Who will be the next NFL player to head to the broadcast booth?

Written by :
Published on : May 16, 2017

 

 

As you’ve all heard by now, Tony Romo and Jay Cutler have decided that since no team wants them as their signal caller, they will head to the broadcast booth. The decision by these two long time NFL QBs has caused a bit of a stir in the pro football world. Many people, myself included, think that it’s a great fit for Romo since he is a pretty likable guy who seems to get along with everyone. Cutler, on the other hand, is a bit more controversial considering most people, myself included, can’t stand the guy. Where Romo seems like the kind of guy your parents would love, Cutler seems like the guy who would come into your parents house reeking like cigarette smoke and refuse to look your father in the eye or say hi to your mother.

 

While Jay Cutler as a color commentator is outright ridiculous for a guy who seemingly has one of the worst personalities in all of football, the pick of Tony Romo seems as safe as white bread. I think the broadcast community can do a lot better than both of those guys. Here are a few current NFL players who I think would be much better choices to head up to the booth once their careers are over.

 

Marshawn Lynch

When you think of Marshawn Lynch you might think about ridiculous broken tackles, long TD runs or even his hatred of the media, but hear me out for a second. Despite his late-career antics with the press, he has always been pretty funny in front of the cameras. He may have shunned the spotlight in recent years but for enough money I think that the right crew could get the most out of him as a commentator. Beast Mode has never lacked in the personality department and if you don’t believe me just watch this video of him visiting Scotland. It’s clear that in the right setting he thrives and is pretty damn entertaining. With the right team around him (more on that later), it could be ratings gold.

 

 

Michael Bennett

This one makes the most sense. Michael Bennett is everything that you could ever want in a television personality. He is intelligent, witty, funny, charismatic and a total weirdo. He always has something to say and when he opens his mouth, it’s usually something that people talk about. Michael Bennett is like the Hunter S. Thompson of pro athletes; he’s socially conscious with a flair for the unorthodox. Bennett would be a better color guy than Jay Cutler could ever hope to be and he wouldn’t be afraid to take the NFL or society at-large to task if he saw something he perceived as wrong. Bennett has opinions for days and the broadcast media would be wise to try to get him on camera once his playing days are done.

 

 

Rob Gronkowski

Rob Gronkowski represents the big, dumb, wide-eyed kid in all of us. For that reason, one has to believe that he has a future in television once he can no longer weather the constant storm of injuries that has plagued him for most of his career. I can’t speak to his analytical abilities but much like the rest of these guys, he has got personality in buckets. Gronk is the type of person that seems like he can have a good time no matter where he is and I’m sure that would translate to the broadcast booth. I envision him as a Charles Barkley type; he might not always know what he’s talking about but he will definitely make it entertaining. Maybe we can hook Gronk up with Marshawn who can be the Shaq to his Charles. Take a look at the two on camera together and tell me it’s not a match made in heaven.

 

 

The NFL media juggernaut would do well to try to bring any of these guys into the fold once their playing days are over. If they’re lucky they will lock down all three. Who would you like to see in the booth after they walk off the field for the final time? Leave your ideas in the comments below and see if you can think of anyone better than these guys.

 

 


3 sports cliches that need to be retired

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Published on : May 10, 2016

 

There are a handful of really tired sports idioms that keep getting used for some reason. These are usually bad metaphors mixed with clunky coach speak. Terrible sports writers and analysts keep these crummy pieces of verbiage alive but we should just all agree to let them die. Here are three sports cliches that need to be retired ASAP.

 

1. Nut up or shut up

Nut up

 

First off, gross. Second off, lame. Who coined this? It is just the ugly stepbrother of “go big or go home” which is kind of fun in a surfer/skater way but that’s it. I don’t want to hear the word “nut” in any game unless we are talking about a squirrel mascot. Plus, I don’t know who you are but don’t tell me to shut up. I never shut up. Ask my friends. I’m going to keep not shutting up for the rest of this article.

 

2. Giving 110% (or any variation on this, 150%, 200%, etc)

110

 

This is true John Madden nonsense. It’s corny, overused and illogical. Obviously, we understand the meaning here of giving your all, but the higher the percentage you quote, the dumber you sound. I don’t traditionally defend math but come on, have a brain. And If you are going to nerd out then you better be right. Or go the opposite way and exaggerate comically. But the ‘try harder’ message of this truly bothers me. So stop it.

 

3. Be a man

Be a man

 

Besides the fact that this is a weak statement, the expression is rooted in misogyny which makes it total garbage. The trouble with stuff like this is that most people don’t pay attention to what language they use and many end up supporting some outdated prejudice. I’ve probably even used it before. Well, no longer. Beyond that, it isn’t even real advice. It’s mostly a proclamation from the speaker about their own ego and how fragile their sense of manhood is. An emotional coward with a child’s vocabulary. Be a man? Read a book. Dick.

 

I never want to hear any of these again. Please and thank you. There are tons of folksy expressions and clever tags that I truly love, and we should all be encouraged to expand our linguistic horizons. Not just copy and paste the same bullshit over and over. What sports talk cliches drive you up the wall? Drop your most hated in the comments.

 

 

The fat lady sings.

 

 


World rejoices as Skip Bayless says he is leaving ESPN

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Published on : April 29, 2016

 

ESPN’s resident loudmouth moron, Skip Bayless, has announced that he will be leaving the network once his contract expires in August. This joyous news comes a day after that very sad news that Mike Tirico will also be leaving ESPN. The loss of Tirico hurts, especially to fans of Monday Night Football, but the Bayless departure definitely seems like addition by subtraction for the network.

 

Skip is the most recent in a long line of onscreen personalities that have departed the worldwide leader in sports. They’ve also lost Bill Simmons, Colin Cowherd and the intolerant schmuck, Curt Schilling. But Bayless is the only one I’m truly happy about. His opinions have been so ludicrous for so long that it’s getting pretty tired. Let’s take a quick look at some of his Twitter posts as evidence of his high level of clown-ery

 

 

If I was in charge at ESPN, I would be eternally grateful for the departure of someone with so little knowledge of sports. I mean seriously, what the hell is this dudes deal? And if his ridiculously off base sports tweets weren’t enough, he’s also been known to make some pretty tasteless jokes. Like this gem right here:

 

Apparently he also thinks that domestic violence is just hilarious. Good to know. Rumor has it that he’ll be moving to Fox Sports. May the Lord have mercy on their viewers. Maybe I’m being too hard on ol’ Skipper. Let’s see what some other people think about his departure from ESPN.  

 

 

So it doesn’t look like the masses are exactly up in arms about the whole thing. The only sad part is that now Stephen A. Smith isn’t going to have anyone to yell at. And that’s a shame because without an outlet for his aggression, his brain will probably explode. You know what? We should probably just ship Stephen A. off with Skip too. It’s only right.

 

Let’s all be thankful that Skip Bayless is gone and hope that he decides to take a nice, long vacation before he returns to the world of sports broadcasting.

 

 


Best Announcers in Sports

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Published on : February 15, 2016

 

Many of the great moments in sports history have an equally great piece of announcing paired with it. Like a nice piece of fish with a light, dry white wine. Yum. Often those choice words are forever tied with some of our favorite memories. This makes the announcer a vital part of the viewing experience. There have been some truly talented professionals who have lent their voices to help bring the game to that next level. But who are the best sports announcers ever?

 

I’m sure every market has their star but this is the list of the all-time beasts of the broadcaster’s booth. Many of the names below have decades of work under their belts and are the definitive sound associated with some of the game’s most popular teams.

 

Harry Caray

 

The longtime Chicago Cubs announcer is permanently etched into the sports brain of America. They have bronze a statue of him outside of Wrigley Field. They don’t do that for most. Will Ferrell famously played him in many sketches on SNL and killed the impression. I can’t even think about this without laughing.

 

Dick Vitale

 

I’ve mentioned this before, but Dicky V is the beginning and end of the conversation on college basketball announcing. He is essential. Like the hardwood or the ball. It’s not March Madness without him. It all comes down to his energy. You can really tell he loves the game and his job. That kind of passion is contagious. Plus he makes up hilarious one-liners.

 

Joe Rogan

 

The UFC has grown leaps and bounds over the last few years and all with the help of Rogan. He is one of the ambassadors of their sport and is probably more responsible for their success than he gets credit for. His time on Fear Factor helped him learn the host format and made him an accessible character to viewers. It doesn’t hurt that he is pro comic. Either way, keep it up Joe.

 

Don Cherry

don cherry

 

The best dressed man in Canada, hell maybe the whole world. The photo above is just a sampling of his great taste in clothes. Google it when you have time. But Cherry isn’t just a pretty suit, he is hockey. I heard Barry Melrose say he could become Prime Minister if he ever ran. No joke, he knows the game better than anyone and hockey is lucky to have him.

 

Pat Summerall

 

Most folks know him from the 22 years he was teamed with John Madden as they covered the NFL. Madden gets the fame with the video game but I was always preferred Pat. John was kind of loud and had clumsy analogies while Summerall was the steady hand on the ship.

 

Mike Tirico

 

I don’t care much for most of the current NFL commentators but Tirico is a breathe of fresh air with his even and insightful tone. He never seems to play favorites or push a personal agenda. But his enthusiasm is genuine. Many of his colleagues could learn from him.

 

Ernie Harwell

 

My hometown colors are shinning through but this is an easy heart pick. My early Detroit Tigers memories are all narrated by Mr. Harwell. That voice was baseball for me. When you don’t go to a ton of games the radio broadcast becomes important and Ernie had a real flair for describing the action. We also have a bronze statue of him at Comerica Park.

 

Vin Scully

 

Keeping with the classic baseball theme, we move to Los Angeles and the voice of Dodger baseball. Scully started with the Dodgers in 1950 and still works with them today. That’s an insane run. Hats off. Keep it up Vin. Maybe LA can finally get that World Series they’ve been chasing.

Bob Costas

 

Costas is all over the world of sports. He focuses on MLB and Olympics but has covered NHL, NBA, NFL, Boxing, Golf, and Thoroughbred Racing. Bob Costas is just a sports nerd and I mean that in the best way. You can tell he is just as pumped to report as he is to watch the event.

 

Chick Hearn

hearn 2

 

Los Angeles Laker Legend. Hearn called a consecutive 3,338 games going from 1965-2001. He passed in 2002. RIP. His wit and candor made him a staple in LA. He coined many phrases that are part of the fabric of basketball. Things like “air ball”, “slam dunk”, and “charity stripe” are all Chick. He basically invented the clever banter style that all the SportsCenter crew uses.

Howard Cosell

 

That iconic voice. Every sports fan has a bad version of this impression. It’s all in the diction and pacing. I can still remember the joke from the strange 80’s comedy Better Off Dead where the one kid only learned English from watching sports and sounds just like Cosell. Classic. That’s how you know you’ve made it.

 

 

Did we leave off your favorite announcer? Leave it in the comments. Also, be on the look out for the follow up piece on “Worst Announcers in Sports.” Will Dennis Miller make the cut? Keep reading to find out.

 

Have a great Monday.

 

 


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