Don’t ever Propose at a game

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Published on : September 10, 2015

 

Fans love creative ways to show their devotion. Tattoos are popular, but some take it beyond needle and skin. There is a growing community of sports fans getting engaged at their hometown arenas. First, let me applaud the new love. Second, don’t pop the question anywhere near nacho cheese unless you met at 7-11. I’m serious. I love the idea of young lovers committing themselves to each other but don’t turn your life story into camera-bait for the jumbotron.

 

Even if she or he really likes sports, don’t do it. Sports are crazy and not to be trifled with. Look, if they truly like sports, then NEVER cross the streams of real life and fandom. What if you propose at the game and your team loses? What now? Maybe the team is cursed until you get a divorce. That’s too much pressure for any real fan.

 

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If you want to do something annoying and cute to show off your bond then get matching jerseys. Or beat up a rival fan together. Get Super Bowl inspired rings. Use the hometown colors as the wedding theme. Just don’t propose at the stadium. Do you really want to tell your grandkids that StubHub sponsored their existence?

 

Also, you make every person there NOT proposing look like a total asshole. I just wanted to buy my girlfriend a pretzel, not the whole farm. Thanks a lot, ballpark. Now we are going to fight on the way home. You might as well have called my partner “fat.”

 

Proposing at the game isn’t original or creative. If your lover is even kind of smart, they will know this was some terrible, grasping-at-straws play. I mean, there is a special hotline to call when you want to pull off this “stunt” (yeah, I called it a “stunt”, so what, liberal media.) Nothing says spontaneity like a 1-800-number.  This is the sky-writing of bullshit ideas. You might as well get a fucking cake that says “will you marry me?” since you are obviously scared to do it without a gimmick. Asking for marriage in front of a crowd like that is a Hail Mary where the proposee hopes that the huge audience of onlookers will somehow force the proposed to agree. Like you can’t say no if others are watching.

 

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Don’t ever propose to anyone at a sporting match, ever. Even if they are the biggest fan ever. You can do better. Your relationship will benefit from this advice. I don’t have to look at the data to know that there have been zero successful marriages based on arena proposals. Just find something else. Please.

 

Unless you were going to incorporate a zamboni. Zambonis are sexy as hell.

 

 

 

 

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