Star Wars: The Sport Awakens

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Published on : December 8, 2015

 

 

Everyone is eagerly awaiting the December 18th release of the new Star Wars film The Force Awakens. And we here at SBS are no different. But as I watched the trailer for the 23rd time (today), I noticed that the world of Star Wars has some real athletes and I don’t think anyone has ever tried to draft them. And I don’t see many organized sports beyond racing (pod or other). Maybe a few heroes and villains from that universe could find decent work here playing pro ball if that whole film thing doesn’t work out for them.  

 

BB8

bb8

 

This adorable droid is the cutest non-pixar thing I’ve ever seen. He looks like a soccer ball had sex with a camcorder, but the dude can roll. Because of his shape and control I’d think he would end up playing futbol for maybe Real Madrid or Bayern Munich. Probably as an attacking midfielder. Help distribute and control tempo but could dribble and create his own shots too. This is the droid you’re looking for.

 

Han Solo and Chewbacca

han solo chewy

 

Sad to say Han looks more ready for golf than anything else. I wish it wasn’t the case. No one wants to see their heroes get old. If you are looking for a youthful, athletic Solo then you have only one Hope and she plays goalie for the USA Women’s National team.

 

Chewy, on the other hand, looks great. He could probably start as an offensive lineman for any number of NFL teams looking to solidify their line before the playoffs. If Star Wars tanks, then I could see Chewbacca out there blocking for Tom Brady and maybe get himself a Super Bowl ring. If Chewy does go the Pats, watch out for him as a red zone threat when he checks in as an eligible receiver. Like how they used Mike Vrabel back in the day.

 

Kylo Ren

kylo-ren

 

Kylo Ren looks like a raiders fan who got dressed in the dark, or if Darth Vader became a LARPer. The lightsaber is cool but the cross is a bit religious for my taste. Quick swing, rocks a huge cross, can attack from either the right or left. Sounds like a major league baseball talent. Hell, on name alone, the Yankees might offer him 8 years $160 million thinking he is a powerhouse from Japan. I hear Boston already has a counter offer.

 

Rey and Finn

finn rey

 

I know the least about these two. But if they are friends with BB8, then they are friends of mine. Rey looks light on her feet, very agile, but shows some aggressiveness. I could see her as a tennis star. Singles, not doubles. Her serve would be fierce and she is fast enough to cover the whole court. A nightmare on clay or grass.

 

Finn was a stormtrooper so he is used to bulky gear. So I’m thinking hockey with him. Has a nice square head, plays fast and is a natural leader. He can take some hits and give some out. Just what you look for in a first liner. He is like PK Suban if he left Montreal for Tatooine. I just hope he can skate.

 

 

Time for me to go, I’m the commissioner of a Fantasy Pod Racing league and our draft is tonight. I have the 3rd overall pick and I hope either Ben Quadinaros or Sebulba is still there. With any luck this will be my year to win the Boonta Eve Classic!

 

 

 

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