A Loser’s Guide to Winning at Beer Pong

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Published on : September 12, 2015

 

 

Everybody’s playing beer pong these days. Your sister, your uncle, even Jimmy Fallon plays it on the regular. So why not you? Because you lose all the time? So what?

You shouldn’t let a thing like “being terrible” at beer pong prevent you from enjoying it. Believe me, I know. I’ve lost a lot of beer pong games in my life. Next time you’re about to step up to a game of Beirut, keep these pointers in mind and I guarantee you’ll have yourself a good time; win, lose or drunk.

 

RELAX

Always remember: this is a game where tossing a ball into a cup forces your opponent to drink beer. It’s ridiculous. Don’t stress yourself out about it. You’re at a party, you’re here to have fun.

 

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Your field of battle.

 

CHOOSING YOUR PARTNER

Most people want a “good” partner, i.e. someone that “doesn’t suck.” But ideally you should choose a partner that’s at the same skill level as you. Nobody wants to carry their team*, and nobody wants to be the slouch either. An evenly-matched partner is your best bet.

I also highly recommend picking someone of the opposite sex, if possible. The roller coaster ride of emotions that will be this beer pong game is an excellent way to get to friendly with someone.

 

*Avoid anyone who tells you, “I’ll play but I don’t want to drink.” These people do not want to build a solid relationship with you as a teammate. They are only out for themselves and you deserve better than that.

 

KNOW THE RULES

Every house has different rules. Before you start, find out How Many Re-Racks You Get, When to Pull a Cup, When to Drink, Bouncing, Catching, Take Backs, etc. You’ll save yourself from losing easy shots and annoying mid-game arguments.

 

GAMEPLAY

A game is only as good as the competition. So don’t be an asshole and play to win.

Pay attention when you shoot. Set your feet, take a breath and aim for the back rim of the cup you want to hit. If you miss, re-take the same position and adjust your shot. Doing something new every time will get your nowhere. Find your form, then improve.

 

Anybody can do it. Even Broncos fans.

ABC

Always Be Confident. Drinking alcohol lowers inhibitions and confidence enhances your abilities. That means being drunk and confident is basically being a motherfuckin’ superhero. I know it seems obvious, but never underestimate the power of positive drinking.

 

INTIMIDATE

My favorite part of the game, because anything goes. Dance. Chant. Strut. Thrust. Sing Prince songs. Recite the Declaration of Independence. Do whatever the fuck you can to make your opponent miss that shot.

Also: if you’ve chosen an opposite sex partner, this is a great opportunity to bond. Trash talk together. Get a chant going. Remember: you’re both drunk at a party. Carpe dat ass.

 

LAST CUP

Always the worst. You shoot and shoot and never seem to make it. It’s fucking hard. I have no practical advice on how to sink that last cup and end the game. Nobody does, except maybe God, probably Obama. (FYI, dream beer pong opponents: Barack and Michelle. Dream teammate: Amy Schumer).

 

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SHAKE HANDS

Never forget: win or lose, always do it with style. When the game is over, shake your opponent’s hand and say “good game.” Guess what? You just made a new friend. Grab another beer and have yourself a good time.

 

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