winner: Buccaneers

 

New England Patriots at Pittsburgh Steelers

This should have been the best game of the week 7. But QB Ben Roethlisberger is out with a knee injury and that changes everything. Tom and the boys will have their way with the Steelers on their home field.

Winner: Patriots

 

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals

 

Arizona started the year slowly but are finally rolling. David Johnson continues to prove he is one of the league’s most complete backs. Seattle is a good football team and this divisional matchup should be a great game. Johnson, the ground game and playing at home should give the Cards the edge.

Winner: Cardinals

 

Houston Texans at Denver Broncos

AKA “the Brock Bowl.” QB Osweiler left Denver for Houston in the offseason. Time for Brock to prove he made the right choice (beyond the huge payday). A hard fought battle but the Broncos defense at home will be too much to handle.

Winner: Broncos

 

 

That’s it. Nap time. Wake me when the pizza gets here. Or if the house is on fire. But please don’t disturb me for any other reason.

 

Liver spots.

 

 


Blackout Bruno’s NFL picks for week 5

Written by :
Published on : October 5, 2016

 

It’s late and I’ve had a few. Let’s go over the upcoming matchups in the NFL and I’ll tell you who is going to win. This is Blackout Bruno’s picks for week 5.

 

 

Arizona Cardinals at San Francisco 49ers

Both are 1-3 but someone has to win. Carson Palmer may not play after leaving with a concussion last Sunday, so look for a steady diet of David Johnson running the ball. 49ers D won’t have an answer.

Winner: Cardinals

 

New England Patriots at Cleveland Browns

Tom Brady’s first game back from suspension. Tom will play angry and the offense will score early and often. This shouldn’t even be close.

Winner: Patriots

 

Philadelphia Eagles at Detroit Lions

 

Two squads trending in the opposite directions. The Lions can’t stop anybody and Wentz and crew are full of confidence. Even at home, Lions won’t do enough to beat a fresh Philly team coming off their bye.

Winner: Eagles

 

Chicago Bears at Indianpolis Colts

Two flawed teams. I see lots of points and a close one but Andrew Luck gets the ball last and drives the field for the game winning score.

Winner: Colts

 

Tennessee Titans at Miami Dolphins

I don’t like either side. Titans can run the ball but the Fins are at home. Miami’s passing game should be able to get rolling versus a weak Tennessee secondary.

Winner: Dolphins

 

Houston Texans at Minnesota Vikings

 

Minnesota’s defense is at the top of their game. Houston has some play makers but not enough fire power to win on the road. Watch for Bradford to find TE Rudolph for another TD and the Vikings to stay undefeated.

Winner: Vikings

 

New York Jets at Pittsburgh Steelers

Jets defense is giving up a lot of points and QB Ryan Fitzpatrick keeps throwing the ball away. The Steelers on the other hand, are coming off a big win and want to keep that momentum going at home.

Winner: Steelers

 

Washington at Baltimore Ravens

This should be close but the Ravens are solid enough in all three phases of the game that they edge it out. I see Kirk Cousins throwing a late pick and then kicker Justin Tucker will seal it for Baltimore.

Winner: Ravens

 

Atlanta Falcons at Denver Broncos

 

I like Atlanta’s balanced attack but asking anyone to win in Denver seems like quite the task. Denver runs well enough to go play-action for a few scores. Matt Ryan makes a late 4th quarter comeback but falls short.

Winner: Broncos

 

Cincinnati Bengals at Dallas Cowboys

I went back and forth on this one. The Bengals should be able to score enough points to put pressure on the rookies (Prescott and Elliot) of the Dallas offense. This extra pressure leads to some turnovers that will ultimately decide the contest.

Winner: Bengals

 

San Diego Chargers at Oakland Raiders

Is it finally time for Oakland to shine? They have a good young QB, a variety of offensive options and are 3-0 on the road. I see them getting their first home win over a Chargers team that is still finding themselves.

Winner: Raiders

 

Buffalo Bills at Los Angeles Rams

 

Another total crapshoot. Who knows? The Rams are somehow 3-1 after their week 1 blowout loss. The Bills just beat the Pats at home. Still not sold on either. I’ll give the edge to my adopted second team, Go Rams.

Winner: Rams

 

New York Giants at Green Bay Packers

The Packers are coming off their bye and are playing at home plus their D line is shutting down the run. All bad signs for New York. Throw in Odell Beckham Jr’s uneven play and it doesn’t look good for the G-men.

Winner: Packers

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers

Tampa beat Atlanta in week 1, and Atlanta just took apart Carolina, so by the power of bullshit transitivity (joking this never works in sports) the Bucs the win. Honestly, Cam Newton may be out and that D is not what it was last year.

Winner: Buccaneers

 

 

Take what I say with a grain of salt. Or a salted rimmed margarita. Or a pitcher of margaritas. Okay, that’s all for now. I’m going to pass out. Who knows what week Blackout Bruno will return.

 

Broken picker.

 

 


Overreaction: NFL Week 2

Written by :
Published on : September 20, 2016

 

 

Week 2 is over. The 2016 season is officially off and running. Some would say it’s still too early to know anything about the identity of teams but those people have obliviously never met me. Listen up while I spout off wild, speculative snap judgements on all 32 NFL teams after only two games completed.

 

– The Bills are 0-2 and their season is already over. It was fun while it lasted Buffalo. Maybe they should have let Rock Star Bon Jovi buy the team a few years back.Well, better luck next time. Living on Prayer.

 

– The Jets offense is great as long as Matt Forte stays healthy and keeps moving them down the field. Without him, this team is doomed to be a sub .500 unit.

 

– The league office still hates the Detroit Lions. The conspiracy continues. In the 15-16 loss to the Titans, the Honolulu Blue and Silver were flagged 17 times for 138 yards. None worse than the two fantom calls that negated TD’s on back-to-back plays. Those calls completely changed the landscape of the game.

 

 

– The Titans are now 1-1 but this crew showed me little to make me believe in them. They exploited a super injury-weakened Lions D and scored some late points but that seems more situational than skill. It was mostly just smart play calling. I’m obviously still salty about this but this team sucks plain and simple.

 

– The Panthers got back on track in week 2 with a solid performance against the 49ers. Cam had 4 TD’s with two going to Kelvin Benjamin. This offense is even better than last year because Benjamin is back. Panthers look bound for another deep playoff run.

 

– San Fransisco blew out the Rams last week and no one knew what to make of them, but hanging with Carolina tells me they are more complete than most think. They leave the bottom of the barrel of last campaign and join the blurry middle of the pack.

 

– The Cincinnati Bengals cannot beat the Steelers. They melted down in the playoffs last year and failed again at Heinz field this Sunday. Marvin Lewis needs to figure a way to slay this dragon or else they might never get Andy Dalton that postseason win.

 

– The Steelers are legit. They score bunches of points and this is all without star running back Le’Veon Bell. If Big Ben stays off IR than the steel city boys are eyeing another division crown and maybe a meeting with the Patriots in the conference finals.

 

 

– Speaking of the AFC North, the 0-2 Cleveland Browns still suck. What’s new? Week 3 may see the Browns start their third QB of the year. Ouch. This team is done. Go hang out with the Bills. Your year is over.

 

– Baltimore is 2-0, sounds great but they barely came back against Cleveland and squeaked by Buffalo week 1. Two close wins against the worst of the NFL does not inspire confidence.

 

– Washington is 0-2 after losses to Dallas and Pittsburgh. Kirk Cousins is playing on the Franchise Tag trying to prove he is worth a big contract. So far, he hasn’t shown that moxie of 2015. Things better turnaround quick or the D.C. area may have to start rebuilding, again.

 

– The Cowboys got their first win with rookies Dak Prescott at QB and Ezikel Elliot at RB. This young team is lead by that great offensive line but I don’t see them going too far with all that inexperience running the show.

 

– Giants are looking good. I talked shit about them before but at 2-0 they are now the favorites to win the NFC East. The defense has played well and they have showed guts in two close contests.

 

 

– The Saints are winless. It feels like the same story every year with these guys. They can score lots of points and Drew Brees keeps it close but they can’t string the W’s together. No chance at the playoffs.

 

– The Miami Dolphins. A squad full of talent and names that never seems to be able to put it all together. Another slow start at 0-2 and Arian Foster is already dealing with health issues. Call the nurse, we have another dead team. Sorry not Sorry.

 

– The New England Patriots are undefeated and playing without Gronk or Brady. Their next two games are at home and untested rookie, Jacoby Brissett, may start at QB for the injured Jimmy Garoppolo. If the Pats are ever going to lose, it may be next week against Houston, but after that, they will probably run the table. As per usual.

 

– The Houston Texans will win the AFC South. They are 2-0 and the most complete team in the division. I’m sure JJ Watt can’t wait to introduce himself to Brissett on Thursday night.

 

– Kansas City Chiefs are a hard team to read. They beat the Chargers week 1 but lost to the Texans. They will hang around the Wild Card spot most of the year only to drop off at the end.

 

 

– The Los Angeles Rams are one of the worst teams in the league. It pains me to type that because they are now my second favorite. It’s a mystery how they beat Seattle but it was a 9-3 ugly affair. They should start planning their draft picks now.

 

– The Seahawks are 1-1 after that bizarre game with L.A. that saw injuries to Thomas Rawls, Tyler Lockett and Russell Wilson. Russ stayed in the game but was clearly ailing. Seattle will weather the storm and make a serious push for the playoffs.

 

– Arizona lost a close one with the Pats in week 1 and took their anger out on the Bucs in week 2. This is a solid team top to bottom. They will be hosting a postseason game. Hopefully Carson Palmer can last that long.

 

– Tampa Bay is 1-1. They have some nice pieces across the roster but don’t get too excited. They are not ready for prime time. Maybe they can finish second in the NFC South. No postseason though.

 

– Jacksonville Jaguars were a breakout pick from many talking heads in the sports world. I’ll admit they have many promising players but they still suck.

 

 

– San Diego Chargers are once again battling the injury bug. Already, key starters Keenan Allen and Danny Woodhead are done for the year. This trend will unfortunately continue because that’s what happens in San Diego.

 

– The Falcons sit at 1-1. Matty Ice leads an even attack that is more than effective but the lack of close out defense will limit Atlanta’s potential. No playoffs for you, one year.

 

– The Raiders have all the tools needed to make the postseason and they will finally punch their ticket this year. Move over Warriors, Oakland’s true love is going to the dance for the first time since 2002.

 

– The Colts can’t stop anybody so they will keep losing. They are 0-2 and have zero chance of winning their division.

 

– Broncos will be playing without DeMarcus Ware for a bit but it’s okay, that defense is still so nasty that they will be in every game. Look for Denver to have another serious playoff run.

 

 

– Green Bay is 1-1 after a win over the Jags and a loss to the rival Vikings. Jordy Nelson doesn’t look 100% and Eddie Lacy is still fat. I hope and pray the wheels fall off but they will probably turn it around all over the my Lions this Sunday.

 

– The Sam Bradford project is working in Minnesota. The Vikings beat the Packers which is all you need to do to win over the locals. The team is 2-0 but may have lost Adrian Peterson for extended time. I still see them in the hunt for a Wild Card birth.

 

– Carson Wentz looks good in two games. The Eagles are 2-0 and those monsters in Philly must be smiling. Just wait for some adversity and those cheers will turn to boos. The Eagles can’t keep this up.

 

– Bears are really bad. Jay Cutler is worse. And the schedule doesn’t get any easier. At least the Cubs are good.

 

Is it week 3 yet?

 

 


Preseason Questions for all 32 NFL Teams

Written by :
Published on : August 17, 2016

 

 

The sports gods have answered our prayers and brought NFL football back to us mortals. Huzzah! It’s only preseason action but it’s better than nothing. These early practice games are great because they give us a chance to see the team for the first time. Naturally, many questions will bubble to the surface about each squad. Will this rookie make an impact? Will this player stay healthy? Who will win the starting the job? There is tons of buzz out there but these are the big questions facing each NFL team. Find your favorite franchise below and see what they are dealing with.

 

AFC North

Browns – Can RGIII stay on the field for 16 games and be the QB Cleveland needs to move forward?

Steelers – Can this team stay healthy and out of jail?

Ravens – Will the defense improve enough to make them competitive again?

Bengals – Can Andy Dalton be the guy who takes them deep into postseason? Or just win one single  playoff game?

 

 

AFC East

Patriots – Can New England survive Tom Brady’s four game suspension under Jimmy Garoppolo and still win the division?

Dolphins – Will this squad ever play up to their potential?

Bills – How will Tyrod Taylor fare under center in his second year?

Jets – With Fitz back at QB, can the Jets score enough points to win games?

 

AFC South

Colts – Which Andrew Luck will we see? 2014 or 2015?

Jaguars – Is this the season everyone wakes up and believes in the Jags passing attack?

Titans – Tons of new pieces, how will they all work together?

Texans – Is Brock Oswieler really the guy?

 

brock osweiler

 

AFC West

Broncos – Will Mark Sanchez butt-fumble in Denver?

Chiefs – How long will Jamaal Charles last?

Chargers – Can anyone on the team stay off Injured Reserve?

Raiders – Can the Raiders finally get out of their own way?

 

NFC North

Lions – Can the o-line hold up so Stafford finally has some time?

Packers – Is Eddie Lacy too fat?

Bears – Why is Jay Cutler still there?

Vikings – Can AP carry them to another division title?

 

 

NFC East

Cowboys – Who will get hurt first: Tony Romo or Dez Bryant?

Giants – Is Eli Manning still good?

Eagles – What is the identity of this team? Seriously. And don’t say Sam Bradford.

Skins – Can Kirk Cousins keep up his play from the end of last year?

 

NFC South

Saints – Does Drew Brees have any tricks left up his sleeve?

Panthers – How does Cam respond to losing the Super Bowl? Is there any hangover?

Falcons – Can the defense figure out how to stop anyone?

Buccaneers – Bucs took a kicker in the 2nd round of the draft, how many misses before fans freak out?

 

 

NFC West

Cardinals – Is David Johnston really all that? And a bag of chips?

Niners – How much of a mess will the offense be under Chip Kelly?

Seahawks – Is this the year they start throwing Jimmy Graham the ball?

Rams – Can Todd Gurley keep up his dominance? Or will opposing defenses finally figure out how to stop him?

 

Real-deal NFL games are only a few weeks away. So close, I can almost taste it. The regular season starts Thursday, September 8th. Until then, let’s enjoy the rest of the preseason and hope no one gets badly injured. Leave any questions you may have in the comments.

 

Are you ready for some football?

 

 


A Mockery of the NFL Draft

Written by :
Published on : April 28, 2016

 

 

This is not a mock draft, it’s a mockery of the crazy draft coverage we have come to love and hate. If you want someone to guess who your team is going to choose then ask Mel Kiper. If you want football jokes then I’m your huckleberry. Most experts say that the best way to build a winner is through the draft and I generally agree. This list will address what each NFL franchise needs to become successful right now. Let’s get to it. The first team is on the clock:

 

1st – Los Angeles Rams

With the first pick in the 2016 NFL Draft, the Los Angeles Rams select a really good lawyer! This mid-level team just got bumped up to first class and I don’t know if they are ready for the off-the-field life in Los Angeles. I wouldn’t be surprised if at least two different Rams get into legal trouble this first year. Rams need a top flight legal team. It’s an investment in their future.

 

2nd – Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles should pick either Andy Reid or Donovan McNabb. Remember how solid they were back then? Like in the NFC Championship every year good. Maybe they just need Mrs. McNabb and some Campbell’s Chunky Chicken Noodle soup.

 

 

3rd – San Diego Chargers

Stem cells! Yup, that’s their pick. A giant vat of stem cells. I think they had 200 players go on season ending injured reserve last season. Ouch.  A few well-placed stem cell injections will have these guys back in the division race.

 

4th – Dallas Cowboys

Clones of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant. One of these guys (Tony) is always hurt. I think everyone in Texas would like to see a full year of them playing together.

 

5th – Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jags offensive unit is decent and has a core of young talent. Where they need help is on defense so I suggest drafting the Incredible Hulk. A great run stopper who can also rush the passer. You do not want to make him angry.

 

hulk

 

6th – Baltimore Ravens

Will Smith from Men in Black so he can use his memory-eraser thing to get America to forget about that Ray Rice elevator tape. This team can’t win until we all move on.

 

7th – San Francisco 49ers

A time machine. So the 49ers can go back just a few short years when they looked like the most stacked team in the league. Back when the city and management loved coach Harbaugh. They lost the Super Bowl and it all started to unravel.

 

8th – Cleveland Browns

A genie or a wizard. Someone magical. This squad needs spiritual help of the cosmic order to reverse the bad juju they carry into every game. I’d also take a voodoo priestess or witch if they had a quick enough 40 yard dash time.

 

9th – Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Johnny Depp. The ultimate Buccaneer, Mr. Captain Jack Sparrow himself! They try so hard to act pirate at those home games. But they never win much. Some star power could turn that all around.

 

jack sparrow

 

10th – New York Giants

A hair stylist for Odell Beckham Jr. He is the best player on the team and you want to build around your greatest assets. OBJ has fantastic hair and that could use some full-time attention.

 

11th – Chicago Bears

Anyone to replace Jay Cutler. Literally anyone. Do you know a guy?

 

12th – New Orleans Saints

Jimmy Graham. I don’t how they ever let their version of Gronk leave. But since then, their offense has been missing something. I’m sure Brees would love it.

 

13th – Miami Dolphins

LeBron James. It helped the Heat win a championship. I mean if Dan Marino can’t win one then Ryan Tannehill has no chance at a ring without some serious assistance. If James brought his talents to South Beach then I could see the Phins winning not one, not two, not three but 18 championships.

 

 

14th – Oakland Raiders

A moving van to get them to Los Angeles. I don’t know what they are waiting for? There are millions of fans in LA who would greet them with open arms. Plus they can join the Rams and play at their new stadium. Oakland has no cash for a new building so this seems like a no-brainer.

 

15th – Tennessee Titans

A real Titan. I’m talking the enemy of Zeus and the other Greek Gods. Huge, elemental terrors that can destroy a city in an instant. Hopefully, this rookie will help lower opposing offenses 3rd down completion percentages.

 

16th – Detroit Lions

Sonic the Hedgehog. Many fans want to see O Line improvements but that can be addressed in later rounds. The Lions must deal with the retirement of Calvin Johnson by drafting a speedy receiver who can take the top off the defense. Plus he’d look good in those blue and silver uniforms.

 

sonic

 

17th – Atlanta Falcons

Rick from The Walking Dead. He’s from Atlanta so the fans will love him, plus he will do WHATEVER it takes to win. You got to have guts to play in the NFL and Rick Grimes knows guts.

 

18th – Indianapolis Colts

A new kidney for Andrew Luck.

 

19th – Buffalo Bills

Buffalo Bill, the serial killer from Silence of the Lambs. Also knows as John Grant, Jack Gordon or Jame Gumb. This guy is a sneaky pick because he can play multiple rolls, has that killer instinct and should not be underestimated. Also the name thing is kind of perfect.

 

jame Gumb

 

20th – New York Jets

Jets could use a new QB but I think they should get Donald Trump to act as owner, GM and coach. Maybe QB too if he is up to it. Trump already reps NYC hard and claims to make “the best deals” so it should be a perfect fit.

 

21st – Washington (offensive name omitted)

A new owner. Dan Synder sucks bad. Change your racist team name already.

 

22nd – Houston Texans

A body guard for Brock Osweiler. Management gave this guy tons of money so nothing can happen to him or they are screwed. This organization is acting like they are a good QB away from a deep playoff run. If Brock is the guy then you must keep him safe.

 

23rd – Minnesota Vikings

The big dragon from Game of Thrones. This is a controversial choice because the beast could do some harm to Minnesota but I think the Vikings are the one team that could maybe work with the dragon and find some success. This is for sure a boom or bust pick but the upside is colossal.

 

GOT dragon

 

24th – Cincinnati Bengals

This one is easy. Much like the Giants, the Bengals need to help the stars they have. I’m talking about getting some hair dye for Andy Dalton. I know being a ginger is his thing but no redhead has ever won the big game. It could be that simple. Hair dye.

 

25th – Pittsburgh Steelers

Cyborg reconstruction for Ben Roethlisberger. This guy is the heart and soul of the team but I’m suggesting replacing is heart and soul with cold steel. Help Big Ben stay on the field for all 16 games plus the postseason. Think somewhere between The Six Million Dollar Man and Robocop. Dead or alive, we’re going to the playoffs.

 

26th – Seattle Seahawks

Seahawks are still hurting from their SB loss to the Pats back in February, 2015. So they should draft Doctor Frasier Crane from Frasier and Cheers. He could help heal their bruised egos and get them back to fighting form. Goodnight Seattle.

 

 

27th – Green Bay Packers

These guys always have great drafts so I’m not going to even offer joke advice for them. I hope they take kickers in every round.

 

28th – Kansas City Chiefs

KC needs a suitcase full of cash to bribe the commissioner so they can leave the AFC West and instead join the much less fierce AFC South. They could switch places with the Houston Texans and that will create an easy path to the playoffs on a more regular basis.

 

29th – New England Patriots

The Pats lost this pick for cheating. So with their second round choice they get a rule book. You dirty cheaters.

 

30th – Arizona Cardinals

A real Cardinal from the Vatican. Maybe their sacrilegious name has been keeping them back. If they finally get the blessing they need from the Catholic church then a Lombardi trophy could be in store.

 

FrancisCards

 

31st – Carolina Panthers

This crew is already fairly loaded but the reason they lost the Super Bowl was because of the pressure from Von Miller and the other members of the Broncos D, so an offensive lineman seems like a good fit. WWE Super Star Brock Lesner would fill in great at either Tackle or Guard.

 

32nd – Denver Broncos

A young Peyton Manning. With old Peyton retiring and Osweiler leaving, the team is in the lurch. They need a signal caller with some promise and no one seems like a better fit than young Peyton, or maybe young Elway.

 

 

Tell me who you wish your team would select in the comments below.

 

Draft dodger.

 

 


Support Us
Support ScoreBoredSports on patreon!

patreon-medium-button
Sponsors

Hide Error message here!

Forgot your password?

Error message here!

Error message here!

Hide Error message here!

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link to create a new password.

Error message here!

Back to log-in

Close