Roger Pretzel’s Review ‘n Brew: Week 3

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Published on : October 2, 2015



In this little corner Roger Pretzel will review his favorite play of the week along with a thoughtful review of what beverage he was imbibing at the time.



Week 3: Steve Smith Sr. Makes Big Catch, Breaks Tackles, Takes it to the House




Old man Steve Smith certainly lives up to his “senior” suffix, but damned if he’s still not one of the most fun receivers in the league to watch. A gutsy move by the Ravens offense to go for it on 4th and 5 leads to Smith pivoting back and saving the drive for a first down. But Senior wasn’t done yet: he then twists away from Reggie Nelson, pushes past an Emmanuel Lamur hit, evades a diving tackle from George Iloka, and guns it past Dre Kirkpatrick who can only manage to bring down Smith past the pylon. No way Kirkpatrick was gonna catch gramps when he’s got his blood up like that. Later on in the game the cameras showed Smith getting some IV treatment on the sidelines, because he’s more machine than man now. It’s a shame that this play of the week came on a losing effort, and it’s even more of a shame that Smith has announced his retirement at the end of the season.


Week 3: Bartles and Jaymes – Various Flavors


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Woo-wee! After that much excitement I needed to wet my whistle, so naturally I reached for a peach flavored malt beverage cooler made by the biggest names in the biz: Bartles and Jaymes. Ah, that sweet and fruity drank was just the thing to get my Sunday off the ground. Pretty soon a bunch of guys in board shorts and white blazers showed up along with a bunch of girls in bikini tops, cut off jeans, and flip-flops. My living room started to get a little crowded. A guy wearing sunglasses and a puka shell necklace handed me another B & J, this time it was a “Classic Original” bursting with flavor!


B and J classic


There was only one thing I could do to take this impromptu party to the next level. I picked up my trusty saxophone and let out a huge bellowing note. Cocaine exploded everywhere out of the instrument’s horn-end and the crowd went nuts.


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Next thing I knew, I was sharing an “Exotic Berry” flavor B & J with a guy named Larry Sapperstein who claimed to be a lawyer. Sure enough he was a lawyer, because he gave me a business card that said so. I learned a lot about offshore bank accounts in the Cayman Islands.


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As I watched the sun dip below the ocean horizon on the beach, I had a nightcap of “Orange Sunset” flavoring and passed out.


I woke up on my living room floor with a terrible headache. The couch and carpet were littered with empty Bartles and Jaymes bottles and my wife was really mad at me. There was no evidence of a party. I don’t even own a saxophone. I sheepishly cleaned up the bottles. It had all been a dream. Or was it? Later on I found Larry Sapperstein’s business card in the pocket of my swim trunks. Stranger things have happened when the B & J gets unleashed.



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