James Bond is my role model. I know that he’s a juvenile male fantasy, but so what? Don’t give yourself a boring role model like some high school teacher or your Dad. I say keep your dreams big and live everyday like 007. (Except the “licensed to kill” part. This I cannot endorse for legal reasons.) Here’s what my hero has taught me about living the sporting life.
Always Be a Gentleman
In Goldfinger, 007 plays a round of golf against his nemesis, Auric Goldfinger. (See what they did there?) Despite having clashed before, Bond conducts himself like a true sportsman — competitive but respectful. When he discovers that his opponent is cheating, he doesn’t call them out; that would be impolite. Instead, he cheats the cheaters at their own game then rubs their faces in it after the match. It’s the only gentlemanly thing to do!
Don’t be Emotional
James Bond’s parents died in a mountain climbing accident when he was 11 years old. But that didn’t stop him from becoming a master of the slopes: he’s an expert on skis, a snowboard and even a bobsled. Don’t be like that other guy with dead parents (cough- Batman -cough) and let your past fuck with your future. Mountain cabins are fun, cozy and usually have hot tubs. Never turn down the opportunity to get away.
Running is a big part of being a secret agent, but don’t forget about jumping, ducking, grappling, punching, kicking, choking, swimming and even clowning (Octopussy. Don’t ask.). If you don’t want to die out there, you’d better stay active and healthy. And parkour. You never know when you might need to parkour after somebody. Think you’re going to do that with a weak core?
Losing is Part of the Game
007 knows a thing or two about gambling. He’s bet lots of taxpayer’s money on card games over the years, sometimes even raising the stakes with his own life. Mostly successful, there have been a few notable times where things didn’t quite work out. (Writer shifts uncomfortably thinking about testicle-torture scene from Casino Royale.) But no matter how bad the loss, James Bond never backs down from the next hand. As long as you’re still playing, you can still win.
Fucking is a sport
The way he does it, it is.
His new film, Spectre, pops on November 6th in the states. Go see it. Unless you’re going to talk or check your phone during the movie, then stay the fuck home.
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