What a week this has been. If you asked me on Monday November 7, 2016 what life would be like after that day, I probably would have told you that it would be pretty much the same. The world would keep moving on in the same direction it had been moving. No big shakeups other than the usual cyclical hiccups we experience as a society from time to time. Business as usual.
I was wrong. We were all wrong. We were all so very wrong.
On election day, America decided to hand the keys over to Donald Trump. He is the first ever person to win the office of president despite having zero experience governing in any capacity. The country rejected one of the most qualified candidates in history, in favor of the least qualified. Actually, Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by about 2 million votes, but in a country that is still bows to rural farmers, despite not being an agrarian society for more than 100 years, there is a system to offset that actual will of the people in presidential elections. So now, we as a people are forced to stomach an uncouth, white-rage fueled demagogue and his bigot-laden administration for four years. That’s cool. Whatever. I guess we all knew we were headed in this direction.
But then things kept getting weirder.
On Saturday November 12, 2016, the 3rd ranked University of Michigan Wolverines traveled to unranked Iowa for a matchup with the Hawkeyes. The Harbaugh coached Wolverines have done a great job of taking care of business all season, and because of that they came into the game undefeated. Iowa had been pretty bad all season and was sitting at 5-4. Once the game started, it didn’t take long to realize that Michigan was in for a long night out in corn country. The Hawkeyes won on a last minute field goal. Michigan joined #2 Clemson and #4 Washington to complete the trifecta of losers and mark the first time since 1985 that the 2nd, 3rd and 4th ranked teams in the country all lost on the same day. College football fans were shocked from coast to coast.
But the weird just kept coming.
On Sunday November 13, 2016, the NFL went on with its usual slate of Sunday games. The Detroit Lions were at home resting on their bye week. A chance to get healthy and come back refreshed and ready to fight for the division. But somehow, they won without even playing. Thanks to the continued implosion of a Minnesota Vikings team that is being critically hampered by its offense (or lack there of), and a blow out loss for the Green Bay Packers at the hands of the Tennessee Titans, the Lions are sitting in 1st place in the NFC North. That’s right the Lions are in 1st place in the division in mid-November. I don’t even really know how to process that.
After the election of Trump, I was sure that our country was screwed. Once the rest of last weeks events played out, I started to think that things were getting a little too weird to just be a coincidence. All of this has led me to question our entire existence, and after some deep introspective mental toiling and examination of the world around us, I have come to believe that this is not real life.
Sometime before those first east coast polls closed last Tuesday, our timeline split and we are now traveling through some alternate reality where the craziest things that you thought were impossible are, in fact, possible. Many of us are still trying to put the pieces of ourselves back together and make sense of last week. But maybe we can’t make sense of it because nothing will ever make sense again.
Now that I think of it, this split may have occurred earlier than originally suspected. The Cubs won the World Series. Cleveland once again has a championship team. PRESIDENT DONALD J TRUMP. What is happening? My own selfishness says that if all of this means that the Lions are going to win a Super Bowl then I support our immersion in this alternate universe. But that doesn’t mean I’ll ever understand it. And that doesn’t mean I’ll ever be able to reconcile a Trump presidency with my now deeply hurt American pride. But what choice do I have?
Detroit Lions, Super Bowl LI Champions.
God help us all.