I love football. Who doesn’t, right? But just because I love America’s (true) pastime does not mean that I love all of the players or coaches in the NFL. In fact, as a rule, I dislike almost everyone who doesn’t play for my beloved Detroit Lions. Of course there are players on other teams who I enjoy watching and maybe even cheer for, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. It’s the players and coaches that drive me crazy that bring me here today. Not because they constantly beat and embarrass my home town team (well, maybe), but just because they suck at life. Let’s take a look at some of the most annoying people in today’s NFL.
Okay, this one might be partially caused by jealousy and resentment but still, fuck this guy. If I have to see him do the stupid discount double check (or beat the Lions) again, I’m going to explode. Plus he is dating Olivia Munn!?! What an asshole. He’s super talented and all that, and maybe it’s just those ugly ass green and yellow uniforms, but I seriously can’t stand him. He’s so smug, especially when sporting one of his various creepy ass mustaches. Here’s to hoping the Lions sack him 25 times next year.
JJ Watt is a totally regular guy, just like you and me. Oh wait, no he’s not. He’s arguably the best player in the league and is also a total clown who I’m tired of seeing. Let’s just all be thankful that Hard Knocks isn’t covering the Texans again so we don’t have to see anymore of his fake ass country, good ol’ boy routine that he desperately uses to get his legions of fans to relate to him. I honestly enjoy watching him play. He’s a beast out there. But I honestly can’t stand him anymore. Like Jennifer Lawrence, if you have to constantly remind the world that you’re just a regular person, then you’re probably not. Also he just released a logo for his personal brand that I think sucks. What is that, a ‘W’?
Russell Wilson may be the lamest person ever to put on a helmet and step on to a NFL field. From claiming that God speaks directly to him, to claiming that something called Recovery Water helped cure his concussion, this dude is completely full of shit. His whole relationship with Ciara makes me want to barf. Saving yourself for marriage, Russell? Why don’t you save the bullshit. This dude is a robot who will do whatever it takes to get people to like him. And you know what? No one outside of Seattle does. I realize the dude is really talented, but he is also super corny. Just watch his University of Wisconsin commencement speech from a few weeks ago and see. Notice the pity laughter he gets from his not so funny, totally not relatable Super Bowl interception joke at the 1:43 mark.
I don’t understand why this guy keeps getting head coaching jobs in the NFL. He is a (supposed) defensive mastermind, but the dude can’t develop a decent quarterback to save his life. On top of that, he constantly puts his foot in his mouth by saying some of the most boneheaded things to the media. I guess he can be mildly entertaining from an outsiders standpoint but if I was the owner of a NFL franchise and really wanted my team to succeed, why would I choose someone who has proven time and time again that they can’t provide the type of offensive football necessary to succeed in the game of pro football? Seriously, Buffalo, what were you thinking? This guy is just some good defense and a bunch ridiculous soundbites. As a defensive coordinator, sure, but as my head coach and face of the franchise, no thanks.
People used to talk a lot of trash about Al Davis when he was still around, but at least you could never question his knowledge of the game of football. He was a bit of a loose cannon as far as NFL owners go, but the dude knew the game. If you ask me, the same does not go for Jerry Jones. To be fair, he’s living out a lifelong dream of mine by having purchased an NFL franchise and played GM for the past few decades, but you can’t ignore some of the major blunders he has committed while running the team, the biggest of which has to be the firing of Jimmy Johnson after two consecutive Super Bowl victories. That’s insane. Jerry Jones is nothing but a rich attention whore who was lucky enough to be able to buy a pro football team. And it’s time for him to go away.
Did we miss anyone who you bothers the hell out of you? Call them out in the comment section below, and tell the world why that person is the worst.
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