The fantasy football regular season is wrapping up and many of us (myself included) will not be making the playoffs. Bummer. It could be for any number of reasons that your squad underperformed. Maybe your top pick got injured, or you let a future star go, or maybe you made a dumb trade, or maybe it was just bad luck. Or in my case, all of the above. None of that matters now, we can’t change the past but there is still plenty we can do despite missing the fantasy football playoffs.
1. Don’t check out
This is the worst thing you can do. It’s a shitty move and it communicates exactly how selfish you are. “If I’m not gonna win then I don’t care” is a bogus attitude. Fantasy football is supposed to be fun. A league of your buds all sharing an interest. Don’t spoil it for everyone because it didn’t go your way. So stay active, maybe talk less trash (or not), just keep up the effort.
2. Play spoiler
Stay on that waiver wire. Your low record should keep your waiver claim higher than the playoff bound squads. Don’t let them snag the next big talent. Jump on it. No freebees. A key starter goes down, you get that replacement before anyone. Just one of those moves could determine who becomes champion. Make it as tough as possible on the remaining owners. That means no trades and make sure your roster is in the best shape it can be for those last games. Remember overall records determine playoff seeding.
3. Poison your friends
Get them all together and get even. You lost out on the fantasy football playoffs but it doesn’t mean you can’t get revenge some way. Make cookies with laxatives in them, pass them out and watch the fireworks. What do you mean I’m out of toilet paper? If that seems too mean then scale down the prank to your comfort level.
Another reason to not check out is you want to know which players are finishing the year in a confident manner. It’s these last games that will determine next’s year pre-draft rankings. Running back, David Johnson, tore up the end of last year and became a top 10 pick this year because of it. These last weeks can teach us tons if we are willing to learn.
5. Pay up
Time to pay your league dues. Just do it now and get it over with. If you want to be a huge dick you can pay the winner or commissioner in crumpled one dollar bills, or a giant bag of change. All pennies seems a bit much but do you. I’ll be paying in food stamps.
Remember all those who have smited you. The teams that beat you, the trash talk, and shady deals. Lock this into your brain and use it as fuel for next season when you storm back and crush your enemies.
Enjoy the fantasy football playoffs but don’t forget to take notes. You’ll get there next year. And then they’ll all see how high you can really fly.
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