I never really thought I could dislike Lou Holtz more than I already do. Sure, his endless ranting about how great Notre Dame is every year annoyed the hell out of me, but he seemed like just another harmless old man whose whits had dulled with age. Well yesterday that crazy old kook proved me wrong. Lou Holtz appeared at the Republican National Convention and man has he been on a roll.
He started his appearance off with some light hearted immigrant bashing. He’s that racist grandpa that we’re all embarrassed about but don’t have the heart to tell to shut up in front of company. While speaking at a luncheon hosted by the Republican National Coalition for Life, a pro-life group, he referenced the immigrant “invasion” to his beloved, white-washed, United States of America. Reich Chancellor Holtz stated that “I don’t want to become you. I don’t want to speak your language, I don’t want to celebrate your holidays, I sure as hell don’t want to cheer for your soccer team.” To which the crown responded with raucous applause. Apparently they really hate Cinco de Mayo and the World Cup.
What Lou Holtz was really saying is that he thinks that people of other cultures need to come here and learn english and completely forget their identity. Weird considering he is best known as the coach of a school whose entire mascot and identity is co-opted from one of the original hated immigrant groups, the Irish. And whose full name, Notre Dame du Loc, is French. But we can’t really expect this senile, daffy duck impersonator to remember little details like that, can we? Let me go out on a limb and say that not one single immigrant group wants Holtz to speak their language, besides he would sound pretty ridiculous trying to speak spanish. graccccccciiaasssshhhh.
Old man Holtz was also seen on his front porch yelling at some neighborhood children and threatening them with a garden hose. After that he was spotted walking around the floor of the convention holding a bottle of Crown Royal. So this is all starting to make sense. Anyone from the midwest has seen some angry old asshole who gets shitfaced on whiskey and then starts blaming minorities for all the problems in their life. Head on over to any hole-in-the-wall local bar in the rust belt and it’s probably happening right now.
— John R Parkinson (@jparkABC) July 19, 2016
Lou Holtz has obviously been hitting the cough syrup a little hard, so it’s understandable that he started lamenting the growing political correctness in our society. I mean what kind of country do we live in when you have to be held accountable for the racist, xenophobic trash that you spew in public, am I right?
Never mind that while Holtz was coaching at Arkansas, he appeared in campaign ads for former Senator Jesse Helms, a staunch opponent of the Civil Rights Act. I’m sure Holtz is a really sweet, well adjusted man. That’s why Donald Trump should be so thrilled to have his endorsement as the next President of the United States. Let’s take a look at Holtz giving Trump his stamp of approval back in May.
That’s right people, after having stayed in Trump hotels and played on his golf courses, Lou Holtz is certain that Donald Trump is fit to be the next President. What the fuck kind of logic is that? I enjoyed watching OJ Simpson highlights, that doesn’t mean I would want him to marry my daughter. If that wasn’t enough, Holtz went on to echo Mitt Romney’s “47 percent statement,” that pretty much doomed that campaign. Genius. If you’re like me, you should hope that Lou Holtz becomes an integral part of the Donald Trump campaign, because this guy is solid gold.
I’m kidding of course. While I am by no means a Donald Trump supporter, and would love to see this racist old clown help torpedo the campaign, I don’t think I can handle much more of this guy. Let’s all hope that Lou Holtz shuts up and goes away. And let’s thank whatever higher power there might be out there that he is no longer on on tv every Saturday.