The first reports after the big game were that superstar quarterback, Tom Brady, was missing the jersey he wore during his record setting fifth Super Bowl win. The story goes that after the Patriots’ insane comeback overtime win, Tom went to the locker room with the team. The guys changed out of their uniforms and donned their new champs t-shirts then returned to the field for the trophy ceremony. Brady claims that he left the prized jersey in his bag, at his locker. Later, Tom came back and could not find his number 12 uni.
Now, there are no security cameras in the locker rooms and the list of people with access to that area is decently long. Including, all 52 members of the roster, all the coaches, trainers and equipment personnel. Plus all the reporters and security once the locker room is open to the media. So we have lots of potential suspects.
Host city Houston stepped up and called in the Texas Rangers (not Chuck Norris, idiots) to help track down the jersey. Which some are already calling the greatest piece of sports memorabilia ever. With a theoretical price tag anywhere from $100,000-$500,000. But it’s not like you can just sell that thing anywhere. Brady joked in a Monday presser that if anyone sees it on eBay, let him know. That’s funny but not realistic. A sale like that will almost certainly land the seller in prison. That makes me think the thief had to have a high level buyer already in place. Hell, maybe they were even commissioned to steal the thing.
As the stolen jersey story spread, more news filtered in. Another report claims that much of the locker room gear was packed up and put on a truck bound for the Pats home facility. The truck was not throughly searched before it left the stadium leaving hope that the jersey is maybe in a box somewhere. Seems unlikely the most rare of rare sports gems is just laying around. Especially when you consider that something like this happened after New England’s Super Bowl win over Seattle two years ago. Yup, Brady’s jersey went “missing” then too. Looks like someone is starting a collection and I think I know the crew that might have pulled off the sports heist of the century.
That’s right, it was probably Billy, I mean Danny Ocean and his 10 best friends. They are one of the only teams that could pull something like this off. The time from when Brady took off the jersey to the moment it was found stolen was approximately 12 minutes. So you would need the coordinated efforts of a legit outfit to get away with this crime. And if they can break into Terry Benedict’s Las Vegas casino vault then they for sure can get into a fancy men’s room in Texas. But a good scam leaves no trail so maybe the jersey on truck is a fake so people stop looking for the real McCoy. Damn, so clever.
The only other scenario that seems likely is that Lady Gaga did it. Did you see her halftime show? She apparently can do anything. Plus we know she is a master of disguise so she probably dressed up as Rob Gronkowski, strolled into the locker room and scooped the jersey before she flew away on sparkle pony.
The only question remaining is, who is the buyer? That would be Vladimir Putin. He already has one of Patriots owner, Robert Kraft’s Super Bowl rings, why not complete the outfit. Story goes that back in 2005, Kraft was meeting Putin and he let him try on the ring and Putin never gave it back. The White House urged Kraft to let Putin keep the ring as a gift for the sake of foreign relations. So maybe stole is a harsh word, bullied is more appropriate. Either way, Putin has a ring and now maybe two of Tom’s Super Bowl jerseys. I think someone is playing a little fantasy touch football in the Winter Palace.
Keep an eye out for clues as the story develops. The truth is still maybe stranger than any of this. I sure hope so because it’s already a great piece of drama. Who knows? Maybe Tom will win a 6th Super Bowl, I bet he doesn’t take his jersey off then.
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