Let’s face it; Bill Belichick is not a nice guy (or at least he doesn’t show it). He is not likeable. His presence doesn’t inspire the people in the way that a Vince Lombardi would, and you surely won’t find many people outside of New England to sings his praises. He is monotone, flavorless and boring. Like Eeyore on Xanax, he seems like his whole face is going to droop right off his skull in every post-game press conference. But for what he lacks in people skills and likeability, he makes up for with the only thing that really matters. Winning.
In football winning is all that matters and Bill Belichick has done that consistently over his last fifteen years as the Patriots’ head coach. He is widely regarded as one of the best in the game and no one can deny that every squad that the Patriots put on the field, even when no one knows the players names, is among the best coached groups in the league, year in and year out. He has continually shown that he is willing to do whatever it takes to win, and that’s why no one should believe what he has to say about the team’s most recent equipment related antics.
In an NFL season that has been marred by controversy its only fitting that it would have come to an end in this fashion. From the Ray Rice domestic violence saga to Ndamukong Suh’s controversial suspension, and the even more controversial repeal of that suspension, there seems to have been a constant black cloud hovering over the 2014-15 season. Never one to disappoint, the league saved the best for last it seems, as The Patriots, once thought of as the new “America’s Team”, were revealed to be up to their old tricks with the latest controversy, aptly named deflategate. In Nixon-esque fashion, everybody’s favorite curmudgeon, the grumpiest of gusses, Patriots’ head coach Bill Belichick, finds himself once again at the center of a scandal involving a violation of NFL rules, even though his team was already widely considered the best in the league.
Breaking or bending the rules is one thing (as they say, if ya ain’t cheatin, ya ain’t tryin), but the fact once again remains that the Patriots were probably the best team in the league regardless of if they were cheating or not. Like the typical evil villain he has become, Belichick can’t help himself but to do everything within his power to put his band of helmet clad henchmen in the best position to succeed. He doesn’t need to keep doing the things he does, but he does them anyways. It’s maniacal and inexplicable that he continues to foster a culture within the organization that allows for things like this to happen, or that owner Robert Kraft continues to look the other way.
Maybe Kraft doesn’t have any choice but to look the other way? Maybe he is under some type of undue influence at the hands of his championship winning head coach? Maybe Bill Belichick is hiding his true identity and powers from the rest of the world?
That’s right, as previously rumored, Bill Belichick is indeed the dark lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious aka Emporer Palpatine. He is a diabolical genius bent on complete domination of the galaxy, and he must be stopped.
For more evidence look no further than what he has done to former-America’s sweetheart; the clef-chinned California boy, Tom Brady. Darth Belichick has used his mastery of the dark side to corrupt the once wholesome, yet insecure and unsure paduwan learner and turn him to the dark side, using him as a pawn in his evil plan to bring the entire NFL under his control. Through his manipulation of the young man’s good intentions, and his masterful coaching ability, The Dark Lord of the Sith has made his quarterback more powerful than he could have ever imagined, while also dragging Brady down to his level and making him into his own personal Darth Vader. Dispatching him throughout the football galaxy to do his bidding and quell rebellions among such factions as The Colts of Indianapolis and The Bronco’s of Denver, he has turned Tom Brady from Anakin Skywalker, the hero everyone loves, into Vader, the ultimate villain. Where once he was a new hope, he is now the phantom menace.
Under the Tudorship of Darth Belichick, Darth Brady has himself become a master of the force. Together they have flourished and the rest of the NFL has felt their wrath; all have at some point or another, bowed to their power. In their time together, Brady has grown into the best quarterback of our era, and arguably of all time. A four-time Super Bowl champion, ten-time pro-bowler, and two-time MVP, Tom Brady has been the gold standard of NFL quarterbacks for the last fourteen years. Like Peyton Manning and Brett Favre he is headed to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and hell, he deserves it, but I think it is safe to assume that the repeated infractions, and the teams willingness to be evil will leave a dark stain on the legacy of coach, quarterback and the entire Patriot’s organization.
Now I’m not actually claiming Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are fictional characters from the Star Wars universe (though I’m not entirely convinced otherwise), but it illustrates my point that they have become the supreme villains of the NFL. First it was spygate, with The Patriots videotaping opposing teams defensive signals during the game and even videotaping The St Louis Rams walkthrough prior to Super Bowl XXXVI. The organization and coach Belichick himself both received stiff penalties in the form of the loss of a first round draft pick and a $500,000 fine for the coach.
Now the allegedly innocent infraction involving under-inflated footballs used by the Patriots during the first half of their unrelenting beat down of the Colts in the AFC Championship game, has cemented the reputation of the Patriots as a dirty team and organization, in the hearts and minds of both fans and players alike.
It doesn’t matter that the Patriots put the final nails in the coffin in the second half of that game, after the balls were re-inflated by the officials. All that matters is that The Patriots are once again the bad guys. And you know what? I don’t think they care. They know they have lost the benefit of the doubt, and Belichick and Brady can have all of the press conferences they want. It wont change anything in the eyes of the fans outside of New England. Even after Belichick tried vainly to get scientific with his defense (Bill Nye promptly confirmed that he didn’t know what he was taking about), nobody is buying it. The simple fact is that these guys are great at everything having to do with football and are willing to cheat and get dirty in order to give them an extra edge in any given game. It doesn’t even matter if they were personally involved in the under-inflation of those 11 game balls, the damage is done and they are destined to go down as a couple of shysters with a handfuls of super bowl rings.