Trump is president. The peso is at historic lows, foreign markets are in crisis. Financial confidence is in the gutter. But this is about football which is a nice break from reading insane facebook posts or cringing at the news. So bust out the ticker and let’s check the stock report for week 11 of the 2016 NFL season.
– Dak Prescott, QB Dallas Cowboys
They should call him NASDAQ Prescott cause this dude is money. He’s only thrown 2 picks compared to 14 TD’s in 9 games and has shown some real skills. While Tony Romo slipped a disc just watching from the sidelines.
– Miami Dolphins
They have won 4 in a row, found a running game behind Jay Ajayi and things are starting to click. It’s amazing how quick things can turnaround when you can run the ball. Now if they could just do something about those uniforms.
– Kansas City Chiefs
Since starting 2-2, the Chiefs have ripped off 5 wins and are in the hunt for a postseason birth. This is a balanced football team that everyone should stop sleeping on. You hear me beauty?
– Tennessee Titans
Titans are only 5-5 but their last win was a decisive one over Green Bay where they rumbled to a 47-25 victory. They broke big play after big play. This team has the tools to play challenger to Houston. That was a space joke.
– Cleveland Browns
0-10. Maybe looking at 0-16. I don’t want to keep throwing acid on the baby (as they say) and continue to make fun of Cleveland but this franchise needs help and it will take years before anything changes. It’s plain sad.
– Minnesota Vikings
What a mess. Started 5-0, then went 0-4. Injuries piling up and three tough games looming. Fans are trying to cope. It’s so bad that even Hillary feels for them.
– Green Bay Packers
4-5, lost last 3. Can’t run the ball, leaky secondary and an unfriendly schedule the rest of the way out. Cheese futures are dropping like mad. You can get a wedge of aged cheddar for kraft single prices.
– San Francisco 49ers
This squad is really bad but I’m not even sure coach Chip Kelly is on the hot seat despite being 1-8. There is no talent on the offensive roster and the only reason people talk about them is to see who is taking a knee.
– Pittsburgh Steelers
Losers of 4 straight, the Black and Yellow need to figure it out, fast. They are still very much alive in the AFC North but the players at Heinz Field need to ketchup.
That’s your full stock report. Buy gold, watch The Wolf of Wall Street and make the money. If all else fails, invest in an independent film. It’s bulletproof.
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