SBS Guide to Snowball Fights

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Published on : December 29, 2015

 

 

It’s cold, many are back home visiting family. The country is at maximum holiday fever. So if you need a simple getaway, try an old fashion snowball fight. It’s a classic winter sport that goes all the way back to the caveman era. You can get a few buds and organize a game or you can do my favorite, which is just start throwing snowballs at random people until someone starts throwing back. Either way, guaranteed good time plus it’s 100% organic and gluten-free. Below is a little advice on how to make your snowball fights really fly.

 

Find some cover

Only a fool stands out in the open. Get behind a parked car or a trash can. You need cover so you can reload and catch your breath. But don’t stay in one spot too long. The enemy is sure to crash your bunker, so get your shots off and find a new place to hide. Never be predictable. Stay moving, keep the other team on its toes. The difference between victory hot-coco and the white wash of defeat is where you decide to make your homebase. You want something with multiple firing angles and escape routes.

 

Pack it tight

elf snowball

 

Hopefully the powder is clumpy or as we call it in Michigan “packing snow.” For the perfect snowball, start with a large handful of the white stuff. With your other (gloved) hand apply some pressure and start shaping the sphere. Keep rotating it while adding more and more force. Careful not to split it. Once it’s solid, smooth out the surface of any major bumps. Those irregularities will throw off your accuracy. Make as many as you can when you have the time. Those with the most ammo can do the most damage.

 

Aim for the head

True, that targeting the chest probably gives you the best chance of making contact but there is nothing quite as satisfying as beaming someone in the beak with a well-placed throw. So aim for the head. If you are lucky, you knock their hat or glasses off their dome.

*Please note, this is super funny but does come with a high risk of ending the game and sending someone home crying.

 

Cheat

If movies and TV have taught me anything it’s that it’s okay to cheat in games like this. So if you have magical powers or are some sort of cold-based deity then by all means flex those muscles. Below is the trailer for the 1998 film Jack Frost starring Michael Keaton. Snowball action starts around the 1:18 mark.

 

 

This movie is not to be confused with this Jack Frost. I’m also told there is a flick called Frozen that is supposed to be popular and have something to do with winter. After seconds of research, I found this thing.

 

olaf

 

I bet he’d be a solid snowball fight teammate. Looks a little goofy but is probably a natural. Like snowball fights are his country’s national past time.

 

Also, if this snowball fight is against local bullies or other legit dicks then it is okay to authorize dirty tactics. That’s right, I’m talking yellow snowballs and even ice balls. For the yellow snow, you want to make the ball as normal, then pee on it. Don’t pee on the snow and then try and shape it. That’s gross.

 

There you have it soldier. Keep your head up and you just might live to see February. In the rare instance where a large group of children ambush you with snowballs then there is only one course of action. RUN! There is no winning here. Just run. Get in your car, house or somewhere adult and boring, like a Bank of America. The gang should lose interest and look for another target. You cannot face the hoard alone. Doing so will most likely end in violence and maybe even arrest.

 

Stay frosty.

 

 

2 thoughts on “SBS Guide to Snowball Fights”

  1. Dude, you nailed the snowball fight and brought back some painful memories. I remember a particular fight where a friend and I brought out a bucket of water to get the snow balls super tight, I think his younger brother did not fair well in the ensuing battle.

    Happy Holidays,
    Jay

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